Four options
When I first got divorced, I was a 40 something woman, but very naive in the step dating world. I have come to realize that I had four options, none of them very good.
1. Stay single. This option applies if you like it your way most of the time and you feel too old to compromise. I have to admit that I still fantasize about this option!
2. Date a never been married guy. While on paper this may look good, the fact he never had kids or a spouse is a bad sign. He might be a narcissist. I once dated one of these and every room in his house was devoted to just him.
3. Date a widower. If you do make sure he has no children! These were the guys on the Internet dating sites with pics of them and there spouses. I shuddered! My dh's ex is a bitch...imagine competing against a saint!
4. Date a divorced guy. Again preferably no kids! This last option is if you like drama, love to compromise and can be flexible. You must have great confidence and self esteem as welll.
I've done the internet dating
I've done the internet dating and was pretty surprized how many single men were out there in their 40s and 50s who had never been married or didn't have children. Granted, there were plenty of men that also had kids, but most often men by this age have kids that are grown and out the house already. While there still can be problems with grown step kids, the chances of having to live with them are greatly reduced.
The man I am with now is 43, never been married, no kids. He has had two long term relationships, both lasted about five years, and actually lived with one of those ladies. He has a good job, good credit, no serious issues.
It IS possible to find a man with no kids that is not some kind of weirdo. I think the thing is to focus on yourself, both inside and out, so you can attract the right kind of man. Not trying to toot my own horn, but I'm 36, fairly attractive, 5'4" 115lbs, have a decent job, my kids are well behaved, and I cook and clean. I made sure I did not let myself go so that when the right man came along, I caught his attention.
My boyfriend says so many women his age let themselves go, so he usually was attracted to younger women, but when he saw me he said he just had to meet me. We've been dating almost a year now and are planning on moving in together.
I guess that depends on what
I guess that depends on what you consider committing.
A person does not have to be married to be committed to someone, and my BF has had two long term relationships where he was faithful.
Heck a person could be married, that's no guarantee he won't cheat on you.
?? I didn't mean to imply
?? I didn't mean to imply other women had to weigh that much, just trying to give a little bit of a description of myself.
Oh okay! LOL.
Oh okay! LOL.
I was widowed when I was 36.
I was widowed when I was 36. And on top of that, I had a 5 year old and a 3 year old. I actually had someone tell me I'd be a tough package to sell since I was "that old" with such young kids.
I too went thru the quandry of dating/not dating; the type of guy to date, etc.
I dated a single guy with no kids... so I thought. Until I found out (because he was acting hinkey) that he was actually married with 4 stepkids. Made me ill to think that I had become a person I despised most in life -- someone who would date a married man (based on prior experience because DH#1 cheated on me).
I dated a another single guy with no kids... he really was single. He dumped me because he'd get disgusted when I couldn't just "pick up and go" because I had a responsibility to my children.
I dated a divorced guy, whom I later married. He had been divorced for 7 years when I met him, and had only been in one other serious relationship between the divorce and me. He was always pretty vague about why the serious relationship ended, but after we married he confessed it was because she was "hated out" by his kids and his ex-wife.
I just wish I would have known that little nugget of information before the "I do" -- not that I didn't have an inkling about it but I had this polly-anna attitude that with time we would all get along famously. No such luck.
Some days, I think I probably should have remained single.
I think the problem everyone
I think the problem everyone is missing is not that you can't date/marry a man with kids.
The catch is to date/marry a man who is not afraid to PARENT his kids and stand up to his BM.
Just because he has kids does not mean you shouldn't date him. The fact that he does not parent his kids is what makes him undateable.
Bravo, amber! I am with you a
Bravo, amber! I am with you a 100%! The problem is, some things take time to develop. My skids were late teens/young adults when we met. They seemed to get along with DH and with me just fine. It took a few years for conflicts to emerge and for his weak parenting skills to become obvious. While everything was easy breezy and everyone was more or less on the same page - or at least in the same book, things were ok. Now skids and us are not even in the same library
Now his lack of a backbone and on top of that a lack of a clear understanding of his mission ( which is NOT to make every skid happy ALL of the TIME) is painfully obvious.
I love him though. And i hope we can get through the rough times with skids.
The 2010 Census in the U.S.
The 2010 Census in the U.S. showed over 50% of households were single people homes.
I can't believe I dated SO
I can't believe I dated SO because he was a parent like me!I thought that would be a bonus, hahaha.NOT.