Two more days till SS return - Im getting anxious....
It seems so petty and mean to me. I know that being back with the BM and SS18 (who is newly defected and moved back in to sponge off of BM in AZ) is the LAST place they should be but life has been so peaceful lately.
My husband and I constantly fight about the behavior and attitude of the twin SS15. They are rude, disrespectful and mouthy all the time. And getting them to do ANYTHING is a hassle and yet they are allowed to have their cells, and computers and participate in HS activities because "we don't want them to miss out". Meaning my husband doesn't want them to.......we don't hang out together, we don't have sex, we don't date NOTHING when they are around because there is ALWAYS something.
I was supporting myself from the time I was 16 till I went to college. I moved out when I was 17 and haven't depended on another person my whole life till I met my now husband at 28. Including my ex and that situation. (been a single parent since my kids were born) But I can't stand the fact that they (ss) don't seem to have to life up to expectations.
Heck we pay for their cells and the WHOLE time they have been gone (she took the whole two week break and they won't be back till the 4th around midnight - the day before school break is over) they haven't once contacted their father. He has several times texted them and they barely want to answer then.
He is waiting to form any judgements till they return but I can already tell you I KNOW they aren't any different if not worse than when they left. Hasn't changed a bit only gotten worse and worse what makes him think it is gonna be different now? And can I stand it if they come back the same way? I say he needs to stand up and exert a bit of pressure from his side to counteract what she and the SS18 is doing to them. The lies and manipulations can only be dispelled if you tell them the truth..........heck all this time BM told them that we (meaning my DH and I) cheated with each other before they were divorced and that is what happened. She is deluded because she cheated on him for the second time and showed up to tell him at the airport with a PFA in hand......we didn't even know each other till after that and then I didn't move here till after the divorce was final. But all this time they believed the lie and no one asked any different..........WTH??
I say cut off contact with their older brother and he says no that just makes it forbidden fruit. Well let me tell you he tried to have me aressted three times, he has manipulated the family for YEARS, he had my two young kids standing in the corner outside his door while he screwed some slut he snuck into the house (while we were away on honeymoon), has snuck alcohol and pornography into this house and was going to give my son (9 years old) his spare nudie mag...........I could keep going. Why would you want someone like that to continue to affect your family??
Am I really the evil stepmother? Or am I just normally frustrated? HELP?!?!?!?!
I say disengage. Dotn speak
I say disengage. Dotn speak to SS18. He is now out of the house, do no worries of sex, mags and alcohol.
Disengage from twins. Dont pay for their cells. Let your dh pay for their cells. Stop doing their laundry and tell your dh, that is their resposibility. They need to clean their room, do their laundry.
Sit down with your dh and set the rules. If your dh doesn't punish them, don't bother....let them be. Focus on yoru kids.
Dont spend a penny onthem.
I'm sure if ss18 wne to bm, wont be too long for twin to do the same.
But honestly, teens are difficult regardless whether they are bio's or not....you need to attack your dh full on about his parent skills.
Your not an evil stepmom. Sounds like SS18 has major issues. He's out of the house right? So when SS15 come back, your dh honestly needs to put his foot down.
Do you guys take away their cells, or games when the misbehave?
What do the twins do? Does your SS18 come to visit?
Yes the SS18 is out of the
Yes the SS18 is out of the home. He left the night after he tried to have me arrested twice. I have had to go as far as assigning them days to do laundry or they leave stuff in washer or dryer and unless you move it they forget about it. I refused to continue doing it and set the days. No matter what goes on they don't get any other time. I try to take away cell and games, (not directly always - usually thru discussion privately with my husband) but it doesn't help or last long. They usually grouse loudly and disrepectfully about whatever they are told.
The SS18 is newly moved out as of June when he turned 18 and newly moved back in with BM because he ran out of people in THIS state to sponge off of. The twins haven't been back for visitation for two years due to custody battle. We won of course and she pays support now. This is the first time they have had to go back and like I said she stole not only Christmas but New Years (our first married one) and before they went they said they were NEVER going back. Right before they left though they changed their answer because the oldest is telling them lies about how "changed" the BM is and what a 180 she did and blah blah blah...........
And Im really struggling hard with the disengagement. I have had a really really rough life and in order to keep myself safe I don't usually give anyone a chance to screw me over a second time. Im the cut em out and don't let em stab you a second time type. And Im very open and forward and honest with all my opinions and that is sometimes not the best method I know....... Any tips?
“Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention.”
Oh yeah, this is gonna be
Oh yeah, this is gonna be fun...................NOT!!! We are already fighting about them and they aren't even here yet. I can feel the walls being built. Grand Canyon sized moat. No matter how hard you can love a Skid, no matter how hard you know they carry baggage for messed up reasons and it isn't their fault, no matter how hard you keep putting yourself out there it isn't EVER like the blood bond with your own children. Not because of you but because of the way they view you..........like an outsider.
His Oldest twin messaged him and had an EXTREMELY nasty attitude about something stupid via text. Tempers flared and now my hubby is really peeved. Told me this morning that crap isn't going to stand and the trip home they were going to be discussing some things (3 1/2 hours to/from airport). I'm never privy to these except by hearsay when my husband and occasionally my TSS will tell me parts. Though he did give me a brief run down of what topics he was going to discuss....
I feel really shut out of the whole thing. When he confronts me about something I'm doing wrong with the boys it is usually public in front of them and then when it comes time to take them on for their wrongs....well he does it usually away from anyone else.
And frankly, I'm tired of complaining about what he "should" tell them, because I just get called a b!tch. Like this morning a mere mention of them and he was like "Oh you are being your usual morning self" translation I am a b!tch when I wake up and so everyone avoids waking me up or interacting with me in the morning.
I feel more and more like I'm biting my tongue and stuffing dangerous emotions and resentments down deep over this whole thing. It sucks!!!
My heart is breaking..........
TTB
“Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention.”
Well they will be home
Well they will be home tonight at midnight. He had to work this morning and then it is a four hour drive to pick them up and four hours back. And no, we didn't spend the last night we had alone together.
“Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention.”
Yeah cuz that went WAY WORSE
Yeah cuz that went WAY WORSE than I was even thinking. They started with tudes the second their plane touched down and much to my HUSBAND'S surprise it is 100% directed at me. :O *and yes I am dripping with sarcasm because the thing I've been telling him for the past few years has just been proven. It doesn't make me feel at all triumphant though........only heartbroken.
“Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention.”