When I first met dh-he still visited with bm's 4 year old dd-when he had ss,1, he would also take her 4 year old as he had gotten attached to her over the couple years they were togther. Looking back, I now think it was sort of ridiculous-dh and bm were not even together but for a year-the child was only 4 she would have adapted fairly easily. Anywho, overtime and i am talking maybe just a few months-this sort of fizzled out anyway-she's now a mouthy, overdramatic 16 year old and he hasnt really had any contact with her for years except to see her in passing.

I think you have to look at the individual situation here. If a man raises his skids for 15 years and loves them-then I think to some degree you have to work on accepting them as part of your life. If the marriage was only a few years or the kids much younger sometimes i think a clean break is better and yes, I would have a difficult time accepting another couple's child into my home on a regular basis and acting in a "stepmother' type role. With my dh's former sd, she already had a bio dad, had a former stepdad (dh), and had bm's new boyfriend all as father figures. BM has gone on to have multiple relationships-never married again-but some of these guys have lived in the home for a couple years-can you imagine the craziness of it all if she had tried to maintain contact with all her various father figures?

For me it is about treatment. If they only come around when they need money, a vehicle, etc and threaten to disown him if he doesn't do their bidding then I would not consider them kids or even relation. Then they are just blackmailers. If they treat him with respect its different.