Ex wants to relocate w/kids out of state for work what can we do?
My SO's ex-wife says she needs to relocate for her job. She'd be moving out of state about a 24 hour drive away with his kids who are 5 & 9. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time this has happened. The kids have been moved around in and out of state about 5 times since their divorce about 4 years ago. The kids have been in the same state as their father for under a year now and it's been great - he has them every other weekend and more when he can. They are very attached to one another - he is a fantastic father and always pays his support on time too. The kids obviously adore their Dad and this move will hurt all of them. I'm simply heartbroken over it myself and they aren't even my kids so I can only imagine how my SO feels. When the children were out of state before he really only got to see them on summer vaca and the rest of the year if he did see them he'd have to drive all weekend to see them briefly and then drive back for work.
I think this move will be detrimental to the kids and it will seriously impact my SO's ability to spend quality and quantity time with his kids. While I do understand his ex needing to move for a job, in my opinion, no job would be worth taking my kid away from his father. These kids have already been moved around way too much and now that they are at school age it's not good. Also one of the children is having a very hard time in school and has learning disabilities. The school is working hard to help him and now all that will be lost in a new school so far away. My SO has also been able to go to all doctor appointments and teacher conferences which he now will not.
I'm just wondering how others might have handled this situation? I'd hate to see them get into a big legal battle because they do have a pretty good co-parenting relationship right now, but it seems inevitable that my SO has to get something legally done to prevent her from constantly moving these children all the time. He might consider moving to where the ex is going to be near his kids (relocating himself) but even if he does there's nothing to prevent her from up and moving again in six months. He certainly can't have a life following his kids around from state to state all the time!
That's what I fear, Echo. I
That's what I fear, Echo. I know how the courts are sided towards the "baby momma". Don't get me wrong, I've never had anything against the woman - been pretty indifferent about her, honestly. I'm not your typical drama over the ex girl and my SO isn't like that either. We keep everything as amicable and peaceful as possible with both our ex's. I don't think the ex is intentionally wanting to take the kids from him and I think she feels really bad doing it, but said she tried to find another job but couldn't. If this were the first and only time she moved it would be one thing, but this is like the 5th time. Those poor kids finally started to get some traction and roots and routine here and she's off again?
My SO has to pick the kids up tomorrow and I guess they are going to discuss it further. I hope something can be done. I can tell my SO is livid and heart broken, even though he doesn't say too much because he's more of a quiet guy. I just know that if he's reduced to only seeing his kids on summer vaca and once in a while like before it will destroy him. He's such a good father. I'm so afraid that this will just kill him, and I guess that's where I feel that although I used to be indifferent about his ex, I'm now getting angry. I'm sorry I wouldn't do that to my ex husband. No way I'd take our son that far away from him.
BM blames DH for the
BM blames DH for the transportation costs involved in visitation (Why? He pays for everything except extra baggage and unaccompanied minor fee one way, and the fee is done with now!) because "You're the one who moved to NC!"
Right, BM. And you're the one who ran home to Louisiana from New York (first divorce) and Georgia. (second divorce) So there would be transportation costs even if he were a plain joe who wasn't in the military! Unless he followed you, but that's what you'd like, isn't it?
BM also moved SD around a lot in the early years. She has moved twice in the last five years - DH and I have stayed in the same house in the same time period. Even if DH had tried to stop her, the courts would have done nothing, because the baby mama is NEVER wrong.
Sorry you're having to deal with this.
From the opposite point of
From the opposite point of view, I am a soon to be Step Dad. The biological parents of the skids are within several miles of each other for the entirety of the skids lives (now 9 and 12). The distance when they move in with me, although same state, will be about 100-150 miles. CO is visitation every other weekend and holidays, maybe some summer vacation and such.
What bothers me is having to pick up the gas tab when BF is notoriously late and short on CS and spent the past 12 years half-assing it at best as a father. He missed so many events due to "work", several times DW caught him lying about this. He can't make CS payments, but he has a brand new Truck (um... what about the 20K in arrears?). The 12 yo has caught on, but the SD is still thinking bio-father can walk on water. Anyway, since our engagement and the impending move, bio-father suddenly crawls more into the picture to be the hero dad and his parents seem to be planting evil seeds of how awful the city life is. It's sad really.
More than this, I have a very international job. I have now turned down an opportunity to have a job that could make me 30-50K more because i know the family cannot up and move to the developing world in Central Asia. I want to live abroad with my family, and given the opportunity I know that life overseas is an amazing laboratory for the mind, body and soul - kids and adults alike. The experiences I could bring to them would be incredible, and not to mention beef up their resumes when college hunting in a few years. Expose them to cultures and learn new languages, arts from around the world, etc. A lot of pluses, but I am afraid that I will now be stuck either living away from my wife and kid because the skids cannot leave the state, much less the country. It leaves me incredibly frustrated, especially when I am the one paying the mortgage, the bills, etc. I have the excellent credit, and I'm earning retirement. All her money is gone before it's made and the CS hardly helps.
But he has "fatherly" rights I guess. Bullshit if you ask me.
Sorry to you all who are great fathers and have no access to your children - that is tragic indeed. But it's the assholes like my wife's ex that create the system that allows the mother to have so many rights I think. And even then, we feel shackled by the rights of the biological father. No one wins.