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Sometimes I don't think I can do this

kiwi's picture

Submitted by kiwi on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 5:45pm

The SDs have been with us fulltime for two weeks now and it hasn't been easy. We finally mangaged to get all their toys and clothes from BM's into their room (there was heaps). We are struggling to get veges into them for evening meals. Apparently they never needed to eat them at BM's (she is almost finished a catering course which will qualify her as a chef so if anyone could make veges interesting and yum she should be able to!) When we asked them what they ate for tea at BMs we were told 'Mum just made us toatie pies'. Also they don't know how to shower (they are 5 and 7) so that is a nightly task for me. I feel like all I am doing is picking up the pieces from BM's bad parenting and I often feel taken for granted. Everyone is saying how hard the change of custody is on the girls (which it is) but it is also hard on me. I have suddenly gone from a mother of one to a 'mother' of three and its not easy. I am supposed to be overjoyed cause we have rescued them from a negative situation but to be honest I don't always feel like that. They are missing BM at the moment and wanting reassurance so are quite smothering towards me and their 9month brother (my and DH's BS)and at times I feel like telling them to just go away and leave us alone (I don't). At least they go to school so we get a bit of time just us. Oh well, its my bed and I guess I'll lie in it even though its not always comfortable.

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southernshellgirl's picture

Submitted by southernshellgirl on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 7:17pm

I know that feeling of being overwhelmed and thinking "what have I gotten myeslf into?"

Had exactly the same feeling when BM and her mom got into a fist fight and SD first came to live with us full time in 2007. I can understand your frustration, those girls were not given the basic, necessary instructions you know they should have had.

you've taken on a lot, and you obviously see the good in it, but it's okay to not be overjoyed about it all the time too.

like you said, you went from mother of one to mother of three, and without the 9mo pregnancy to think it over and prepare!

just know it won't be long before you and the Sd's get to an understanding of what eachother need, and the best way to get there. You are doing a great job and it's going to pay off.

Also, try to communicate to DH how you're feeling and what you need from him to help you. It's easy for us to take on so much, and most of the time necessary, but don't ignore your feelings or be afraid to ask for help or some time for yourself.

My DH is wonderful, but I do have to remember to ask him for help sometimes.

Have you ever heard that saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Take care of yourself.

"It could be better... or it could be worse. For now, it just is..."

-Colorado Girl-

kiwi's picture

Submitted by kiwi on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 8:07pm

Thanks for the encouragement. In my head I know that it will be okay and that it is the best for the girls and that they aren't that bad. Its just the emotions and feelings that take over sometimes. Haven't talked to DH about it all yet but think I should. Its just that they are his daughters and he is quite protective of their feelings especially at the moment. Vickmeister - whoops spelling mistake should be toastie pie (two pieces of bread with a filling that is all toasted together)

Sia's picture

Submitted by Sia on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 11:32am

understand your feelings. When we got full custody of SDs, my youngest was only 18mos. I really enjoyed the time I had with my boys and wasnt too happy with the extra interfereance. I just had to realize that I was doing what was best for them and it gave me more hope to get to the next day. Everyday I would do that, just to get to the next day.

Take it one day at a time and get the book "Stepmonster"! HUGS to you!