Letting our spouses take us for granted.

We teach them that it is okay to expect that we do much for them without as much as a thank you.

I no longer do things for others with an expectation of gratitude. If I feel appreciated or fullfillment for doing such things, maybe I will help again... if not, then I set the tone that it is not acceptable that I be asked in the future.

You have the power to fix this. Only you.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

only you have the power to control how others in your life treat you! Often sm's are taken for granted because there is so much drama created by us being in the picture (thanks to the bm) that our efforts go un noticed and un appreciated. I think that most people and the dh are so tired of dealing with bs from the bm, and defending us they feel thats their way of appreciating us, by sticking up for us or putting up with the drama created by us being in the picture (even though we arent causing it)

For me this isnt an issue. fh tells me (and shows me) every day several times a day all of these things you are looking to your h to tell you. However, at one point my fh didnt back me up when his mother first started showing her true colors. We fought constantly! He just didnt want to hear it, and i felt very resentful! How is it that i do everything for you, yet you are being blind to the fact that your mother is an absolute nut! in a way it made me feel that i was not appreciated, even though he told me i was, because if i am so important, why can this nut case treat me this way, mother or not. I withdrew from everything. I stopped cleaning as much, didnt plan ahead for dinner, and was not affectionate with him. It took one week, and he realized, exactly how much i did and realized he didnt want me going any where, and as my fh it was his job to protect me from toxic people who were hurtful to me!

for me to handle the same situation, was every weekend we had the kids, I would tell him that they were his kids and he needs to take care of them. I was sick of having to cook all the meals, get up to make them breakfast while he slept in, get up in the middle of the night when they were crying, give them baths, get them dressed, and the list goes on. It finally came to a halt on morning at 8am when my BF starting yelling at me for not having the dishes done already. I snapped and told him to get off his ass and take care of his own kids, and the messes they created on the weekends. I was not their maid and was no longer going to do anything for them at all. So after that whenever the kids would come ask me for something the response was always go ask your dad, it got to the point he would ask for help and I would remind him that if I was not around he would have to do it alone anyways so there for he needed to learn how to do it alone. Sadly the key thing is to stick with it. It has gotten much better for me, now I don't mind helping him with them again, it just drove me nuts that I had to do all the things to take care of them while he just sat around and played with them, kinda was not fair.

I hope it gets better for you, because I know how it feels to not even get a thank you. Though the BM would tell me thank you for watching them when she was sick, or when I had to take the youngest to the Dr. when they were with us she told me thank you, however my BF was a putz about stuff like that until I snapped. Sometimes it takes that

he likes---because after you sulk, you go right back to doing everything again. He knows you're taking a breather. You feel hurt, but you get over it.

Many men don't like to talk about things that involve any friction whatsoever. So, you don't talk either----just do what you need to do for yourself so you are not a doormat. Don't announce it either. You want a please and thank you. You ask for it-----every time. That is just for starters. Don't let him walk on you----

How do I handle it? I handled it the same way from the time we started dating. I told him that I wasn't the boy's mom---he has a mom and that I just didn't want to involve myself with a child--I was donnnnnnnnnnnnnnne. Nothing personal with man/child. Just my preference to not parent another child. He respected and accepted that---this is all before we married. So, he was already used to it.