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now I feel bad...continued from my rant

non_mom23's picture

Submitted by non_mom23 on Fri, 04/03/2009 - 11:56am

So I said earlier that I was really sick of the sight of my SD8. She lives with us FT and the socio completely screws her up after a night with her. Anyway this contributes to my anxiety and loathfulness toward her. Lately it's been bad, I just want to move away.
Anyway, this morning she was being ridiculous when getting ready for school and got toothpaste all over the floor. She made a comment and I walked away mumbling that I hate my life. Well apparently she overheard me, I swear it was quiet, and she then said you probably don't even want me here. You probably just want to live with my dad and you'd be happier. She read my mind at that point in time, I don't normally feel this much resentment but this week yes. Well you know what, I can totally feel her hatred sometimes and attitude, I know it's never going to be harmonious when she's involved with the socio!! So I feel like crap and have to explain later how much stress I'm under and how much anxiety I feel when when she goes to the socio's. Oh man I feel like crap!!!!!! But I still have these feelings sometimes...

Comments

namaste123's picture

Submitted by namaste123 on Fri, 04/03/2009 - 12:45pm

For me though, I do get frustrated with FSSS, but what i've come to realize what my I'm really getting frustrated at is BM and BF. Kids are that, just kids. They are like clay and can be molded.

kaffonseca's picture

Submitted by kaffonseca on Fri, 04/03/2009 - 1:34pm

I posted a blog yesterday about my FH's "baby"..when I got home he ran to me yelling "chelle,chelle" and I felt SOOO bad..I truly don't dislike this child..I dislike his mother and he can be annoying but that is because of the way his mother raises him..which I have to respect for now I guess. He is only two I remind myself.

I'ts normal to feel how you feel and it's completely ok to feel bad after too.

non_mom23's picture

Submitted by non_mom23 on Fri, 04/03/2009 - 2:30pm

SD8 said awhile back she met with a law guardian, w/o my H knowing, who has full custody, and told him that she wanted to live with her mother full time. This is pushing me over the edge...I need way more meds than I'm already on, how can I let this whole thing not control and ruin my life?????????

kaffonseca's picture

Submitted by kaffonseca on Fri, 04/03/2009 - 3:19pm

How did SD8 get to meet with a law guardian? who brought her. Have you tried maybe you and SD8 to get counseling together? just you two.

non_mom23's picture

Submitted by non_mom23 on Fri, 04/03/2009 - 4:00pm

the socio brought SD8 to the law guardian when she was visiting with her own lawyer. I can't believe this is happening. Our lives were so great together when the socio wasn't around...everything has changed and seriously I'm losing my sh*t.!!