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Mooching 36 year old

Bethany's picture

Submitted by Bethany on Wed, 07/26/2017 - 11:50am

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Adult Stepchildren

Well, stepdaughter with the man who has 2 children from different mothers--and pays NO child support--lost his license. He refuses to get a real job as he doesn't believe he should pay child support. So, my SD just asked my husband for 230.00 to pay her car loan he co-signed! I found out through friends who are VERY concerned at her awful choices that she RENTED a 4D video game set up for the unemployed BF!!! He stays up all night playing video games and sleeps all day. She HATES me because I nicely point out she has made very poor choices. She continues to try to get pregnant with this man! Insane! She has a young son who is entering teen hood and I pointed out he will need her even more!

Husband was just hospitalized recently for pneumonia. She never called, never asked if she could do anything. He was JUST discharged and we receive the text that she needs to "borrow the car loan money". I've HAD IT!!!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 07/26/2017 - 12:22pm

Are your finances combined or separate? If separate, it shouldn't matter that your DH wants to throw away money on his daughter or her lazy SO. If combined and it's affecting finances, you NEED to split them ASAP.

Icansorelate's picture

Submitted by Icansorelate on Wed, 07/26/2017 - 12:50pm

Even if separate, it does matter. If you are married, you are responsible legally for your DH's medical expenses if he gets sick. What happens in your old age if you have money to retire and he does not? Do you retire and he works forever? If he cannot work or will not work, will you be supporting him? Even if you lay down the law and refuse to support him, if he gets sick, you are on the hook. You cannot prenup away medical bills. The only correct answer here is he not only said no, he learned his lesson and never cosigns anything again.

Steppedonnomore's picture

Submitted by Steppedonnomore on Wed, 07/26/2017 - 3:06pm

Everything you say is correct. But, it is a tricky situation for the OP. If her DH refuses to give $ for the car loan, then it becomes past due and affects his credit. If it remains past due, the risk is that the car will be re-possessed and then her DH's credit score drops considerably. If their finances are separate the damage to her may be minimal. But, if they had planned on any joint purchases in the future (vacation home, new car, RV) then his low credit score will affect those plans.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 07/26/2017 - 12:44pm

Thank God my DH will not give my SD26 a dime, because she makes bad choices and refuses to work and that irritates him to no end. He would NEVER co-sign for her for anything.

She also has a low-life boyfriend that she would like to get pregnant by. Sure, he doesn't see, or pay CS for the kid that he has, nor has he ever had a steady job, nor does he have a car, but go ahead and have his kid.

He is in jail right now (and will possibly do some prison time), and I must say, it's probably the best thing for her, although she doesn't realize it.

Does your SD work?

sammigirl's picture

Submitted by sammigirl on Wed, 07/26/2017 - 5:10pm

Cut the purse strings! That's what I did with YSS20 (he is now 53) and is still worthless. For almost 3 years, after DH and I were married (37 years ago), YSS drained us for every penny he could whine about.

One morning, at the breakfast table, he ask for $$$$; I said very calmly; "NO, and please don't ask again. You will not continue to live here, use our phone, or eat off our table, unless you have a full time job, from this minute forward." My DH's mouth fell open, but no words came from him. OSS, DIL, SD, and SIL were all sitting at the weekend family breakfast; it was the perfect opportunity for me to take charge.

YSS moved out the next day, moved in with BM 200 miles away; BM enabled him and still is enabling him. SD56 is also enabling him to this day. I ended up being the bad SM, but he received no more $$$$ from us and DH stood behind my wishes to this day.

I didn't discuss it with DH and haven't since. Sometimes you have to take the wheel or have a big crash!

Go for it and ((((hugs))))

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 07/27/2017 - 3:10am

Sammi - you will always be my role model on this site......

if not for you I never would've been where I'm today

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Wed, 07/26/2017 - 6:25pm

"NO, and please don't ask again. You will not continue to live here, use our phone, or eat off our table, unless you have a full time job, from this minute forward." What a gal!!! LOL LOL It easier for you to be the bad SM than DH to do his job as a parent. Been there, done that!.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Wed, 07/26/2017 - 9:16pm

Wonder if DH can repo the car if she misses the payment? Or, perhaps he can agree to pay this payment if custody of the car is given to him (parked in storage) til SD can get caught up OR refinance.

Don't know the legalities in your area. I repo'd a car that I co-signed on a loan for/on title since I had made multiple payments & ex-bf offered it to a dealer as a trade-in.