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Finally got info on SS7 and I finally snapped

pixiedust10's picture

Submitted by pixiedust10 on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 9:24am

We finally got an update about SS7. He's not in a regular foster home anymore. He's now at a residential behavioral facility that I checked out online and had heard of before. I don't know how I feel about this.

•Hard-to-help, hard-to-place children; children who have failed at numerous other programs
•Children with emotional and behavioral problems plus co-occurring medical issues
•Children who have severe acting out behaviors
•Boys and girls, ages 7-18
•Children with Verbal IQ 50 and above
•Children with problem sexual behaviors
•Emotionally-disturbed children with developmental disabilities or delays

He's 7, I'm sure he's scared to death, but at the same time, he's GOT to figure out a way to get by with people other than FDH. FDH can't be with him 24/7 in life, and I pray that if/when we get skids that FDH's influence daily will be enough to help him. I'm just heartbroken. But I'm relieved we at least know SOMETHING. FDH has visitation breakfast with SS10 tomorrow, should be able to talk to SS7 tonight on the phone, and hopefully will have visitation with him this weekend in person at some point (and praying dfcs will limit BM like they said they would because he was doing okay until he visited with her).

I finally snapped yesterday. I'm PMSing, was having a REALLY bad day at work, didn't sleep well, and FDH and I were joking about being each other's sugars and then I made a comment that BM always had him as her sugar already, etc...and it just went from there. All of it just came spewing out about how I hate her and I hate what this has done financially and we had plans and I've had to take on so much more than we ever talked about and I love him but it's making me crazy that we can barely get by because she chooses to be a lazy bottom feeder and bleeds him dry which bleeds me dry and we will never be rid of her and be in court forever, etc...And of course he's furious with me now because I "attacked" him...It was a VENT, I didn't say anything about anything he's done wrong. So now I get to be the bad guy...

Comments

pixiedust10's picture

Submitted by pixiedust10 on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 9:44am

I do, I really do, but he doesn't say he's sorry, it's one of those unspokens, where I should already know he wishes this wasn't happening to us. Which I do, sometimes verbal reassurance would help though. I didn't sleep at all last night, I would cry for a little while, then try to watch TV, then try to shut it off and relax, then cry some more, it's like I forgot my speech to myself about being strong and knowing it will work itself out.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 9:52am

Awe Pix. I hate this for you. Everyone has their breaking point. You are in a terrible situation and it is completely understandable that you snapped.

My DH is the same way about apologies. He HATES to say that he is sorry. I should just "know" apparently, when he understands that he was wrong. Usually when it gets to that point, that I really KNOW that he is sorry but he hasn't said it, I just go cuddle with him. Having his arm around me is his apology.

I am so sorry this doesn't seem to be getting any better yet. I will keep you in my prayers.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 9:55am

I'm sorry sweetie. I hope things get better for you soon. That's a whole lot of drama and bullshit to deal with. Hang in there girl! Sad

pixiedust10's picture

Submitted by pixiedust10 on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 9:57am

What is with men and "I'm sorry?" I mean...LOL I think that is THE number one complaint me and a lot of my married friends have about our men! Why is it so hard to say?

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 10:04am

Because it is an admission of their fault. Men don't like to admit when they are wrong!

A few days ago DH and I were disagreeing about something. We were not by ANY means fighting or argueing. We were disagreeing about how we should handle a situation involving Little League (I am on the board). Anyway, DH was being stubborn and taking the "low road" (the very low road) with a parent that did something super shady to us, and I was saying that we need to be the "bigger people" and just move on. I am on the board and need to maintain a respectable reputation. Of course he knew I was right... he didn't want to admit that I was right, but he knew it. So instead of agreeing with me, he just kept getting more and more exaggerated in what he "want to do to that guy". Like over the top. I had a friend over when all of this was going on. Her eyes just got wide because she doesn't know how my DH functions. She thought he was serious. Finally I said "you are wrong and you know you are wrong because you are about to start laughing right now". He started busting up. And you know what... he STILL wouldn't admit he was wrong.

Men...

pixiedust10's picture

Submitted by pixiedust10 on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 8:19pm

Are you a little league mom too??? I'm not the team mom but I do scoreboard and books and man did Exh and I and even me and FDH have issues on the ball field at times with BS6. I'm storing this experience of yours in my brain forever!

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 10:08am

I do think you need some space, arent any of us steppers in your area have you checked, maybe we can assign you someone...

I think emotions are running high for both of you. I know how it feels to lose it like this I have with DH in the middle of all the court shit with BM.

Maybe just being honest is best policy, sometimes I think they forget that they are not the only person going though hell...we are right there trudding through the muck with them

pixiedust10's picture

Submitted by pixiedust10 on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 10:14am

I don't know if anyone is in my area...how do I find this out without revealing my location publicly, that would be AWESOME...

We are both emotional wrecks. I'm lucky. I have lots to keep me busy this weekend, FDH has the visitations, so space will be plentiful and agreed, we need it. HE hates it. LOL He says even if he's upset with me he still wants me around. Which is sweet because he's not a "every breath you take, every move you make I'll be watching you" type. LOL

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 4:57pm

Pixie - Not only would we get hammered, but SCHMAMMERED!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, it's a word Smile LMAO

And I'd take you to Hooters and then to Coyote Ugly and then the strip club. We'd have a damn blast!

pixiedust10's picture

Submitted by pixiedust10 on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 8:20pm

I always wanted to visit Colorado LOL maybe when I hit the lotto we can have a big ST party and drink silly watch snow and part-ay!!!!

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 10:34am

Pix - that is one messed up kid. Thank goodness he is not in your home. He's where he needs to be. I know it's really bad but as a child like that physically matures they can pose a serious danger.

It is sometimes almost impossible to get help so the fact that he is getting it at 7 should mean that everything possible is being done for him. That does not mean that he will become normal but he might.

My older SS (the one now deceased) was so bad at 7 that he was kicked out of the school system. This was about 30 years ago when there was not the mandate that all children had to be educated. Literally not one school in the state would take him. After lots of court time he finally got back in school but ended up a really hardened criminal who met an early death.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 10:41am

Can I ask what happened to him (your deceased SS)? You may have shared in the past but I don't recall.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 11:05am

He was not murdered. When I reread what I wrote it kind of sounded like that. It was an illness but very much brought on by his lifestyle choices. (not AIDS either). Trying not to be too specific for privacy issues.

pixiedust10's picture

Submitted by pixiedust10 on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 10:40am

Oldone, what you said is what I am afraid of, that no matter how much nurturing, therapy, special programs, etc SS7 gets he will still wind up a mess. A violent, narcissistic mess. He's 7, he knows how to manipulate ANYWAYS like any kid tries at times, but he's been with BM full time with her influence, it's just gotten worse and worse and worse. He's been kicked out of two schools now, and it seems like the only person who can get through to him is FDH, so any emergency, hospital stay, violent episode at therapy, etc, FDH has had to stop what he's doing to tend to SS7. He can't even get through a school day. It's heartbreaking. He's got manners, he's got a memory I would almost envy (and almost NOT), he's extremely bright, but been exposed to WAY too much adult content in his life. He loves attention, and he wants badly to be normal he says...sigh...