What would you do?
So my SS7 came to my home Friday evening. My husband took off for work and pretty much is nonexistent during the weekend because of a demanding work schedule.. I was tired from being at work the entire day and was ready for bed. I fed my daughter and stepson dinner showered and got ready for bed. I told my stepson my phone was on the tabe and to call BM at 9. I ended up nodding off whie trying to ur my daughter to bed. 3 hours later I woke up to crazy messages and a gazillion missed calls from BM. She said she was calling the cops because I was our posing ignoring her calls and was not allowing Ss To call her. Crock of shit .. This has never happened in 4 years that I've been with DH. I told her I fell asleep told him to call and. That he was asleep . ( After alkng to him in the am, he said he didnt see the phone, it was on thr table where i said. he isnt the brightest apple in the bunch) I offered to wake hm up bt she declined. About 10 mins later , I get a knock on my door from an officer. She was at my home to do a well child check I guess. I was beyond furious and even more pissed because this was the second time she called the cops for bullshit and my daughter was a witness to it. I'm completely over this and do not want to watch SS any longer. my husband is threatening to leave but at this point I could care less. BM is a terrible person and a poor excuse for a mother. She is mad because I do so much for stepson. As a result she is always out to make my life a living hell! Shit has been shitty between DH and i for a year now. ive lost all respect for him. He makes it seem that his only concern is his son not his wife or daughter. Also I do work with children and if anything were to come up on my record , I risk not being able to work in the childcare profession. I need some advice! Would you continue to watch your stepchild? Would you try and work things out with your DH and just disengage with stepson?
I would refuse to watch SS
I would refuse to watch SS unless DH was present. You shouldn't have to be dealing with all that crap. It really makes me sick sometimes reading all these posts of all the crap we all have to put up with. Feel like screaming right now. What is freaking wrong with these men??
I would have never agreed to
I would have never agreed to watch the kid in the first place. If dad is "pretty much nonexistent during the weekends", what's the point of having the child there?
^^This. My DH works nights
^^This. My DH works nights some weekends, but he's at least there to spend time with the kids during the day. By the time he goes to work, they're going to bed. I can't imagine just babysitting kids all weekend if he never got to see them.
What would I do NOW in your
What would I do NOW in your shoes? I would walk away.
I'm a teacher. I love DF with all my heart, but he knows I won't think twice about leaving if BM pulls that crap with me. I'm not risking my career, license or pension for anyone.
All sorts of wrong here. 1)
All sorts of wrong here. 1) You, for leaving a 7yr old unattended 2)DH for being an a$$.
The one I left out of this single incident (no clue about other times) is BM. Not her problem your DH leaves it all up to you and you're dead tired, she has every right to be afraid and upset if she is suppose to get a call and after trying to see if everything is ok (a gazillion missed calls)she freaks out a bit. Suppose someone was watching your child, child didn't call when required and your calls to see if all was ok went unanswered over and over. Are you going to shrug it off with 'oh they likely fell asleep'? At 7yrs old SS is too young to take on the role of being responsible all evening for himself. You admit the incident has never happened in all the four years, it's not unreasonable to think this BM seriously thought something wrong.
I 'get' this isn't your 'job'. I 'get' you're overworked and tired. What I don't 'get' is why you are watching the child while Daddy is totally absent the majority of the visit. And he threatens to leave you if you complain? Well hold that front door wide open for his a$$ to make the exit.
Something has to change. That something is your DH. He either has to adjust the visitation schedule or he has to make arrangements for different work hours/days or find someone else to tend to his child. You need a break and if DH isn't going to be around the child should be with his BM. Why have visitation if Dad isn't going to see the kid? Even if it means Dad has to pay more CS because Dad has the child less time, so be it. Dumping the child on you and putting you in this situation is inappropriate. You can not just 'disengage' from the child if DH is off at work. The kid is seven. He needs a parent and/or adult supervision. The only way to 'disengage' from the child this young while Daddy is off working all evening and night is to stop having the child during these times.
Agreed. My SD7 would likely
Agreed. My SD7 would likely sit in front of a TV and eat some snacks for 3 hours, but no way she'd pick up a phone to call her mom. She would probably answer the phone if it were ringing so excessively though.
Either way, it's irresponsible to fall asleep and leave a child that age unattended. What if he decided to walk outside? Children have drowned and been hit by cars when parents are awake and fully alert, but maybe have their backs turned for 5 minutes. I can't say I'd feel comfortable having a child care provider with a history of doing that type of thing watch my kids/skids.
Going forward, DH needs to be home when skid is there, or he needs to find alternate arrangements.
He went to sleep 30 minutes
He went to sleep 30 minutes after I laid down. I'm not sure why an 8year old would just walk outside when it's dark out. I think that is a little extreme. He told me the next morning he did go to call her but he did not see the phone. I asked him why he did not come get me. He replied I did not want to wake up the baby up.
Also who stated that I have a
Also who stated that I have a history of doing this? She has left him at home by himself unattended many times. What is her consequence? He has been deathly ill with asthma at my MIL home and she refused to bring his breathing treatment equipment. She has dropped him off numerous times extremely ill because she did not want to take him to the doctors and pay a copay. This includes strep throat and infected genital area.. She said ohh well and told my husband to take care of it. He has never left my house ill or mistreated. This is is the third time , I stated I was putting my baby to bed with the intentions of getting up to finish my hw. Do you think that is irresponsible?
