Wonder if this will open their eyes?
My SD14 and SS13 are unappreciative. We pay for everything, they live with us, yet their Mom is some sort of hero to them. She spoils them when she gets her tax return, thats it. They are wanting to live with their Mom because she has a new job and has told them of how much money she'll have so they think the grass is greener.
I've seriously considered giving them each a box and telling them they can take anything with them that their Mom bought. Do you think when they see how little it is they'd have second thoughts?
She's repeatedly lied to them, acted like a nut, she's been a drug addict...the list just goes on and yet they think she will be more fun and plus their going to have several vacation homes and be rich. How do you combat this mentality.
one and the same. Last night
one and the same. Last night my SS13 told me I wasn't a real Mom at dinner.
If she's (BM) so goddamn
If she's (BM) so goddamn great, why don't they live with her?
I'm so relieved....My husband
I'm so relieved....My husband sat the kids down last night and explained that we were really upset with their treatment of us, their ungrateful attitudes, how they talked their BM up and treated us like trash. He pointed out the 3 years he paid her support when he didn't have to and the fact that the only way we could get them in a better environment was to agree to no support from BM. He pointed out that we provided medical care, school activities, clothes, braces, phones, internet, tv/satellite, etc. He also said your Mom is doing great now but what about the past 5 years when she was a mess? You owe your SMom an appology because she's done more for your wellbeing by giving her time, love, money and effort than your Mom has for years. He explained that the BM wasn't getting custody back, he was custodial parent and that was that...your children, you have no say.
He also told them that asking us why we didn't take extravagant vacations was hurtful after all we've done and that the next time they ask us, they can call and ask their Mom why she doesn't pay for braces or child support. They vowed to never say anything like that again.
They were in tears boohoohoo. He then confronted them about telling their Mom we disappear and they don't know where we are, that they told her we beat them, scream in their face, etc. Then they knew they were caught in lies and taking things out of context. He was very blunt about explaining that his only interest in their mother was concerning them and that she has no right to ask about our private married life and if they can't be mature enough to respect our privacy that they'll be loosing priveleges. (This started because one night I pulled in from work and he was hot from mowing the yard...he jumped in the car and we went and got a slurpy. We were gone 20 minutes. Another time we met with an insurance agent to sign papers, which was not their concern and we were gone 30 minutes. Based on these two times someone decided we were having marital problem and seeking counseling. The BM confronted my husband about if and where we were going to counseling.)
i give your husband so much
i give your husband so much credit--i hope that my husband can be that direct with his son. we've had one sit-down talk with the SS close to yours that you shared, but the husband was not as direct in demanding an apology, nor demanding some show or respect/appreciation.
SS has been living with us permanently for 2 years now--BM resigned from employment over 3 years ago and has not contributed financially to his well-being. he is on our health insurance (mine, i should say), we pay for all his expenses with the "plan" that we will get reimbursed from BM, we have cars for him to use...essentially, we provide for him everything that parents are to provide their children. this being his senior year in high school, i was the one who guided him through all his college stuff: applications, financial aid, working through admissions problems, etc. i was also the one who provided him with structure to get him up from a D student to now a B average student--spent countless hours helping him through homework, creating a schedule in his younger years to create structure in his life, etc...
BM continues to take credit for everything, and SS is in love with her. the fact that she chooses to be unemployed after X years (and yes, she chooses to because she says the working world is not for her), the fact that when she moves to new apartments, she leases expensive ONE-bedroom apartments instead of a less expensive apartment with TWO bedrooms so her own son can live with her, the fact that she has never followed through on any of her promises to him (a car when he turned 16, college tours, etc.), the fact that she has never helped him through his education nor assisted in his college preparations...none of this matters to this kid. even at 18 years old, he does not have the maturity to see this. BM claims that it's because of her co-parenting him that he's turned out so well. how is that called co-parenting when you're in the same town and don't even see your child??? the only communication with him is via text messages and FaceBook? and when you finally make time to see him, he has to use his own vehicle to come pick YOU up because you choose not to work so you can't afford a car?
the final straw: when SS turned 18, BM stated that she owed no more obligation to SS. he is old enough to determine who he wants to live with, she will provide him a stipend and he can choose to use that towards whatever he wants to, but she will not be obligated to help towards college expenses, health insurance, car insurance, etc...she claims all of these expenses that she needs to reimburse us on have been for our benefit. how is that? we never even took her to court for custody--she pretty much handed him over to us. instead of dealing with the court system, we asked that she provide us with a minimal (less than $200 a month) "child support" to cover some expenses. he lives with us on a full-time basis, we provide him with a stable home, a bedroom of his own, cars to use, food on the table, clothes for school, lunch money, etc etc etc....everything. and yet, him living with us has been to our advantage...right...
and yet, SS thinks the world of her, defends the fact that she's broke (again, even though she chooses not to work), and never shows appreciation for what his dad and i have done, and continue to do for him. it bothers me, really bothers me...
i also stumbled upon proof that he badmouths me to his BM. this past weekend, he was on FaceBook and didn't log off. i went to use the computer and his message page with his BM was still up. sure enough, calling me names to his BM and letting her know how he defended her. i was ready to explode when i saw that. my husband wasn't home at the time, so i called him and told him briefly what i stumbled upon. we will be talking about this tonight.
part of me is so fed up and wants to just confront the SS and tell him to go get help from his BM for everything moving forward--i don't need to waste my time and energy trying to help him get through school and his future. if she's so great, where has she been to help him through any of this? and if she's so great, why isn't he living with her? because he knows she can't give him anything that he needs...and yet, no appreciation or acknowledgement.
i'm so done...so sorry for the long response and sob story. this is my first time on this sort of website to vent--been keeping all this in and i just feel like i'm going to explode soon.
thanks for sharing...hope all will go as well for me too.