So, this is an update on the last post I made because there have been some significant changes...I'll repeat what I said previously and then state the new wrinkle below...let me know what you think?

I'm having some issues with my current relationship and would like some advice. We've been together just about a year now, and have three kids between us (he has a boy and girl, ages 8 and 6) and I have a 9 year old son. We're 41 & 42 yrs old, he divorced four years and me 2.

We made a mistake in moving in together after only dating about two months. We knew we rushed into things but it felt so right we thought the 'rules' didn't apply to us. My BF was the one primarily responsible for rushing things and moving in with me so quickly, however, I certainly didn't turn him down so I'm every bit as much to blame! I did, though, caution my BF every step of the way & ask him to make sure of the impulsive decisions he was making, and he'd take a day or so to think on it and then decide. For the first four months it went well. All our kids got along with each other and with us. Of course there were some boys vs. girl arguements but no big deal. He only has his kids every other weekend so it wasn't too bad (I have primary of my son so he's here all but every other weekend). About three months ago, things started to very slowly go down hill.

When things started getting a little rough, I took it in stride. I'd expected some issues as a result of 'blending' families and us moving so quickly, but I figured we could certainly resolve and/or fix any issues that arose. I'm more of a communicator, but I started to find that when I voiced concerns to my BF sometimes, he considered it "fighting". We both agreed that after fighting so much in our marriages neither wanted to do it anymore. To me fighting is screaming and yelling at one another, etc. We weren't doing that. We were discussing, calmly and quietly, problems and I was trying to find solutions to them. Don't get me wrong, we weren't constantly negotiating problems. Maybe two or three times over a four month period. The rest of the time things were pretty good. Over this time, though, my BF started to become more and more distant and withdrawn. The more distant he became the more I pressured and pushed him to get closer...big mistake.

All this resulted in our first real fight that made him decide to move out at the beginning of April. The first weekend in April we had a fantastic weekend together - really great. We both agreed how wonderful it was and confirmed how much we loved each other. After my BF being distant for a while, that weekend showed me he was over it and we re-connected and were back on track in my mind. Then the following 'kid weekend' is when things went haywire. I'll admit I was in a bad mood - PMS all week and worried - I had a gut feeling something bad was going to happen and I was right (maybe I caused it to happen - self fulfilling prophecy - by fearing it so much and reacting to that fear, who knows). We had a fight that Friday night because my BF said that my son tells me what to do too much, controls me and that my BF didn't like my relationship with my ex-husband (too close). The end result was him saying he thought he needed to get his own place & going to bed.

The next day my BF took his kids to his brother's house to house sit. I was to meet him there with my son later in the day. That never happened because we had a two hour phone conversation that ended in a break up. I told my BF how I felt he was being a bit selfish in the relationship and that I felt he didn't care about me. My BF screamed at me, something he has NEVER done and hung up on me. That caused me to fly off the handle and leave him a few nasty messages and that was it. Then I didn't hear from my BF for an entire week - which was terrible. I was devastated, heart broken, a mess. Then a week later I (not coincidentally) ran into him at a club we both frequent. Since then we've been back together, but it's not the same.

My BF decided that he needed to take a step back, that we rushed (annoying since HE initiated ALL the rush), and he wanted to slow things down, not live together and date (but not date anyone else). I wasn't sure I could do it after living with him nearly 7 months but thought about it and decided to try it. It's been hard for me. He comes here and spends the night usually once per week and spends the weekends with me - he even brings the kids over to spend at least part of the weekend, including overnights, most weekends. My BF, though, is still a bit reserved. He's affectionate and all but it feels to me, maybe I'm imagining it, like he has one foot out the door and one in. It might just be my fear that he'll leave me again making me feel this way, though. A part of me thinks that he's just trying to do exactly what he said and slow it down a bit, but that isn't working so well for me.

Now here's the weird part... Before my BF moved out we had decided that we would move out of my place and get a place together because my BF said he didn't feel comfortable in MY house and didn't like the town I lived in. With this in mind, I told my land lady I was leaving. Then all this happened and my land lady already has this place rented so now I'm forced to move, even though my BF isn't moving with me. Don't get me wrong, I want to move - I'm sick of this tiny town too - but I'd budgeted and planned to move with him. On top of that his unexpected departure also put me behind because I budgeted him paying his usual half the rent. My BF, knows all this as I've subtly hinted to it, but seems to show little to no remorse. Not that I've asked him to but it's strange to me. I'd feel guilty and he very well may, but may not be saying anything - he's kind of a quiet guy. On top of this my BF also has to find a place to live. He is temporarily living with family members.

