New & need help!!
I am new to this whole thing. Blogs, step parenting, marriage, everything!
But it has gotten to the point, that I have decided I need to find someone like me, to vent, and hopefully get some answers to my questions/problems.
Basically-I have been married for almost a year to my husband, who has custody of his 5 year old daughter. We met when she was 3, and she had no idea who her bio mom was. She had left them when she was 6 months old. She moved out of state, re-married, had another child. When my daughter(step)I HATE calling her that... turned 4, she moved back to the same state we live in, and decided she needed to be apart of her life. I, being the only mom she ever knew, had issues with this, and I still am. She gets upset when she isn't called mom, she calls and bugs my husband constantly about seeing her, or just about her own life problems. She is now on her second husband(She was never married to mine) and has her 3rd child with the 3rd father. I would think she'd just let it go, but she doesn't. It is causing a lot of stress, and issues in my marriage, and I don't know what to do, or how to deal with it. My husband tells me I just need to grow up. Apparently being 22 is too young to be a stepmom.
I can go on forever about this, but this is the basics. Anyone have any sugg??
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As unstable in life as
As unstable in life as bio-mom sounds...unfortunalety for you , she has rights. It's so hard to watch someone like that disrupt your loved ones (BF & Daughter)lives. I understand how you feel, it makes perfect sense..and it don't think it has anything to do with "growing up" Guys just don't get "emotions" sometimes!!!
Does your BF have a court order regarding child support, visitation etc? If the visits are scheduled then that should reduce the number of phone calls and un-necessary contact between them. Things can be more structured and business-like and less informal and chummy. What do you think? If you read many of the postings on this site....you'll see that alot of the time the guys don't alway "get-it" right away. There will be lots of arguments & stress at times. Your "daughter" will be worth it..
No court orders
When Biomom didn't show up for the final custody hearing, my husband got custody, and didn't even want child support, all he cared about was getting his daughter. The $50 a month the state requires has never been paid by bio-mom. She keeps telling my husband she is going to start paying $200 a month until she is caught up. Yet, that hasn't happened either. Of course, she hasn't worked for the past 6 years, she is living off her boyfriend, and her ex-husband's child support for their child. He also thought it would be better if visitation was left up to him, like the court decided, instead of going back to court. Which is nice for holidays, etc. but I hate the days she calls up, and it seems my husband will drop everything and just let her have her like that. She is now going to court still for custody of one of her other children, and she wants my husband to go and basically say yes, she is a fit mother and should have custody. He says he should do it, because it is our daughter's little sister, and as mean as it may sound, I still don't think he should be getting involved. I love him and my SD more than anything, but sometimes I have to wonder if it will all be worth it, even though I'm sure it will be...
These boys are my sons
I know what you mean, I too hate that step thing. I only refer to my sons as SS for identification here on this site & for strict government or legal form. I never introduce them as my husbands children or my step-children. I've been around for over 13 years, the boys were 5 & 3 when I met my husband. I am in all ways but one their Mom.
I don't think its a good idea.
I think for him to swear under oath what a great mother she is...it will come back to bite him!! Out of curiousity, How sneaky/manipulative a person is she? Transcipts of him convincing a judge why she is the best parent to raise her children can and most likely will be used against him at some point!!! Maybe you can convince the bio-Dad to help foster a relationship between the sisters?
My Bf's x is very sneaky, manipulative don't give her any ammunition that she can use against you in the future. Many of us here, are or have dealt with courts, divorce, etc....it can get messy, at any point..even when you try not to let it.
It's been 5 yrs since my x & I broke up...we do not have any court orders...but we've tried to be civilized and have a verbal agreement on visitation & child support. And we (I at least) try to stick to it. It provides some kind of order to everyones life. The kids know who they're with, when, we know when we can plan things for just us or family things. It's easier than just being random. It's every second weekend, a weeknight evening visit and split vacation time.
Would an informal or verbal schedule help you guys? I can see her going to court for visitation rights at some point....Tell your BF DO NOT testify on her behalf, EVER!! The outcome of this custody battle could have direct bearing on you ....if she ever decided to go for custody in your case.