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DH and I are at the end .. Can we be saved?

Hopeless_stepmom's picture

Submitted by Hopeless_stepmom on Sat, 09/21/2013 - 12:04am

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I've been in a relationship with my DH for 4 years now. I feel like we are at that ending point. I do care about his son. He is 8 and very sweet.. The problem is the BM and my in laws. I feel that our daughter and I are the outcasts of the family. The SS gets special treatment because he is the only one in the family with parents that are separated. Boohoo.. I'm the bad person to everyone in the family because I'm "too hard " on SS . Why am I too hard? Because I make him clean up after himself , make him do his hw and make him shower and brush his teeth... I guess I'm the wicked witch of the west for that... Then there is bm... I've been nice to her fought with and after her last stint of having the cops come to my home, I'll never speak to her again. She hates me because SS. Goes home and talks about me. She knows she can get over on DH because he sets no boundaries. I've bitched and screamed, tried ignoring that situation, gone to counseling and have not gotten nowhere. Now. He wants to play Disneyland dad to his son and masses out on everything with our daughter. I'm beyond over it. I want us to be a family but I'm not sure what to do. He's mad because I want to disengage with stepson because of Bm and her fucking craziness. And it infuriates me that he refuses to set the boundaries with her.. I've come up with really great suggestions and he just blows me off.. My question is will DH get used to me disengaging and get over it? Will boundaries ever be set? I feel this is the only way that we can function here. And y is he so damn mad that he has to do things for his own son now?

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Sun, 09/22/2013 - 7:28am

any one of those problems would be enough for me to pack my bags and head to the door. your dh will not change unless you are prepared to leave, and probably not even then. have you tried counseling? I would NOT tolerate my husband not having boundaries with his ex, whether she gave birth to his kids or not. if he wants to keep the lines blurred, he can do that as a single man. the problem isn't your ss, it's your dh. I also could not tolerate our child together getting ss's crumbs. if counseling hasn't helped, it would be ultimatum time in my opinion. then, the ball is in his court. can he live without you and your daughter. I couldn't live with a man that could live without me. he could just do so. good luck hon. you have a long road to haul.

Cat8474's picture

Submitted by Cat8474 on Sun, 09/22/2013 - 9:13am

In my situation the BM of my SD14 is a real big problem too! But I love my husband and will not let this woman get in our way. She is just jealous that they had a kid together and he never married her. He married me because he loves me and I'm not a drama queen like his ex. She is also a gold digger that likes to spend other people's money while she sits on her fat lazy ass. She has tried to cause problems, but I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not letting her ruin my happy marriage. She is a bitter jealous person who no one likes in my town because she is such and drama queen and a trouble maker. She has a bad reputation with a lot of people. She is the only person in my life that I don't get along with. She's always fighting with someone, she's the problem, not me!

My husband had to get a backbone with his ex, he handles the situation a lot better now then he used too. I wouldn't still be here if it was like it used to be. We are happy and not letting that witch interfere! Good luck to you and I hope things get better for you too.