I completely understand. If you can, try to see this from your husband's perspective so that it doesn't make your head want to explode. My husband has been struggling with a very similar situation. And even though they know they are right to tell the kids enough is enough, they struggle desperately with maintaining that stance. Your husband, like mine, probably has never had to be this sort of parent before. They know in their hearts what they're doing is correct, however what happens is they start to doubt or wonder if maybe they just give a little bit things will still be okay. It will never be okay if they give anything at all, but that will take a while for them to learn and understand. I am walking that delicate tight rope myself, but I think the difference between you and I would be more along the lines that I have no problem calmly pointing out to my husband how he isn't helping his kids by caving. I like to think that by appealing to his sense of doing right by his children, and leaving me out of it, makes it a little easier for him to see that if he caves he only enables them instead of helping them to grow up.

I am so sorry you are going through this - I FEEL your pain! First I want to say kudos to your hubby for at least making her leave in the first place. Mine has NEVER done that. He always takes SS17 side and defends him and babies him. But it was the FIRST time he has really seen is daughter act this way. He is still getting used to the idea that she is a TERROR. I hate to say it - maybe it is a good idea for her to come back - just so he can see that she really is that bad and it was not a fluke. Next time he will keep her away a little longer and then we will want her back and then send her away - and each time it will be for a little longer. You need to decide whether your marriage can handle this. How strong are you? I would buy stock in an antacid company and hold on for dear life - it may take hubby a little bit to come to terms with his daughter being a turd - but HE needs to come to terms with it - you pushing it on him will only cause problems in the marriage. I am personally dealing with it myself.

I am trying to push it on my hubby because he REFUSES to deal with it - yours at least acknowledged it once. Hopefully he will do it again.

Good luck!!

Wow. I hope your DH appreciates what a patient, tolerant wife he has.

You've been putting up with someone else's horrible kid for a very long time. Why does your DH exercise visitation if he isn't even around? Have you told him that the stress of babysitting his daughter is affecting your health?

Maybe things would improve if your DH visited with SD away from your home? SD is his problem, not yours. And no way would I allow her back, much less to a fun event, after only ten days. You deserve a looong break from her toxicity. Make your man deal with his kid!

It seems like you have been put in a bad situation by your husband. I don't understand his reasoning though behind banishing her from your home. Did he attempt some other ways to get her to behave better beforehand and this is a last resort? Because to me it just sounds like your husband is being lazy again and letting someone else parent his kid again, this time instead of you it is BM who has to parent on his weekends. And why hasn't he called her in two weeks? Or does he just have no real relationship with his daughter after having palmed her off on her mother and you for the last 14 years?

Hello to all,

I am a first time poster as well and can completely sympathize. I have 2 full time sd's...one is 14 and one is 16. The 16 year old has been a nightmare for the past 3 years and I don't know how I am not completely gray. I married my husband almost 6 years ago-they were 9 and 7 at the time. Going from a single woman with a cat to a wife with 2 full-time sd's was quite an adjustment. He just doesn't get it-he doesn't understand all the stress and misery I feel. There is so much to tell. Lately I have just been feeling hopeless and very depressed. I don't even want to be around the girls and I feel bad about it. I am just tired of all the attitudes and bad moods and the 16 year old and her tantrums when she doesn't get her way! She is very disrespectful toward my husband and he doesn't say anything. I ask him about it and he said he just doesn't pay attention to her most of the time. Well, I can't ignore her-I try turning up the tv, in our bedroom, but I still hear her. She is obnoxious and can be so nasty...just like her bm. By the way, BM isn't in the picture very much-maybe through FB with the oldest, but that is about it. She is a loser-drug addict who wants nothing to do with her children. Enter....me:( Oldest has put us through hell and put a lot of strain on our family and our marriage. She has had issues with cutting, using drugs, sneaking out during the overnight and running away from home. She has spent multiple stays in mental hospitals and I have endured way too many therapy sessions and family meetings. Oldest SD has calmed her behaviors down but is just now pretty much a bitch most of the time...oh, she can be pleasant, as long as she gets her way and hears what she wants to hear. And she is always pleasant around others...But otherwise, watch out....bitch on wheels! Youngest is starting to display some concerning behaviors and she is going for an evaluation in July. I don't know if I can go through anymore of this with her-I have been through enough.

Is it wrong that I stay hulled up in my bedroom, with the door closed most of the time? If I don't have contact with them, they can't be mouthy and nasty at me, and I can stay in a decent mood! I feel like a prisoner sometimes! I love my DH but sometimes don't think I can do this anymore!

Sorry for the rant....there is so much more....but too much to type!

trish1973

Help him say no. Put your foot down.