Last weekend I showed him a place I'm trying to rent. It's perfect for us, in the town his kids live in, nice place. I didn't mention him moving in with me, just that I wanted to rent the place. He never said a word, really. He mentioned something about places he's looked at and that made me sad. I really want to ask him to move with me and try again, but I'm afraid to. Practically, it makes sense - we both need to find a place and neither can afford a big enough place for our kids alone, but together we could get something nice with enough room for all our kids. I'm not thinking of it, only from practicality sake, though. I realize where we went wrong and I think if we were to try again, after being together nearly a year and spending a couple months living apart and 'dating', that we could really be happy. First off, we'd be in a place that belonged to BOTH of us so he'd feel comfortable. Secondly, the place would be in an area that we both like better too.

As far as the relationship and us living together goes, I know that before I smothered and pressured him. I got too caught up in the relationship and lost track of myself and stopped being me. My BF had no time to himself, no time alone in the house, and I was pressuring him all the time about being distant. I know now that I'd HAVE to give him his space & more time alone with his children. He also knows and has been much better at communicating his wants/needs with me. Before he'd not say anything at all & just be annoyed. I've worked things out with my ex-husband too so that shouldn't be a problem for us anymore either. As far as my son goes, once I told my BF how he sobbed when he found out my BF moved out & how much he missed him, my BF said he's started to see my son in a whole new light and it shows. We've had a few kid weekends since he moved out and we've both agreed they have been very pleasant. I guess my fear is that he's attributing all of this to our not physically living together. To me, it's not that, but just that we've figured out and fixed the problem.

For me, it's odd, fake, weird, and hard to be 'dating' him & seeing him only a few times per week after living together. I also feel like it's only him that took a step back because when he comes here & spends the night, it's just like when he lived here - he makes himself at home etc. I don't want to lay an ultimatum on him (I'm not like that) but I feel like if he can't commit to try living together again then we really just need to date, which in my mind means he takes me out, brings me home, we kiss at the door and that's it. No sex, no overnights, etc. I really want him to move with me. What do you all think? Should I even bring the issue up? Should I stay in the relationship? Need some unbiased advice or experienced advice from someone who's had a similar issue...thanks!!!

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New Development:

I was looking for a rental and found one. The thing is that it is a shared rental. I'd be sharing a house with someone. I've been thinking about doing this because I really don't like living alone as a single mom, to be honest, and because it would be much more affordable for me, especially in the area I want to live, which is a bit pricey. I realize this is a bit of a risky move, but I think it might be for the best.

The main issue here is that the person I'd be sharing the home with is a younger, not much, but younger man. I have no problem with that and I've room mated with men and women before platonically and successfully. I had a room mate in the rental I'm in now just before my BF and I met. Obviously, safety with my son and all is the first issue and that will be carefully considered and addressed (full background check the whole nine yards). However, my BF does tend to be a bit of the jealous and possessive type. I don't think my sharing a house with another man, even if it is totally platonic will sit well with him. In all fairness, if the tables were turned, I don't think I'd be too happy either, I must admit.

The thing is, that I'm not finding anything in my price range that I can afford by myself and I have to move soon so I may not have any other option! Especially since my BF left so unexpectedly & financially I'm not prepared to do first, last security alone. I know my BF will, at minimum, NOT like the situation. I fear that he may even end the relationship on account of it. On the one hand, as we are a couple, I feel I owe it to him to discuss it with him and get his opinion on it, but on the other, I'm also afraid that if I tell him about possibly doing this shared living arrangement that he'll see it as me trying to manipulate him into living with me or giving him an ultimatum, which is NOT my intention at all. None the less, it has crossed my mind that if my BF is faced with the thought of me living with another man because I can't afford anything else or us living together, he might just chose to try living together again. I wouldn't be happy, though, or feel right if he ended up moving with me just to prevent me from sharing a house platonically with a male room mate. I'd only want him to live with me if he truly wanted to, and I'd never try to manipulate or force the issue.

What do you think? Should I tell my BF that I'm considering this shared rental situation, at least for a while until I get back on my feet and can afford a place on my own? Or should I make the decision whether to do the shared rental or not on my own, not consult him, and then just do what I feel is right for my son and I and then deal with whatever the consequences or his feelings on the matter might be after the fact? I kind of feel as though I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't on this one.