d

Pass

LOL well at least BM is outta your hair!!

I CANNOT BELIEVE that he left in the middle of sex because his daughter was in the hospital with her dying mother and needed support!!! What an ass.

:?

Although I agree with Gimlet, I will bite.

Your DH is helping out his daughter. If you don't like it you have every right to be angry, take your kids and leave him. He isn't going to not be there emotionally for his kid because you don't like it. It is an an unfortunate event for his kid, and also a one time event as she only had one mother.

If you keep your lack of empathy act of, then chances are that after all is said and done, he will resent you and end the relationship.

I think some women for the most part want validation that they are right in a relationship stance. The reality is that you can be right in your mind all you want, but it doesn't mean that he won't do what he wants or be angry at you and divorce.

As for the leaving during sex thing. So what you are telling me is that you thought that your dh would still be aroused after finding out his daughter is alone and has to make decisions for her dieing mother. You are some kind of special in that you care more about your sexual needs.

*Mofo peeks her head in, says "nope" and then backs out slowly...*

OP - you have every right to feel how you're feeling.

however... this is a one-time deal. my opinion is, dont fight it. people grieve differently, including your dh who shared a life with her for 20 years, and he shouldnt have to hide it from you - he also has every right to feel how he's feeling. let it happen - you can stay where u're at, or you can go home and have a burger and think that it's tragic for anyone to die like that, or you can go home and stay in your room. those are pretty much your options. i would stay away, but that's just me. but i wouldnt fight it.

From experience, an 18 year old cannot emotionally handle hosting a funeral or BBQ/service on their own.....
If there is no one else there for her, then he needs to be. It's not like BM requested his help.

Duplicate.

So sorry, was getting the backend errors again.

Here's the positive in the situation :

BM is gone.

You have an opportunity to show that you are a woman of grace and compassion.

You can do your best to imagine yourself in DH'S place. You would be there for your kids.

Get through the service, and bbq. Then, focus on your marriage.

You can role model compassion for your kids.

You have the perfect reason to overindulge in alcohol.

I'm not saying that I wouldn't flip if DH was crying over BM but that wouldn't happen here. Just trying to throw put some positives since you want to save your marriage.

I would give a pass on the sex thing. His grieving does not sound like grieving for sd. After so many years apart bm should have had a support system/family to be relied on as far as the funeral. No way in holy hell would bm's family invade my home. But if dh insisted on it I'd bite my tongue for the moment. Go back and claim your home. After the funeral I would watch and see dh's grieving process. If he were still at it after a few weeks I'd leave because it would be apparent to me that he should not have married me to begin with if he were still so attached to another woman. Also would be apparent he will put ad above his wife's needs and willing to make decisions that would shake our marriage in order to do so. I am curious as to how u know he held bm's hand and stroked her head.

I can't be bothered to read the 90 some comments above mine, so I'm just putting in my 2 cents regardless of what anyone else has said.

People are different and show different emotions. I am one of those people that gets upset when ANYONE dies, much less someone that I know, even if I didn't like them. I LOATHE both BMs. They are losers of the highest order and have done nothing but screw skids up and make DH's life hell. But if one of them died? I can honestly say I would be sad. Sad that someone died and sad for skid. I mean I can't imagine losing my mother... especially at 18 years old. This girl's world has been turned upside down. You make it sounds like this big "shock" that DH actually brought SD home with him. WTF was he supposed to do? Send her off on her way to go home to an empty house by herself... HER MOTHER JUST DIED!

I actually get annoyed with my DH when he says things like he wishes BMs would die.

I really think you need to have some sympathy here. The woman is dead... why are you acting jealous? Who cares if there is a BBQ at your house for her? I honestly think you are making yourself look like an ass by not being there.. but that is just my opinion and again, I tend to be quite emotional about these things.

I didn't read your entire post, and I didn't read the above responses. This is what I have to say...

My SS's BM is a GIGANTIC PIECE OF SHIT. HUGE. SS lives with us full time and doesn't want much to do with her. HOWEVER... if she were to die today (which, with her lifestyle it is quite possible) he would be devastated. Completely heartbroken. That is his mom after all. And because he would be devastated, as would DH... and I.

IF this is a true story, and you are really the heartless person you are coming across as, my suggestion if you love your husband at all, would be to load your kids back in to your car and hightail it back home with a HUGE apology.

