BM making life miserable---need help
Hi,
This is my first post so I feel bad for asking for help so quick, but boy do I need it!
My DH and the BM had two children together. Everyone always notes how, as soon as she had a daughter, she forgot about her son.
My DH and the BM have joint custoday. We should get BOTH of the kids every other weekend, rotating holidays, ect. My DH pays over 900 dollars a month in child support, yet we still buy the children school clothes and items because she doesn't want to.
There are so many things that are just killing us:
-The hardest thing is that she calls anytime she wants, yells and swears at us (in front of the children). We've tried to talk calmly to her and ask her why she's so upset and what we can do to support her, because we don't want to act the way she does (expecially in front of the children) but she doesn't have a reason except that she feels that my DH doesn't act like a father to his son. My DH is a very caring father, with rules, and my Step son is wonderful and follows the rules.
-She wants my DH to pay to have his Daughter adopted by her new husband.
-She wont let us see his daughter at all. When we do see the daughter, while picking up my SS12, she is not allowed to talk to us and is punished for doing so. It hurts my DH so much.
-She sends us nasty emails asking for more money.
-She locks my SS12 in his room, without food for 6+ hrs, for having a good time at our house. Anything he does is wrong. She lets his younger sister slap him repeatedly and he's disciplined for it.
All I can do is be nice, not swear back, and try and keep cool, but its so hard. I feel so helpless to help my DH and SS12...it all seems like a lost cause and we're doomed to live like this until he's my SS18.
HELP!!!!
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Comments
Okay, take her to court.
She locks your SS in his room for 6+hours for having a good time at your house and denies him basic needs? Court is your only answer.
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Call DFS
Why can't you see the daughter? Doesn't your DH have visitation? No you don't have to live like this. If he pays child support I am assuming there is a court order to do so, is there also one for visitation. Poor kid, I would call DFS on her that sounds like an abusive household for a child to be in. I think it's not really a choice, no child should live like that.
Thanks
Yes, we are supposed to have the exact same visitation. It all seems like a huge power play.
I think you're right; I should call DFS!
THis is contempt of court
if to the extreme. If you can't afford an attorney file yourself. you can go down to the courthouse and they will show you how.
Contempt of court
Thanks! I didn't know that!
Sounds Familiar
Check the laws in your state, but I believe in AZ, when a child reaches 12, the child can decide who they want to live with. We are going through very similar issues with my husbands ex. She also punishes his girls for things they do at our house. The two younger girls are growing tired of their mom's rantings and are wanting more time with dad. Give it time, but eventually kids can see the truth of the matter.
As a stepmom, I found that keeping myself removed from any encounters from the ex has great benefits, not only for me, but for the kids as well. BM use to lash out at me when I was in earshot,and I would remain neutral. The kids would get very upset but she wouldn't stop. So, being the adult, I thought of the kids and removed myself from these situations.
As for talking with the ex, my DH has tried to have rational conversations with her about the kids but she screams and swears (in front of the kids) and continues to turn the conversation into a blame game. So another suggestion would be to record any and all conversations he has with her. During a phone conversation, only one party has to be aware it is being recorded. In person, both parties have to know. When my DH told the ex that he is recording every conversation, things calmed down a lot. He has even used the recordings in court, which has helped as well.
Good Luck!!
Thanks!!!
Wow, I was totally unaware of that! I will totally start recording these. Does anyone have an idea for a good way to record cell phone calls? What equipment to buy?
I think you are right; I need to remove myself from these situations for my sake and my SS's.
Child Services - Now!!!
She sounds like she is a wack job extrordinaire. She has no right to deny your husband of visitation. You guys have to file a contempt report.
As for the son being locked in his room, that is sick.
If you all have the money I would get an attorney - yesterday. These are issues she might lose custody of both of them over. Judges do not look kindly on parents that with hold visitation, nevermind abuse. Your step kids dont' deserve to live this way.
I really hope you all save the emails/messages she leaves. This will help you immensly.
Let us know how things go. Good luck.
RE Child Services - Now!!!
Thanks! We definitely save the emails and I guess we should start recording calls and meetings too!
Hate to say it, but I wonder
Hate to say it, but I wonder if the daughter is even your husband's? Maybe if she told you it wasn't his, you'd take her to court for all the money you have already spent on her...Just a thought...because it does sound VERY odd that she only wants her new husband to adopt her daughter and doesn't let you see only the daughter...something is fishy there...sorry, but I think you guys need to check into this more...
hum.....
Herewegoagain may have a point. Why does she withhold visits for only one child and not the other.
Might be worth checking into.
RE: Hate to say it, but I wonder
She looks a lot like DH's late mother, but it still could be a possibility (she was seeing other men at the time--which is why the marriage ended...DH thought about getting the baby paternity tested at the time).