I am an American Expat who moved to the UK to be with a fantastic British man! Could not be happier with him! I have no kids of my own, but we may have a child together in the future. Husband has 2 teenage daughters (14 and one that just turned 18). I probably should note there is a 17yr. differance between my husband and I and a 13yr difference between the oldest step-daughter and myself.

Just a little background: DH ex-wife is very narcissistic, manipulative, controlling and a liar. She kicked him out and left him. She constantly uses the kids as a weapon against him and constantly tells the girls lies about him and myself to pit them against us. It was her choice to end the marraige and re-marry an new guy within the same year almost 3hrs away. We want to be envolved and she has flat out told us that she doesn't want us to have anything to do with them, but she wants our money and as much of it as she can get! (We actually were paying quite a bit of child support money to her as a verbal agreement and she decided to take us to child support agency because she didn't think we were giving enough, the result, we actually were told to pay her over £100 LESS than we were before! Karma sucks sometimes huh!) We do as much as we can when we can and do give and buy the girls a lot of additional stuff on the side!

The problem I am having is mainly with the 18yr old. I know she was the kid that got put in the middle the most by the ex and I also know she talked a lot of crap and lies to her. Since DH and I have gotten together, we have tried really hard to let them know they can talk to us and ask us questions. We also try to communicate without bringing up her mother and slagging her off at all. What's killing me, is that the daughter know's what the real deal is, but she is becoming manipulative and lying, and throws these horrible fits when she doesn't get what she wants. Overall, she's very unrealistic and verbally damaging!

She want's to live and act like a rich person (her mother is a massive gold digger!) we are not rich by any means. So she gets angry and throws horrible tantrums when we don't buy her £600 purses and stuff. She only contacts us when she wants money or stuff. Once she get's/or doesn't get (depending on the request) what she wants, she completely ignores us until it's time to ask for something else. She won't answer calls, texts, anything! Then when she comes back, she says hurtful things like "You owe it to me because you abondoned me and won't call or talk to me!" And tries to give us horrible guilt trips. She won't see us lately for more than 10 days a year (we even moved into a bigger house because they said they would visit more if they had their own room, whereas they had to share before), but expects the moon out of us! When she's here she won't help with anything and expects you to wait on here hand-and-foot to bring her drinks, food, etc. all day long! She's terribly rude and disrepectful to us a lot of the time! And now her new demand is us supporting her to go to university 3 days a week and give her money to play the other 4 day because she can't even get a part time job as it will infringe on her "social time" and she feels if she's not going to class, she should be able to play...She's going for basically a landscape architect kind of degree. Her school load is not heavy by any means and I don't understand why she can't even work part time to at least help with food and gas for her car! (We are paying for the insurance and her mom is paying for her phone! She has no other bills!) There has been a lot of argument over this!

Over all, I've been trying for over 3yrs to build a relationship and living our lives around trying to get them more envolved with us and now I'm just starting to get really resentful towards her and am at the point where I just don't care to see or talk to her and get anxious when I know she's coming to visit. Our lives are soo much easier and less dramatic without her and her mother (I adore the younger daughter, she is an absolute sweetheart that is totally bullied by her older sister!). I just feel like the 18yr old is very coniving and manipulative and selfish! I understand that a lot of it comes from her mother, but at 18yrs. old, at what point can I also hold her accountable for her actions as well because she knows what she is doing is wrong! (I hold her just as accountable, but everyone is like "No it's not her fault, it's because of her mother!" BS! She KNOWS what she is doing!) A lot of times I feel like "She's not MY kid, why should I have to suffer and live like a nomad just to save money and give to her?! Why am I revolving my life around a kid that doesn't give a crap?!" (I do because I love my husband dearly, who is actually feeling the same way I am). I feel horribly guilty about this and like I shouldn't feel this way but can't help it. I'm lucky my husband and I are on the same page and I just support whatever decisions he makes. But it angers me to see how she hurts him as well! Am I a horrible person for feeling this way?

Sorry for the long rant...This is 3 plus yrs feelings coming out, and it's STILL not everything we put up with! LOL!