The Room Toss (Part 2 Of Underwear Gate Exposed)
Thankfully SD16 doesn’t keep a lot of things here...DH, SD16 and I spent about an hour or so going through her room. There doesn’t appear to be anything else sinister hiding in it. We stood over her while she went through everything. It was nice to see that almost everything I’ve ever given her (homemade scarf, some leggings and a sweater) was shoved under her bed and obviously not used. This pissed DH off more than the underwear. I went through every inch of the room, overturned the mattress and boxspring, pulled the furniture out from the wall to look behind, everything out of the closet, the shelves, desk and dresser. It looks like a hurricane went through. When DH and I were satisfied there was nothing left to find, SD16 had the nerve to say, ‘SEE??? I told you there was nothing else!!!’
Seriously? Getting lippy now??? OK... Before I left the room I leaned in realllllll close to her and said, ‘Give it up. My house, my rules. I’m not going ANYWHERE. Accept it or expect more visits to go down like this one. Grow up.’
DH told her she wasn’t leaving the room till everything was put away properly. She is wailing in her room and slamming things around.
DH looks so defeated...he apologized for thinking I did something with his underwear all these months. Apologized for me having to deal with her...but then said, ‘I don’t think it was necessary for you to have written down what you thought would happen and show it to her. I think that embarrassed her.’
What the eff ever DH...like THAT is the thing she is most embarrassed about right now. I love his classic backhanded apologies.
Sad part is this isn’t the first time she’s tried to cause shit in our marriage. DH used to work Saturdays and I was lucky enough to have to be alone with her on her weekends here. One time she told DH (while I was conveniently out of the house of course) that I ‘ignore’ her when he’s at work. He lost it on me when I walked in the door. When he realized he version of ‘ignore’ was allowing her an extra hour of tv and me watching my own show in another room, he kissed my ass for a good long time. That was a game changer for her and I...I haven’t trusted her since. She wasn’t even mad at me! Just wanted to cause a fight! I wonder if she does that with BM and her stepdad.
At least DH doesn’t question my honesty anymore.
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Comments
Yaasssss!
Yaasssss!
You absolutely have a point
You absolutely have a point clevergirl...and I am not usually a rub-it-in-told-ya-so person. (and DH is one) But for the past 3 years I have listened to DH make excuse after excuse for this child's behaviour, telling him he is creating a monster that will turn on him the second he finally puts his foot down. I called it when she was 13 and this shit started. She is a classic attention seeker. Unless 100% of everyone's attention is on her 100% of the time she is not happy. The past year has been a real wake up call for him. He can no longer deny it. Father's Day was horrible and now this. The note was more for her benefit...more like a 'your games end NOW. I'm calling you out.' kind of thing. Embarrass her? Yep. But maybe it will make her pause for a moment the next time she thinks she can pull a stunt like this again.
DH is sad and I am supporting him. He is not upset with me.
Amen To That!
Amen To That!
Aww, come on - you're killing
Aww, come on - you're killing my buzz! Let's savor this a bit before stepping back into the sh!t.
Silly Wabbit! I have plenty.
Silly Wabbit! I have plenty. A girl likes a little variety, don'chakno. But right now, fedup is making this straight girl hot! She wins the innerwebs, for sure!
You were PERFECT!!!!!
You were PERFECT!!!!! Handled it like a champ.
Your DH just completely blew it. I would be so pissed at him. I agree with the game of thrones and the bell. Both DH and SD need to walk around as people yell out shame shame shame to them .
Oh, this is soooo rich! I too
Oh, this is soooo rich!
I too am wondering about what her consequences will be. Maybe standing at a busy intersection wearing a sandwich board that reads, "I stole my father's underpants"?
Oh, ha, that is great!
Oh, ha, that is great! }:)
If she is anything like my
If she is anything like my SD16 she loves her SF and would never do anything to cause problems at their house!! She writes on fb how much she loves him on father's day, I get nothing. She calls him her parent, I get nothing. I'm sick of it. I used to try but not anymore, I'm so over it. She is so stuck up her daddddyyyyy's ass it ain't even funny!! :sick:
Oh and mine did that thing too with telling daddddyyyyy that I ignore her and go to my room when he is not there! Yep I sure do, because I don't want to have to "entertain" your lazy ass like daddddyyyyy does!!
I think (after her mess is
I think (after her mess is straightened back up) that she needs to come down and sit with you and Dad. DH needs to ask her why she did what she did and what she hoped to accomplish from it. Yeah, he can follow up after her lying, excusing and crying with how disappointed he is in her and how silly she was to think something like this would work. That he loves you, you're there to stay and he will not allow her to disrespect you. That if she gets it in her mind to ever try another stupid trick that ___________________ (fill in the blank).
You held yourself well with SD, but IMO Dad needs to finish this with her. Just my opinion, but I think she needs to hear from her father that this shit isn't going to fly. You said he's bee three years ignoring and/or excusing the brat and her behavior. It's time he stand as the parent to her and let her know this stunt was a turning point for him.
I agree. Your dh needs to
I agree. Your dh needs to man up and finish it. She's 16, not 10. I'd go so far as to say he should let her know that if she tries causing problems in his marriage again she will not be welcome in his home. Period. He can visit her outside the home until she turns 18.
I concur. She was handed the
I concur. She was handed the answer and an "out" for her behavior. Sit her down. Make sure you and DH are comfortable. Ask her "why did you take the underwear?" If she responds with what you said tell her that's what you said and she agreed but you want the real reason in her own words. Then wait. Do not say a word. Try to not even move. No exchanging looks with each other. Just wait. If she tries to leave tell her you are all sitting there until she answers. Wait.
It may take a long time but if you can outlast her she will crack and start talking.
You base your response on
You base your response on admitting to 'not following my blog'. (but you have commented on some of them...but I digress...) I typed this out quickly after it happened. It is not exactly verbatim. She did verbally admit to doing this to start trouble before I said the part about DH and I being mad at each other. I was more confirming what she said. Emotions and adrenalin were running high and I typed it out within minutes of it happening. Next time I will be sure to record it for your approval.
Ah. Then no need to
Ah. Then no need to interrogate more. I do agree with all the others about talking to her about it and how messed up that is. I just hope she really came away with the impression that you and DH are a team because it sounds like you were a united front through it all...the very thing she didn't want.
This kid is not that bright.
This kid is not that bright. Why didn't she just throw them in the trash instead of keeping them in her room, being potentially and ultimately found out? Amateurs.
I'm glad she was caught in her lies and all, but what she did all the way around was just stupid!
Dpn't you just love it when
Dpn't you just love it when you call how shit is going to go down and it HAPPENS!! It took me a few years of doing that for DH to finally see I was right. He finally admitted it one day but then he still went back to his old ways of kissing BM's and the SS's asses. He did learn some lessons though. He pretty much gave up on begging or bribing OSS to come around so at least that battle was won. The part that pisses me off is when I described BM exactly as far as her selfish manipulative ways....DH always defended her and acted like I was just paranoid. Then two years later admits she was always like that, even during their marriage. WHAT??? You bastard for making me feel like a horrible person for distrusting that bitch from day one...and NOW you admit she was ALWAYS like that?? Suck it DH....I will never doubt my instinct again.
You are my hero! I love the
You are my hero! I love the fact that you all made her put everything back place.