Tired. Just tired of all the crap.
SO has finally had it with Winona SD18. She was home all weekend, either sleeping or eating, her room a pigsty as usual, and full of bowls and water glasses, in direct opposition to everything SO has told her (IE Do your dishes, don't eat in your room, make sure all the dishes are out of your room).
What started it? The crap started it. Seriously. Crap.
Since Thursday, when it is our time for Munchkin, and we have both kids with us, because BM has told Winona that her room in their 2 bedroom apartment is being given to Munchkin, there have been numerous bathroom mishaps. Someone pees and leaves some on the seat. Someone poos and leaves some on the lid and/or seat.
He thought it was me, but I am very careful. Munchkin denies it (shes 11, but very meticulous in many ways) Everyone denying, and then I found some Sunday morning, and called SO over. I don't like being accused of things that I am not responsible for. He went ballistic. On Winona. She started screaming at him. How he treats her badly, he responds with "you treat me very badly", and back and forth. He takes the door off again, she screams some more. About how she is depressed because of him. But she still wants to live with us full time.
He has had it. He is going to move Winona to his mother's house, get her a room set up, and it will only be $200 - Family discount. And then we wont have to deal with it anymore.
I just don't think that is the answer. She is on anti-depressants that zonk her out. She sleeps, eats, and watches TV or videos on ipod. That's her entire life, now that she isn't in school. My answer would be to get her off the pills, or get something different. Get tougher on her with chores and cleaning, just be unemotional and consistent and follow through. Have expectations, repercussions, daily roomchecks.
I just think sending her away, so someone else has to deal with the lack of parenting is the wrong thing to do. Sending her away, so she has no incentive to improve her life will not help her to improve. But she is so RUDE, and viciously MEAN, and DIRTY.
SO will be putting her back on 50/50 so she will be at her mothers apartment this week, and we can have some peace and quiet, at least.
It just ruined the Sunday - her screaming and playing victim and blaming him for her problems. And then telling him he should apologize...depressed him, and he was stressed out and exhausted starting his morning with another argument over her not helping watch Munchkin (she has an interview for a job, and needs things from BM's apartment, which is located perhaps a mile away, and its too HARD walking with her sister...).
I did want to yell at her last night. She can stay up watching movies and eating my delicious food, that I cook all by myself, and clean up all by myself, yet her room remains a dirty pigsty. Same thing as the past 3 years. Just really tired of it all... tired of the crap, literally and figuratively.
- CLove's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
They will never do that. He
They will never do that. He will continue to support her, the whole DNA - that is my CHILD thing, but he wants to do it at a distance. That is my issue with his solution. Support her, if you must, but have expectations, now that she is considered an adult, treat her like she is an adult so maybe she will act like one.
I told SO that he should lock
I told SO that he should lock her out during the day - no loafing around while we work. He is starting to agree.
He took Munchkin with him to Gmas house, telling Winona that the room needs to be extremely clean when he comes home, or he bags all of it. Then Tuesday he is dropping both at BMs house.
We cannot fix her at this point. If she is truly ill, she needs to get help on her own. And I cannot do anything, everything I suggest is ignored.
Oh - he does not give her a matching set - I meant get her "set up" with a bed and dresser, in the room at gmas. Its a 6-bedroom house, with renters, his brother who caretakes gma and gma herself.
You can't save gramma. You
You can't save gramma. You can't save this girl, either.
If he gets her out of the house at least YOU are saved. Not your kid, not your gramma, but it is your life. Remind yourself of that as needed.
Now, let's talk about your dh accusing you of leaving excrement in the bathroom?!! WTF!!! Does he always treat you like a 4 year old boy? Grrrr!!!!!!
Oh - Gma is his 95-year old
Oh - Gma is his 95-year old mother. THEIR gma. All the children take turns so that the primary caretaker has the weekends off. Winona takes SO's turn watching and staying with her, and sometimes she takes the other's turns, for cash. And Munchkin is now being conscripted, and asked to stay with gma for cash.
Yes, it was really strange. Sometimes he lumps "us girls" together (11, 18, 48), as if we were the same. He is a simple guy. The daughters denied it (Winona has a history of lies...ahem!), so he asked me. This is what started Sundays tirade. And screamfest.
Winona should loose the ipod
Winona should loose the ipod and TV...... sorry ship up before you can get it back. NO electronics at all IMO.
Then simply go into her room and strip it, DH is not going to do it, you might as well, take everything but the bed..
she can earn her stuff back.
Enroll her with peace corps..... she can come to Africa and live what ever way she wants to, past week-end I met yet another USA girl and I was wondering who's skid it is, }:) She complained about her SM being nasty and forcing her father to send her away to deepest darkest Africa, where the lions walk the streets lol....
Yes Deigma is friends with a couple off these teens from USA, they come to town once a month, some of the kids are very good, the ones who's been living here for a year now hahahaha... the new ones... shame.... it's a tru culture shock for them. Where they are stationed there's hardly internet or electricity.... flush toilets are an unknown thing in the bush
Danielle - I definitely do
Danielle - I definitely do not understand it either. I think he thinks of her as having an "illness", so he gives her sympathy that you would for someone with an illness...like Alzheimer's.
He doesn't SEE it, like we do. His rude, dirty, disgusting daughter, is a part of him, and he doesn't want to kick her out and be the bad father. And I think a part of him blames me, as if I am the problem, because, for example, I comment on how loud her music is, while we are watching a movie, and it supposedly only bothers me, so its MY problem. That's ok. When we were watching Beauty and the Beast last night, I sat in a corner of the room where you cannot hear what is happening down the hall. He had taken the door off again, and he was forced to listen to the loud music himself.
Its like, if it doesn't bother HIM, it shouldn't bother ME, and if it bothers ME, I am being RIDICULOUS and HARSH and CONTROLLING.
The kicker was that this morning, I had to ask her two times to please get up, and put away her bathroom stuff, that she had left out last night for her bath, because I needed to take a shower, I was running late for work. Of course there is the standard "Okaaaaaay, I knoooooooow, I get it CLove!!!!" Then an additional comment of "There, its DONE, every morning there is some kind of complaint, every single time!"
Well, I want to type up and print a list: "How NOT to receive complaints:"
SO is lazy father, and he is tired of the near constant battles with her. Even without me involved, it is constant battle. Danielle, the crux of it is that she helps him with his 95-year old mother. She has no activities or friends or boyfriend, so she is ok with staying with her on weekends. He NEEDS her around just for that. And because his mother loves HER, that is precious to him.
He knows shes a POS, he has told me himself, many times. His mother is the entire reason he puts up with it. I have come to realize this. So now I understand why he would get her a room in his mothers house - she is there and can help out. $200/month, family discount would be worth it to him.
Accusing me of poop on toilet. Yep, that's a kicker!