The Ongoing Homework War
DH and I have been dealing with SD11's refusal to do her homework since the beginning of the year. Her grades just came out. She managed to pass everything. She had 2 Ds. She was only 1 or 2 points from failing both classes. Her other grades were okay. But, I am so tired of hearing her excuses. It is never her fault. DH and I have been tracking her grades online. We knew she was going to get low grades because she never does her homework. The only way to get her to do her homework is to sit there and force her to do it. DH has given up on it b/c she starts screaming and crying. It turns our entire house into a war zone for the entire night. It was becoming too much. So he told her that it was her responsibility, but she would lose privileges for every homework assignment that wasn't completed. Of course, if you ask her, none of this is her fault. Her teachers won't help her or they don't like her.
Last night, DH told her to drop the BS. He told her that he counted her missing assignments for the quarter. She had 11 missing assignments. He told her there was no excuse. Of course, she started screaming at him and throwing stuff. She is in counseling, but I don't see any improvement. I hate spending my evenings listening to them argue, but I am at a loss for what we can do. We have literally taken every privilege away from her and she still refuses to do her homework.
I have completely disengaged. My standard answer to her is ask your dad. She tries to engage me in her fits, by saying things about me and my kids. Or, she will yell, "I hate living here and slam things around." I have simply learned to walk way. But to be honest, this is really starting to become a problem. Our house has become so uncomfortable that I don't want to be here.
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That is what I do. I tell
That is what I do. I tell the other kids to go play or watch TV. I take the youngest one to my room. It just goes on all night, but DH deals with it. After the time I got angry and lost it, I realized that I want no part of it. I just keep holding out that with counseling her behavior will get better.
That is what I told DH. He
That is what I told DH. He seems hesitant for some reason. I told him that he should make life easier and find her a tutor, but it will ultimately be up to him.
hell, lady, the schools here
hell, lady, the schools here dont even go that far!!! oss quit trying after elementary school. in highschool they started 'sentencing' him to summer school. three summers later, guess who's set to graduate at the end of this school year?
kaos is heading down the same path, i havent seen him do homework in probably two months. (and NO, it's not been done before i get home as his backpack is usually left in dh's vehicle). meh. his problems, as ya'll know, go WELL beyond grades. dh can deal w/ his ass.
Hey, we must have the same SD
Hey, we must have the same SD
My SD was missing 11 assignments as well and had 5 late assignments which resulted in lower grades.
Good Times, Good Times
I can confidently tell you
I can confidently tell you that if I didn't get the kids to sit down at the kitchen table and help them through organizing and completing their homework be assignments the SKIDS and my bios would probably have poor grades as well. I'm confused how a parent is surprised at a report card when I think it's a key parental function to at minimum read agendas and communications from teachers on a daily basis. I would know if assignments weren't being completed and if they weren't then we wouldn't have any extras. As I've said, college is the key to my freedom and I will be damned (quite literally) if they don't get in and out of my house.
Oh, we read them and track
Oh, we read them and track her grades. We know what is due. My DH sits with her and tries to get her to do her work. She absolutely refuses. She will sit there and argue with him. She will throw a fit like a toddler or start screaming. She has absolutely no privileges right now. When she is not working on homework, she sits in her room or does extra chores. She gets extra work on the weekends and has time to work on homework. She sits and stares at the wall. I have never seen a kid as stubborn as she is. My DH was battling her to do her homework until bedtime each night. But short of taking the pencil and forcing her hand to move, I am at a loss on what to do.
To date, she has no social life, no electronics, has to eat dinner by herself (after she threw a plate of food), wears only certain clothes, does not participate in family activities, and is not allowed to participate in anything at school.
She even smirked at DH the other day when she got in trouble and asked what he was going to do now that she has no privileges.
We just keep hoping that counseling will work. According to SD, she doesn't need to do homework because it is pointless (which is something BM says all the time). The counselor told DH that he needs to let SD take responsibility for her work, which is why he hasn't been fighting with her as much.
this is bigger than homework.
this is bigger than homework. this one is heading down the wrong path. make it clear to dh that if this continues, she's cut off at 18. no bailing out of jail, no helping with babies, no giving her money. she sounds psychotic
Well, I can tell you how she
Well, I can tell you how she is going to turn out - just like ASS.
He only does what he wants to do, when he wants to do it. Currently has no phone, no computer. Doesn't matter, he feels that going without is better than giving into the tyranny of parenting.
Whatever, dude. Whatthefuckever.
oh puzzled.... i agree with
oh puzzled.... i agree with the counselor, but your dh is not following through. he needs to LET SD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER WORK. dont fight at ALL. no, not 'as much'. he needs to make it not at all.
sounds like kaos, she's got no currency. she's gonna do what she wants, when she wants to.. is the counselor skilled in helping kids who are O.D.D.?
My response to "teacher
My response to "teacher doesn't like me!" is "are you likable?" I throw it back on the child that it is their responsibility to behave in a way that is pleasant and cooperative. This removes the ridiculous excuse from the kid's repertoire of whining. Has the added benefit of teaching them to notice their own behavior once in awhile. No one has to like you just because you exist. Huh. What a concept.
SD16 did this crap from 14-15. Starting this school year (but not at the end of last school year a few months ago) she seems to have let go of that behavior. Not sure why. Could be summer school (which I had been advocating for years), which she finally was forced to do this summer, turned her around. She actually liked it. Who knows.
I would also recommend giving
I would also recommend giving her a choice of A) doing homework assignment or
some unpleasant chore. If you can't get her to cooperate even with that I would start messing with her food (assuming all the other desirable objects have been taken away). Hope she enjoys her steamed broccoli and poached chicken every night. Nothing tasty. Just nutritious. No sauces or seasonings. Tell her you are helping her train for the diet she will have as an adult since she will not be able to afford any spices or cheese or anything she likes in the future.
You can even make her "buy" some tasty food. 5 homework assignments equals brown sugar to go with her oatmeal. Stuff like that.