We are having some major issues with SD11. She keeps telling us that she doesn't know what her homework is. She makes up excuses for not doing it. She had to write her vocab words and definitions for Science. She didn't do it. We got an alert through the schools grading site that she failed the assignment. Apparently, there were three words she needed to look up and write out the definitions for. When DH confronted her about it, she told him that the teacher didn't give her the sheet. So DH emailed the teacher. The teacher told DH that she wrote the words on the board. SD11 then says she didn't see the words. Then she changed her story again and told DH that the teacher started writing them on the board when the bell rang and she wasn't allowed to stay and copy them down. DH called her out on this BS. He told her she was done with all after school activities until she gets her homework under control. She is also grounded for the 3rd week in a row.
So that is one problem, but here is my main issue. I work early mornings (4 A.M.-2 P.M.) I try to be in bed by 7:30-8:00ish. Every night for the last two weeks, SD11 has needed help with her homework. If you make her sit down to do it by herself, she will just sit there. It has gotten to be such a problem. Last night, DH had to work. He leaves at 4 in the evening and works until 11. So he goes to work. I sat and helped SD11 with her math for an hour and 15 minutes. I didn't have a problem with it b/c she was struggling. After we finished, she had to write her vocab words (again 3 words) and definitions. And she had to do a short worksheet about the words. I brought her my computer and told her to look up the words and finish her homework. I go in and give DD a shower and get her ready for bed. Then I got ready for bed. So I come out an hour later and she hasn't done any of it.
So I tell her, she better have it done by bedtime (she is in trouble so her bedtime is 8:30 this week). I keep coming out to check on her and she isn't getting any farther. I can't sit there with her the entire night. I have two other kids doing homework and DD3 demanding my attention. At 8:30, I tell her to pack up and go to bed. She still wasn't done. She had to get up early and finish her homework this morning.
How does it take 2 hours to write the definitions for 3 vocab words and answer 6 questions. I don't understand it. I told DH that I am done. It is no my job to sit next to her and make her do her homework. I don't mind helping sometimes, but I am not going to spend the entire night doing it. I am at a loss for what to do.
I could have written the exact same post, except my sd is a little older! I wish I had answers, but I don't. We've tried rewards, consequences, helping, not helping and get the same results. Bm in our situation is part of the problem as she justifies sd not doing the work because "she doesn't like it and I'm not going to fight with her about it."
Bm in our situation is part of the problem as she justifies sd not doing the work because "she doesn't like it and I'm not going to fight with her about it."
BINGO!
This has been the MO for the Girhippo the second they came out of her womb. Don't make them do anything they don't want to do. AKA free range your children.
BM is not involved in the SD's daily life. I think part of the problem is the school she went too. She is really far behind, especially in math. She is 11 and doesn't know how to tell time, how to multiple without making a table, or how to add without using her fingers. DH and I honestly believe that BM used to give her the answers. She is still getting good grades, but that is only b/c one of us stands over her and makes sure she does her work. I just don't want to spend my nights doing that. I work and take care of the kids all day. I'd like at least an hour of relaxation a night.
I would get her eyes tested, have her reading level tested, then have her tested for any learning or processing disorders. Because it sounds like she learns well when you talk about and orally explain the material, but not if she has to read it herself.
My mother is a middle school teacher in California and has about had it with the students and is retiring this December. I don't know if this is common in all schools now, just California, or just her school district. The kids do not do their homework. All the teachers have pretty much given up assigning any homework because around 3 of the 30 students will only complete it. If the students get an F in the class, it doesn't matter, they still get passed on to the next grade level. My jaw was on the floor when she told me this. These kids are in a middle class city and not even coming to school with pencils or paper. It seems the district really has taken the "no child left behind" to heart!
My SS13 claims to never has homework to do over the weekend. He never brings his backpack here. I wonder what his grades will look like this year. High school is going to be a shock for him next year.
Seems like proper homework discipline routines haven't been established. Get the teacher to email you the homework and yes DH will need to wake up early and help her with it. Do it for 4 weeks and she will not only develop the habit but the positive reinforcement from school will motivate her. It will be a hard month but it will help with the long term pain.
