Hi, I feel like I should introduce myself. I am not entirely new to this site, though I don't recognize a lot of you. I was last here around a year ago as wtff. If that doesn't ring any bells, no worries. I kind of post in bursts and then move on and focus on other areas of my life...

I'm a bio mom of 2, ages 3 and 14. My exH is the bd14's dad, and we get along really well.

I refer to my current husband as "H" because I would not want "DH to be confused for "dear husband". We do not get along. We can't even walk the dog without fighting. I hate living with him but have to stay (I feel) because I am in school, and we have a small child together. H would definitely sue for partial custody, and I am afraid a judge would find him competent to parent alone. H has ADHD and is pretty spaced out. Now that he's medicated he's slightly better. But I'd rather wait until ds3 is more independent.

The problems in my marriage stem mainly from his inability to handle pressures from his family, who are in-laws from hell. Not all of them, of course, but the ones who are bad are really bad. He also can't handle his ex, my step kids' BM. What happens is, whatever their demands are, he caves. Even if he's promised me something different. That's a problem for me. Also, my H is a liar. Might even be a pathological liar. He has confessed he "enjoys" as in "gets a rush" (his words) from getting away with it. I could tell this without him saying so. But the situation is such that I was actually touched that he admitted it.

My stepkids are 9 & 7 and live with us 50/50.

His ADHD has meant that we have unbelievable financial problems. I can't even explain it. It is like a bad movie. It's literally like something out of a shitty novel. He regularly bounces checks. I am a SAHM/full time grad student, so that translates to 99% of my "professional" relationships --anyone he writes a check to-- has had to deal with one of his checks bouncing. They always call me. I usually have money in my personal account, which is mainly funded by support from my ex-h. Meanwhile, I have to SCRAPE to pay for things for my bd14. Is this even possible? Yes. Every few weeks I'll demand H reimburse me, and BD14 gets everything she needs. But it is really annoying. We live in a fancy house that H insisted we buy. We still haven't managed to furnish it. He repeatedly gets bailed out by his (wealthy) family. I should have learned more about his financial situation before I married him. He basically told me he was rich and I was crazy about him because he was *obsessed* with me. We had a very hot time pre-marriage. I had no worries about money or pressures back then because he was literally different. I have since learned this is common in ADHD relationships. They feed off the attention they give to and get from the new person. In a sense, all romantic relationships are like this in the early phase. But this is a specific type of intensity with ADHDers. I was drawn to it and I totally believed it was going to last. I thought I had hit the romantic jackpot. However, he completely abandoned the relationship the second he got me. He started lying. He had a wandering eye. I felt like I had made myself the best I could be, only to become some spoilt boy's toy on a shelf. It was the worst hit I've ever had to my self-esteem.

I was a single mom for a long time before him. I didn't want to settle and I was feeling pretty good about myself! I certainly never bounced checks as a single mom. I was proud. I still am. But now I'm a fancy SAHM who feels real sweat-inducing fear anytime we have to pay for anything. I am not proud of our house. I am not proud of our life. I have zero pride now. I just work on my degree and play with my kids and skids, and ignore him as much as possible.

As for the skids, I make sure they get what they need. I make sure they have clothes, nice toys, adventures, holidays, haircuts, winter coats, summer camp, manners, hygiene, healthy food, doctors' appointments. But I am what I would call "disengaged". This is relative for me. When I married H, they were little, and I actually (please understand where I was coming from!) QUIT my career to "raise" them. Which I did. Both their bio parents are workaholics. BM was totally checked out. I made sure they had good early childhoods. And I felt very, very self-righteous about it all. I got my shit straightened out after 3 years of being their servant and repeatedly being abused by both their bio parents and them. I disengaged and now I do what I feel any adult would do when having children for roommates. I see a need and I fill it. If I don't FEEL like doing the work, I tell their dad to do it. And he usually will. I do not think of them as my kids anymore. But if I were to leave him, I would probably still be an adult in their lives who they can come to. I guess I love them. It's a weird kind of love, though. It's careful.

This is my first year not communicating with their elementary school teachers as I have determined that's not my problem. I have enough to worry about right now.

So that's me. I think this was pretty negative. I guess that's why I'm on this site. I'm usually good for a laugh so I hope I'll get to know people here who enjoy laughing. I am trying to hang in on this marriage until bs3 is about 13. I think at that point he will be able to keep himself safe, and call me if there is a problem. That's a long time to wait. But also by then I'll have a new career that is stable, and maybe a retirement account to show for what I've had to endure with this guy.