Talking to my teenage Step-daughter? Help!
I've been a step-dad for eight years but last year (when she turned 14) our relationship went negative and she push back so hard that I disengaged. Two months ago I made a big change to change our relationship and it has been moving in a positive direction. I am giving her the attention she needs and she is responding in a positive direction. I made a few mistakes in the last few weeks about interrupting too many times so I took more of a back seat.
The problem is, she has told me that I have to make the first steps in conversations...she won't. She also mentioned that she likes us talking but I came to her too many times. So, now I am in a position in which I am scared to talk to her. Wimping out! The problem is, she is going through a series of problems that I know about and she won't talk to her mom (my wife) or her bio-dad (who is an XXX and doesn't really care about her).
I know she listens to me and does the right thing. I'm just not sure how to talk to her about some of the problems she is having without her telling me where to go, without bugging her, and more importantly...getting her full attention. Any help will be appreciated. I'm a little lost and confused.
Lost on the boundaries she wants and doesn't want based on her mood swing. Confused...as what to do!
Thoughts, help, suggestions, etc. would be awesome!
Before you can deal with the
Before you can deal with the weighty issues..you need to work on just a general rapport with her. Ask her how her day was when you see her. Ask her about that TV show you see she watches. Ask about her friends. Tell her corney jokes.. ask her if she wants you to make her a banana split. She may open up at times.. or appear to shut you down. Try to not take it personally because she probably is reacting more from her own place mentally vs anything to do with you.
Be honest with her. If she opens up and you need to share something with her mom.. then tell her that.. and why.
But, first steps first.... develop a relationship with her as a person.. and let her get to know you.. and you to know her... before diving head first into her problems.
What did you interrupt?
What did you interrupt?
You "came to her too many times..." What does that mean?
Why must you talk to her first if she's apparently complaining that you talked too often and at the wrong times?
Perhaps I'm misinterpretting what you wrote, but her demands?...boundaries?...rules?...seem to contradict each other. I don't think you'll get this right because I don't think it's designed for you to get it right. Like that Simon & Garfunkle song...make me a shirt without seams and I won't hate you.