Should I feel guilty
SS15 has been stealing AND "borrowing" (I use this loosely b/c who knows what he tells us)money from friends for as long as I can remember...recently he "borrowed $15-20 from a classmate...DH and I got on him about it and ultimately left him to deal with the consequences. (being he has no job, no allowance, no steady income...how can you borrow?) He runs to the store with every cent he gets so of course that's how we discovered the money. Soooo I noticed he has been blowing the money he steals/borrows and the money I put on his lunch account at school (snacks, drinks..etc). This morning I noticed his lunch account was low and I decided I was not putting anything on there. He just called me to ask if I could put something on, I said nope and left it at that. But I can't help but wonder if I should feel some sort of guilt as this is classified as my parental obligation to make sure he eats and has a roof over his head. But I don't...not one once of guilt!
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If he's not your child, why
If he's not your child, why would you feel that you have a parental obligation? (moral I can understand, but still). Shouldn't he be calling his father for lunch money?
I usually handle the lunch
I usually handle the lunch accounts for all 3 of the kids but you do bring up a point...b/c I haven't been speaking to him lately and directing him to DH for pretty much everything. However he knows DH cannot answer phone at work...though he also knew he didn't have money on account since yesterday...sooooooo guess he's SOL
Yup...food in fridge...they
Yup...food in fridge...they all usually have the option of packing but don't...I have no problem with them buying...we agreed on that earlier in the year. However it just pisses me off that you are walking around with other peoples money in your pocket and you don't mind buying crap from the corner store or vending machine with every 2 pennies you can rub together. We're not talking a few dollars...he's come home with $20-40 in a week.
Right there.... Are you sure
Right there.... Are you sure that he's borrowing money? Either he has some really good friends that are well off or ........ fill in the blank as you see fit. High school students with enough money to lend a 20? Not usually. *(just saying)
In my home the kids pack and
In my home the kids pack and at the beginning of the week I buy enough snacks for lunches and put them in the kitchen cabinet, not in the pantry (out of sight out of mind) if they decide to eat snacks out of the lunch stash than they don't get them in their lunch towards the end of the week. Now, there is plenty of other food and this has only been an issue once or twice but it's the principal of it. There are always snacks in the house but the individual wrapped crap is more expensive so I prefer it stay just for lunches. I'm rambling, anyway my suggestion to you would be to implement a similar strategy. At the beginning of the week/month however your school does it, load x amount on the lunch card, when it's empty he can pack.
You're correct...and I think
You're correct...and I think we're on the same page. I get an alert when the limit I have set is low...I can also see what they are purchasing...he maxed out and I feel like that's on him...it's not time for me to make any additional deposits to it.
I think if you were making
I think if you were making the kid starve to prove a point you should feel guilty. In this case, I think expecting him to pack a lunch is a good teaching tool and continuing to put more money on it is enabling. I also think you need your DH's support on this and probably a conversation with your SS explaining the new rule.
If he is inconvenienced by having to get up early to make a lunch, actually take the effort to do it or go without because he couldn't be bothered I think he will learn his lesson pretty quickly.
As for the borrowing, I don't think there is much you can do there. If his friends are dumb enough to let him, they will eventually figure it out. I would just keep a close eye on your own stuff.
Don't feel guilty think of
Don't feel guilty think of it as teaching him a valuable life lesson about :
1. Not borrowing money you have no means of paying back
2. Budgeting money you have
If there is a fridge full of food at home he won't starve & is able to take packed lunch if he needs to. We had this same problem with SS11 but it escalated to the point that he was stealing money from DH & even my purse! Needless to say even though the situation is now allegedly resolved I never carry cash on me and always pay by card for fear of being fleeced in my own home again!
What is DH going to say when
What is DH going to say when he finds out you did not put more money in the lunch account?
Honestly he would probably
Honestly he would probably tell me why I did it before I tell him the reason. He's sooo over the drama too.