This is another human life you are talking about here. It's not like she lost her favorite pair of shoes.

Show a little grace woman. For goodness sake, you sound like an idiot.

I'll be the dissenting voice here. SS30 is a weak little alcoholic sniveling. He would go to pieces if BM died.

But that would not be my problem at all. Of course DH could go comfort SS - but SS would not be allowed to come here. Nor would any kind of BM life celebration take place at my home UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Nor would a penny of money be spent on BM or SS.

Of course my backstory has some other twists to it. When OSS died BM held the funeral out of state and DID NOT NOTIFY DH. BM and her swine offspring can all go rot in hell.

Leaving to support SD? Acceptable

Leaving in the midst of sex? Still acceptable

Stroking the head of an ex while she is dying? Not acceptable

Showing grief or possibly empathizing with SD? Acceptable

Sobbing your guts out over your ex? Not acceptable

Offering to help/support SD with her mom's funeral? Acceptable

Making sure it happens at your WIFE'S house? NOT ACCEPTABLE

OP, I don't think this guy is your best friend as you state. I don't think ANY of us would treat their best friend in such a heinous, disrespectful way.

Just make sure if sd wants to move in you and your dh are in agreement about everything. If the two of you aren't then it does not happen. Talk about expectations about sd working, school, house rules, and finally launching. Let him know parenting out of guilt won't be tolerated in the future and your wants and needs DO count. Therapy to figure out if/why he was so emotionally attached to another woman while married to you and to possibly cope with his grief and become a true partner to you who will value your opinion. Good luck

dup

Just starting at the first 'unusual' event in sequence.

Let's set the scene: So, you're in the middle of fooling around with husband, phone is going off. It was annoying and you guys weren't that 'busy,' so you told him to turn it off. He realizes it was about his ex dying in the hospital and that his kid is there and wants him to join her.

So instead of continuing with the naked games, he say, "Oh, looks like BM is dying and I need to go support SD at the hospital." He gets dressed and leaves.

You guys don't discuss this? You don't offer to go with him? You don't talk to him throughout the evening? You just what... grunt and roll over?

I'm glad you are seeing things a little different. My first reaction to your post was "where is the compassion?" My ex and I remained friendly after our divorce. We couldn't live together mostly due to his drinking and I am much better off and happier with my current DH. However, I dread the day I hear my ex passed (he is 8 years older than I). I know I will cry my eyes out. He was a very important part of my life as was his family who I loved and still think about at times. When my best friend's ex husband died, she was puzzled that she was depressed and cried for a month. People have to grieve even if they can't understand why they feel that way. Let them.

1. You feel YOUR kids with another man are entitled to be adopted by your now DH, but on the flip side, you don't seem to give two sh!ts about his DD going thru a traumatic event.
You are worried she may have to come and live in her childhood home? Right now, she and your DH are taking things one minute at a time.

2. So if it was your 17yo and you had been in a horrible accident, he would be able to plan and pay and host a funeral with you bc he is 17 after all (17 and 18 are only different in 1 way, one number is bigger). I guess the 6yo could get a paper route and pitch in too.

3. They were married for 20 years and you are living in the house the ex previously lived in. I was married for 20 years before my DH passed away. MY DSO lives in my house. Guess what???? He don't like my rules, he can go get his own place to live and he has full custody of his 15yo girl. I also keep in touch with my former in laws so my DSO can just suck it.

4. If my DSO ever got mad at me for running to help when my adult kids are faced with a traumatic experience, he can go suck it again. Remember that when you get a call from your 17yo and you have to rush to help him in some way, your things may be out on the lawn bc that is basically what you are doing right now.

I'd have more than a snit fit if my DH had anything to do with BM - dead or alive. I went ballistic when we first started dating when he stopped by to visit BM. He'd moved to the city that BM and I lived in after being gone for a decade. He drove MY car to go see her. Ballistic does not adequately describe my reaction to that sh*t.

BM and DH had been divorced for decades. Their marriage was only a short marriage of convenience because she got knocked up. He was married to another woman for almost 2 decades.

But I don't care. No man I am involved with is going to go "visit" a woman he used to have regular sex with. It's not jealousy or insecurity - it's just common sense.