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Killingmeslowly's picture

Hi! I would like to suggest that a 'Wives of Widowers' forum be created for this site. I have gained SO much strength and insight from reading other SM's posts on other forums about skids, spouses/partners, family dynamics, etc. I feel like I can relate to so much of it, but there are some different issues WOWs encounter on a daily basis:

- living in the shadow of a 'perfect' late wife
- how to handle pictures and reminders of late wife in your home, social media, etc
- how to deal with late wife holidays, birthdays, death anniversary date, wedding anniversary date, etc
- how to handle skids whose mom passed away unexpectedly (or not)
- how to deal with having skids FT - no bio mom's house EOW

I'm sure there are things I'm not thinking of, but I'm also sure there are many WOW's that would benefit from this board.

Just my 2 cents! Thank you for considering!! Smile

101Stepmom101's picture

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Rags's picture

Though a fairly rare thing this is a good idea IMHO. My FIL has lived this. My wife's BioDad was killed in a single car accident before my MIL knew she was pregnant with my DW. After the Army repatriated her deceased first husbands remains and relocated her back to the US she moved in with her parents for the duration of her pregnancy. My FIL was a close family friend who was there for my MIL during that time. They married when my wife was 2mos old.

FIL has lived in the shadow of the mythical deceased soul mate/daddy for his entire 40+ year marriage to my MIL. Though my wife is exceptionally close to her dad she did go through some of the "your not my dad" stuff in her early to mid teens and my MIL still gets a euphoric infinite stare look of bliss on her face when the topic of the dead first husband comes up upon occasion. She has kept every bit of the memorabilia from her first marriage stacked in moldering boxes in every home she and FIL have lived in for the past 40+ years. My stance on this is for my DW to pick a small selection of things she wants, MIL do the same, and pitch the rest. But oh hell no.... thalt shalt not touch the sanctified moldering dead druggy/drunk bad boy first husband memorabilia and never, never, never call it moldering junk. MIL goes into a blue funk for days any time her first husband is mentioned.

My DW clearly understands that the BioDad she never met had issues and though she remains close with most of the few remaining members of his clan she recognizes that it is highly unlikely that had he not died her mom would be happy or have had as enjoyable life as she has had.

That whole clan struggles with addictive behaviors, inability to support themselves, and inability to make a viable financial or life decisions while raising the deceased Son, Brother, Uncle, Husband to a completely unsupportable gilded platform of perfection.