Your BM sounds so all kinds
Your BM sounds so all kinds of 'special'. :O What you describe as her 'motherly' ways, is even more reason to stop caring for SS in place of DH. BM is likely to blame you for not getting his breathing treatments, or other such accusations. With DH not around, only one at home with child is you. Don't continue to put yourself in this position and leave yourself wide open.
I put that he was 7 .. I'm
I put that he was 7 .. I'm sorry everyone he is 8.5 when I joined this site he was 7. He was on the iPad playing. I laid down to put my daughter to bed . I nodded off was not intending on going to sleep. I was supposed to wake up and finish my hw. The court order does not state a particular time that he has to call. According to the current court order she is not supposed to be calling me at all. I was just being nice for the sake of my SS.
I would agree that the false
I would agree that the false reports may continue and possibly damage your career or reputation at some point. People that use the authorities to fight their battles are never held accountable for it, and then they learn they can do it all the time and then what would you do? If you have no career, no husband to support you... someday you may be on the street, living like an animal.
I disagree that you were at fault for this, but you do need to do something about it. If Dh wants to leave, then by all means show him the fricking door. You have lost all respect for him because he has shown no respect for you. You are being taken advantage of big time.
BM did this to DH once when
BM did this to DH once when he started enforcing the 'one call per day' part of the CO. We had also just started living together, which she was also pissed about. Two cops showed up at our door for a wellness check. I was pissed! DH explained to the officers about BM telling him she was going to do this every time the kids were here. The cops told him that they would let dispatch know that this is a custody situation with a woman trying to use police to harrass her ex. They also said dispatch would be calling BM back and letting her know that this would not be tolerated and false report charges would be filed if she continued to do this. }:) occasionally the system does work. She hasn't tried it again.
I would tell BM she needs to
I would tell BM she needs to call and cuss DH out because that is the BD, not you. I would tell her she could not have my phone #, & block her from calling & texting my phone. That way if she has problem with your DH dumping the kids on you, & make it stop.
That's what I did with BM. My phone is not an open line for your foolishness. You want to talk to SD? Call DH. He's not home with SD & you have a problem with it? Call your lawyer.
I have no obligation to you. I'm almost like a babysitter for DH, if SD is at the babysitter in our town BM does not have a phone # because she doesn't know how to behave herself. babysitter has DH's # if something goes wrong, & he would alert BM.
I thought about that
I thought about that afterwards. I should have let the officer take him to the station. Or woke him up to speak with the officer. The nice person in me did not want him to be a witness with to that Bullcrap.
I see both sides of this
I see both sides of this one.. I might freak out myself if I was trying to call my kid over and over again and no one picked up the phone. However, if your BM is anything like ours, she took that opportunity to make you look bad and was probably loving it. You do not need to put your good name and your career in jeopardy for them. Tell your DH you are not watching SS anymore. If he won't be home to watch him, let BM keep him or get a babysitter. It is not your responsibility.
BM has said MANY times that she does not want SD left with me. Of course, sometimes things happen and SD needs to stay home with me but 99% of the time DH either takes her with him when he needs to go somewhere or leaves her with his mom. We are married and live together and I am not a criminal or anything like that so I highly doubt the court would see a problem with me watching SD but it's just not my issue and I don't want the drama. I didn't knock her up, DH did- he can deal with her madness.
My DH won't take me not
My DH won't take me not watching him for an answer. He's threatening to leave me because I'm excluding his poor son. I don't care anymore. On top of all this dram,We are currently fighting about my daughters bday . I do not want him to come along. It's not our scheduled time and I don't want crazy ass BM bothering me on her bday. Last year she went out of her way to try and ruin my daughters bday.. That a whole other story. Anywho I'm going to make excuses all the weekends he has to come to my home. I will say have plans out of town. I'm to the point that I don't care if he leaves or not. He's more of a headache than anything.
Do you think a couple of
Do you think a couple of hours warrants a call to the police? Personally I don't. There's has been times she has not called the kid for days because she was out whoring herself around town. She is not a good mother. She knows I do a better job at parenting at it drives her crazy. Instead of changing , she is just out on a mission to get rid of me and make our lives a living hell.
Lots of issues in your
Lots of issues in your post.
1) On the sleeping arrangements
I know it is exhausting but speaking as a parent of 2.5 kids, I NEVER fall asleep before the children do. With my SS it's a different story because he skirts the bedtime rule every night. After 9pm, in my mind, he does not exist. So I will take care of him up until bedtime. After bedtime, unless the house is on fire, or he is puking his guts out like Linda Blair in the Exorcist, I ignore him.
2) On you and your DH
I have a VERY low opinion of anyone who *threatens* their spouses with leaving. It's text book manipulation to get you to come to heel. Hopefully this is just a one-time occurance and you two can talk it out but if he has repeatedly threatened you with leaving, you might want to start thinking of an exit strategy herself.
3) On cops showing up to the house
In my neck of the woods, child Custody is a civil matter, not a criminal one, so cops cannot get involved. So hearing stories like yours surprises me but I suppose it could happen if someone dreamed up some cockamany story about child abuse going on. So if a cop showed up to my door without a warrant I would tell the cop straight out "I am well within my legal rights to slam the door in your face but since I have absolutely nothing to gain or hide, do come in and assess the situation for yourself. Oh, and I would like a copy of the report that you will have to file."