Living with SD fulltime is turning me into an insane person
It is very great to be able to reach out to others going through my situation or similar. I've been married to my DH for about 13 months. We have been together since SD was about 6 or 7. My DH has had her since she was just a year old...however the girl is deeply influenced by BM. She used to only see BM for holidays, summer visits or sometimes on the weekend when BM had sometime made up family tragedy etc. Since I've married DH I have slowed those visits down because when SD, 10-years-old now, comes back she had a bad attitude and hardly speak to me. SD is also almost the spitting image of BD. She lies about everything and is manipulatives. She even looks like the women. 
I'm also kind still surprised that my DH would have ever had sex with such a nasty looking women both inside and out.
I've tried to tell DH about SD's attitude with me and her teachers but I don't know what else to do. She has the mini-wife thing down bad. On Saturdays and Sundays and during the school week all she does is sit in the livingroom all over my DH. I never have time with him until we force her to go to bed...or they both fall asleep in the livingroom. I even recently had to stop him from washing her hair in the tube.
DH and I don't have any kids of our own. For some reason although he says otherwise, I think he thinks I'm happy with this...because he never wants sex. He is also 18 years older than me. Sometimes as much as I love that man I want to just move away to another town and leave it all...but I think that is exactly what SD wants. What do I do? She never goes outside to play...she is nothing like I was when I was a child...you know playing in my room...reading books. I try to encourage her to do things little girls should do. I've taken her to volunteer, to paint, etc. but she always goes back to being downstairs in the living room... she's almost like a piece of the furniture...right next to my DH and it is driving me insane. I don't think a lot of the therapists here know much about blended families. I would like nothing more than for her to go back to her mother but I think that women is crazy....and I'm almost there dealing with DH's mess.
Well yes but DH is such a
Well yes but DH is such a kind person to me and love comes at all ages...but maybe that is why i'm so angry. Should I just leave? Not sure what to do at this point because I feel stuck.
He never initiates sex with
He never initiates sex with me. It is always me doing that even if he is turned on. One Sunday recently this preacher that I don't know called me out to the alter and said I was very depressed and it was something about a child that didn't make it or being unable to have a child. We still havent had sex since then or before that. It's been a while. When I complain about how little sex we have I'm afraid that it is not attractive to nag. I try to dress myself up so i can be more attractive..but according to him... I cant walk around his daughter with even cute robes on. I feel like my clock is ticking on having my own child. He just told me to let him know when i'm ovulating again...I guess that will be the next time we have sex.
Sometimes as much as I love
Sometimes as much as I love that man I want to just move away to another town and leave it all...but I think that is exactly what SD wants.
Do not make a decision based on what your SD wants or doesn't want. Even if you feel she will "win" if you leave, if you are not happy, you lose by staying.
Yes, love comes at all ages but love is not always enough.
Maybe I am way out of line or
Maybe I am way out of line or maybe your sex drive isn't as strong as mine is but there is no way I'd be able to stay in step-hell for a guy who doesn't even act like he wants me.
Your problem is not the
Your problem is not the stepchild it is that you have a sexless marriage that is not okay with you. Get out. Find a man who grabs you because he loves you and you are irresistible when you come in all muddy from planting the garden. That's what your marriage should be about -- intimate moments where sharing is exciting and inevitable.
Who cares what the stepdaughter wants. Leave. Find a guy with a similar sex drive to yours and similar goals in life. Don't look back.
^^^^this^^^
^^^^this^^^
My stepdad is exactly 17
My stepdad is exactly 17 years older than my mom, and like most men, he gropes her constantly! Throw your old fish back in the water, girlfriend.
I agree with MisSTEP. A SM's prize for dealing with these a-hole skids is that their daddies turn us out in the bedroom, in the kitchen, on the couch, in the shower, in the backseat of the car, and on and on and on allllll night long. LOL
You are too young to be
You are too young to be tolerating this crap. I am 12 years older than my bride and I am 51. My wife is 39. We have been married for several months shy of 21 years. We can't get enough of each other.
I find your complaining followed by defending your SO very telling. That is not a healthy situation to be in. If you have something to complain about yet immediately pop to defending him when people support you and express concern and frustration over the things you are frustrated about then you have some soul searching to do.
Find someone who takes your breath away and who wants what you want.
I can relate. I have 2 skids,
I can relate. I have 2 skids, both influenced by psycho bm, both messed up, both sadly take after the bm in every way, nasty inside and out
Has it ever occurred to you
Has it ever occurred to you that he doesn't want to have sex because he doesn't want to have a child with you?
And PLEASE for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT go getting knocked up by some guy you aren't even sure you are happy with.
My SO is 18 years older than
My SO is 18 years older than me, and we can't get enough of each other. I fancy the pants off him, and he definitely feels the same way about me. Having an equal expectation of quality and regularity of sex, having similarly matched libidos, is much more important that the amount of sex you have - you would be equally unhappy having sex every single day if you didn't want to.
Does your SO feel like you only want him intimately so he can be a sperm donor...? Is that the only way or reason you try and initiate sex? "Hey honey, if I'm going to have a baby before my eggs dry up, we need to be getting to it now!" isn't exactly a turn on for anyone, no matter how many cute robes you dress it up in.
I'm telling you right now,
I'm telling you right now, that when it comes to blended families and stepHell, love is NOT enough. It's very hard to stay in love when you are extremely unhappy. Love & happiness go hand in hand much easier in NON-step relationships. When you are an unhappy step, it's hard to stay in love. Especially when you feel like being a step is taking more from you than what you are receiving...then you start to resent the relationship. After that, it becomes nearly impossible to have either love or happiness.
Take everyone's advice and experience and DO NOT have a baby until you are absolutely sure that you will be happy & fulfilled with managing both a baby/toddler while at the same time, dealing with a pre-teen girl whose attitude will keep getting worse and there will be nothing you can do to change the SD. If your SD is anything like mine, a lying manipulating pre-teen SD will cast a cloud over your new family and make you feel even more broken than you do right now. No matter how great your SO is, he will not bring you happiness with his current situation. Do you really want to look at his ex's clone for the rest of your life?
You really do not sound
You really do not sound happy. I have a SD10 who is the same way. She is all over DH when she is at our house. Very demanding of his attention. I avoid both of them the weeks that she is there. If I didn't have a week break from her, I would go insane too.
I agree with the advice above. This situation will not get any better or easier. Adding a child to the mix will make things so much harder for yourself.
Put your head up, take a deep breath and do the right thing for YOURSELF!! Life is too short to be unhappy!