Well....she did not disappoint.

SD16 arrived here this afternoon (after BM called and asked DH to pick her up 4 hours early) completely unaware of what she was about to walk into. I was practically pacing at the door when she got here. She walked in first, DH followed behind her looking like he was about to be sick. As usual, she does her sickly sweet,’ hiiiiiiii’ and walks past me to the living room. Before she can plop her lazy ass down DH said, “SD16, Fedup and I need to talk to you in your room.” She stares at us and doesn’t move. “Now, upstairs.”

We get into her room and I turn to DH and say, “Do you want to start or should I?” He pauses a moment and looks as about as uncomfortable as I’ve ever seen him be. I give him a look like, “don’t you dare back down now” and he sighs heavily and closes his eyes. “Sweetheart, is there anything in your closet that doesn’t belong to you?”

She dumb-stares us. Not a word. I open her closet door and show her the underwear hiding under her hoodie. I tell her to explain herself.

She is quiet for a minute; she tries to make eye contact with daadddyyy...who looks like he wants to be pretty much anywhere in the world but here. Then her face changes to confusion, then anger.

“What is SHE doing in MY closet?”

Ever seen The Exorcist? When the kid’s head spins around 180 degrees? Yeah, that was me. I lost my shit.

“Excuse me little girl! You do not pay rent here. You do not contribute ANYTHING in this house. Every single room here is MINE. I bought this house. I am the REASON you have a room, a bed, a dresser, and this closet! Make no mistake, if you take that tone with me I will ensure you will only have a mattress on the floor the next time you come here. There will be nothing, not even a door. I will glue, nail, dry-wall over your closet if I have to. Now ...I will only ask you once...before I have a stroke...explain yourself.”

The wailing starts, and in no particular order this is what she blubbers out:

WHY DO I ALWAYS GET BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING!!!!

I DIDN’T PUT THEM THERE!!!

FEDUP DOES THE LAUNDRY! ASK HER! <---I knew that was coming

DAAAAADDDDDYYYYY NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!!!

YOU GAVE ME YOUR OLD SHORTS BEFORE! (shorts not underwear!)

MAYBE I PUT THEM THERE AND DON’T REMEMBER!!

I’VE BEEN VERY SAD SINCE I BROKE UP WITH CHESTER THE MOLESTER (underwear has been missing long before he was in the picture)

I WANT MY MOM!!!!

^^This one set DH off...’Really sd16? You want to call your mom? No problem! Let’s call her and tell her ALLLLLL about this.’

“DDDDDDAAAAAADDDDDDYYYYY NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”

THEN WHY THE F*CK ARE MY UNDERWEAR IN YOUR CLOSET?????!!!!!

She threw herself on her bed and hid her head under a pillow. “LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” *sobs*

DH: ANSWER ME NOW!!!!

Queue the hysterical crying for a good 5 minutes. ‘I didn’t think you’d think I did it’.

I said, ‘So you were hoping your dad would think I was doing something with them and he would get mad at me or I would think he was leaving them somewhere and I would get mad at him.’

She nodded. DH walked out of the room.

ME: EVERY BLOODY THING IS COMING OUT OF THIS ROOM. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU’RE HIDING!!

*queue sobs and protests of unfairness*

So there you have it...she just wanted to start some shit between DH and I. I’m thankful it wasn’t something gross or overly deranged. Best part? I pretty much told DH what she would say and I quoted her almost word for word. I even wrote it down before hand and showed the list (deny, blame fedup, blame dh, confess) to both of them after it was done. I don’t think SD16 wants to be my friend anymore. Boo freakin hoo.

Part 2 later after the room toss! Yay!