Comments
We are having some major
We are having some major issues with SD11. She keeps telling us that she doesn't know what her homework is. She makes up excuses for not doing it. She had to write her vocab words and definitions for Science. She didn't do it. We got an alert through the schools grading site that she failed the assignment. Apparently, there were three words she needed to look up and write out the definitions for. When DH confronted her about it, she told him that the teacher didn't give her the sheet. So DH emailed the teacher. The teacher told DH that she wrote the words on the board. SD11 then says she didn't see the words. Then she changed her story again and told DH that the teacher started writing them on the board when the bell rang and she wasn't allowed to stay and copy them down. DH called her out on this BS. He told her she was done with all after school activities until she gets her homework under control. She is also grounded for the 3rd week in a row.
So that is one problem, but here is my main issue. I work early mornings (4 A.M.-2 P.M.) I try to be in bed by 7:30-8:00ish. Every night for the last two weeks, SD11 has needed help with her homework. If you make her sit down to do it by herself, she will just sit there. It has gotten to be such a problem. Last night, DH had to work. He leaves at 4 in the evening and works until 11. So he goes to work. I sat and helped SD11 with her math for an hour and 15 minutes. I didn't have a problem with it b/c she was struggling. After we finished, she had to write her vocab words (again 3 words) and definitions. And she had to do a short worksheet about the words. I brought her my computer and told her to look up the words and finish her homework. I go in and give DD a shower and get her ready for bed. Then I got ready for bed. So I come out an hour later and she hasn't done any of it.
So I tell her, she better have it done by bedtime (she is in trouble so her bedtime is 8:30 this week). I keep coming out to check on her and she isn't getting any farther. I can't sit there with her the entire night. I have two other kids doing homework and DD3 demanding my attention. At 8:30, I tell her to pack up and go to bed. She still wasn't done. She had to get up early and finish her homework this morning.
How does it take 2 hours to write the definitions for 3 vocab words and answer 6 questions. I don't understand it. I told DH that I am done. It is no my job to sit next to her and make her do her homework. I don't mind helping sometimes, but I am not going to spend the entire night doing it. I am at a loss for what to do.
Do what you just did.....you
Do what you just did.....you told DH that you are done. You will help, but not at the expense of losing sleep and spending the entire night doing it.
Your DH needs to come up with a solution. What is her currency? Video games? Phone? TV? Find it and USE it. It's up to your DH to fix this.
My DH works from 4 P.M. until
My DH works from 4 P.M. until 11 P.M.
I could have written the
I could have written the exact same post, except my sd is a little older! I wish I had answers, but I don't. We've tried rewards, consequences, helping, not helping and get the same results. Bm in our situation is part of the problem as she justifies sd not doing the work because "she doesn't like it and I'm not going to fight with her about it."
Bm in our situation is part
Bm in our situation is part of the problem as she justifies sd not doing the work because "she doesn't like it and I'm not going to fight with her about it."
BINGO!
This has been the MO for the Girhippo the second they came out of her womb. Don't make them do anything they don't want to do. AKA free range your children.
Disastrous!
BM is not involved in the
BM is not involved in the SD's daily life. I think part of the problem is the school she went too. She is really far behind, especially in math. She is 11 and doesn't know how to tell time, how to multiple without making a table, or how to add without using her fingers. DH and I honestly believe that BM used to give her the answers. She is still getting good grades, but that is only b/c one of us stands over her and makes sure she does her work. I just don't want to spend my nights doing that. I work and take care of the kids all day. I'd like at least an hour of relaxation a night.
I would get her eyes tested,
I would get her eyes tested, have her reading level tested, then have her tested for any learning or processing disorders. Because it sounds like she learns well when you talk about and orally explain the material, but not if she has to read it herself.
My mother is a middle school
My mother is a middle school teacher in California and has about had it with the students and is retiring this December. I don't know if this is common in all schools now, just California, or just her school district. The kids do not do their homework. All the teachers have pretty much given up assigning any homework because around 3 of the 30 students will only complete it. If the students get an F in the class, it doesn't matter, they still get passed on to the next grade level. My jaw was on the floor when she told me this. These kids are in a middle class city and not even coming to school with pencils or paper. It seems the district really has taken the "no child left behind" to heart!
My SS13 claims to never has homework to do over the weekend. He never brings his backpack here. I wonder what his grades will look like this year. High school is going to be a shock for him next year.
Seems like proper homework
Seems like proper homework discipline routines haven't been established. Get the teacher to email you the homework and yes DH will need to wake up early and help her with it. Do it for 4 weeks and she will not only develop the habit but the positive reinforcement from school will motivate her. It will be a hard month but it will help with the long term pain.