OT hard to believe this happened
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in our family an eighty five year old man lost his wife of sixty five years recently. it was an odd marriage to say the least.
a female neighbor was a good samaritan and cooking meals to take over to the older widower. imagine her surprise when this horrid old man with poor higeine proposistions her for sex. really? a woman in her forties and mother of college children?
please tell me you are disgusted as i am.
Yup. I've heard many stories
Yup. I've heard many stories of very old men (late 80s and even early 90s) trying to force themselves on other nursing home residents.
At almost 70 I am not disgusted by older people still enjoying sex. But trying to proposition or force oneself on an unwilling partner is disgusting whether one is 15 or 90.
nothing wrong with older sex
nothing wrong with older sex but this man lost his wife a month ago.
Uhm... What was odd about the
Uhm...
What was odd about the marriage?
And I'd be sorta grossed out if a geezer seriously propositioned me I guess, but...really? He's 85? Probably wouldn't be a lot going on anyway.
maybe i should mention the
maybe i should mention the man lost his wife a month ago. the odd part of the marriage is that the man was emotionally abusive to his wife in thier long marriage.
people with personality disorders dont really understand they are old and have the minds of six year olds. in his own mind this man still thinks he is thirty.
This is not entirely
This is not entirely unusual.
My godfather was 82 when he was kicked out of his assisted living facility after being found in another woman's bed. His mind wasn't all there, and in a moment of lucidity, when he heard what happened he was shocked. He said he hadn't had sex in 20 years, so why would he be trying to get some now? He also had just lost his wife of 60 years. He died only 2 months later.
My mother passed away after having been married to my father for over 50 years. My father (at 70) became obsessed with sex. He still misses my mother, but that has nothing to do with wanting sex. Being old doesn't mean you don't want to be touched. My father also was more interested in women in their 40's and 50's.
As for the hygiene part, it's not always easy for older people to take care of themselves. It makes for unpleasant thoughts to the people being propositioned, but again, not uncommon.
It is always awkward when
It is always awkward when someone puts the moves on you and you are just not interested but i'm not freaked out about an 85 year old still being interested, many try to get right back in the saddle after a divorce or death of spouse. He just needs to choose a more receptive and realistic possibility.
Older people can still have
Older people can still have sexual desires. All sorts of people miss read signals every day. All sorts of people make fools of themselves over lust. At least he wasn't trying it on while his wife was around.
You know, Sally, the STD
You know, Sally, the STD stats are probably true. Do not tell my SO that someone at 70 had twins since he's been giving me the hairy eyeball to have a 'change of life' baby for several years. We are aging, but we are not DEAD.
However, your commentary about the sense of loss, the filling of the aching void. I think you 'nailed it.' (Sorry, bad pun) I cannot imagine how lost the man must feel after losing his partner, his friend --- the woman he grew up with, probably raised kids with and grew old alongside. How does he reconnect with someone/anyone? Who can he merely sit beside and hold hands?
Dang, that's depressing.
My fiance will be the old guy
My fiance will be the old guy I the nursing home looking for action. What hung me up was that he was abusive to his wife for 40 years and was looking for action right after she died. The abusive part makes me hope he remains single.
Inappropriate sexual
Inappropriate sexual overtures could be a sign of a mental decline. The guy did just go through a huge trauma by losing his wife. Just because people didn't think he treated her very well doesn't mean that he didn't love her. A family member should make sure he gets to a DR for a checkup.
he was rmotionally abusive.
he was rmotionally abusive. and as a co dependent, she went along with it or did not notice something was wrong. lots of relationships are like this.
Elderly people who suffer
Elderly people who suffer from dementia or Alzheimers often become very sexually focused. My own grandmother got pretty sexually active in the age in place controlled access/egress retirement home she lived in the last 4 years of her life. She passed at 85. My granddad died 5yrs earlier also at 85.
Sexually active seniors are an inspiration IMHO.
Now, this old perve is way out of line with how heis expressing his desires but the desires are not an issue.
He needs to be in a retirement home where there are others at his stage of life. The place my grandmother was at was a regular love boat on an eternal land locked cruise for randy eldery people. It was a very nice facility, the staff was great, they had a "restaurant" in the facility that the residents could take their meals in and the food would be delivered to each residents "apartment" if that was prefered, a salon, a movie theater, activity center, dance room, two large outdoor gardening areas where the residents could garden, they had a dog and a cat that were the facility pets, they brought in performing artists and art exhibits, local retailers would set up inventory in the activity area several times a month, etc, etc, etc... and through all of this the residents lived very normal lives including sex lives.
The staff tracked, managed, and engaged the residents on bathing, etc... for any residents who needed the help.
My family (my parents, my wife, son and I, and my brother and his family) very much enjoyed visiting my grandmother and participating in her life in that amazing place. The staff kept us up on her boyfriends and on any potential issues.
It sounds to me that this old guy needs a change of residence and to be somewhere that his amorous intentions would be more appropriate.
Sounds about right and very
Sounds about right and very similar to my grandmother's later years with dementia.
Would she have had to take
Would she have had to take his diaper off first? If so that should cost him extra
My widowed uncle had a
My widowed uncle had a younger woman from his church chasing him even before his wife died. My uncle had no children but had saved a fair amount of money. So Miss Gold Digger (40 years younger) was in for the kill.
When my uncle was in the hospital he asked me to go look for his checkbook. I could not find it so he told me to look in all of the drawers, etc. I was NOT snooping, but I found condoms (with a recent date). I laughed so hard because this was a man who often had a urine wet spot on his pants because he could not control his bladder functions. How could you get it up for sex if you could not even recognize bladder leakage?
Miss Gold digger did not prevail. I got about a 30th of his estate but was able to buy a car - not expensive less than $20,000.
Perhaps your uncle was
Perhaps your uncle was wishful thinking! This story and yours does not surprise me at all. I worked in a nursing home and one thing I learned was that all old men are dirty old men and are trying to get some before they die.
Not uncommon, but even at
Not uncommon, but even at this rip old age he could be charged with harassment. AND if he starts to act out or perform 'acts' in front of her OH boy it could be ugly, I do not mean to sound flip about it.
Remember that poor elderly man who's wife was in a nursing home. He would come by for relations with his wife who some claimed that SHE could not consent.
He was on trial for raping his own elderly wife.
He was found not guilty, but the humiliation and sorrow for this man in the pubic and media was unforgiving. I heard it was the daughters who were pissed at something against their poor dad.
Maybe your elderly family friend's wife was not interested in sex during their marriage.