Lost my temper with my teenage stepdaughter and now I feel bad.
My Stepdaughter (who is 13) creates a lot of tension between my husband and me. I try to be forgiving, as I know that much of her behavior is typical of a teenage girl, but last night, I finally lost my cool. I am nothing but nice and accomodating to my SD, but I feel like she is always trying to pit my husband against me. SHe "tattles" on me about everything I do, listens to my phone conversations and reports back to my husband like his spy, and just acts rude, cold and ungrateful to me at times. Despite all of this, I realize that I am the adult. However, it doesn't escape me that she seems "giddy" when my husband is angry with me. Well, last night it came to a head. She created a fight once again between my husband and myself, and I finally just asked her "Are you happy now?" She burst into tears immediately and my husband took her to her mom's house. I am dissapointed at myself for losing my cool on her, and now she is telling her dad that she doesn't want to come over anymore because of me. He is very upset at me and insists that I make things right between the his daughter and myself. Where do I begin?
My stepdaughter used to do
My stepdaughter used to do this alot, luckily it has since passed. In my case BM was behind it. She was having relationship problems and tried to drive a wedge between us to get DH back. For me, it ended when i remebered that my SD was feeling torn in loyalty. I sat her down and told that no matter what i loved her and i understood it was hard to be in the middle. If she ever needed anyone i was there and let her vent about what was going on that made her feel a need to cause tension. Over the years its better, but she can still raise hell.
I said some not so nice things first, but once i apologized and explained i couldnt understand why she was doing it, it seemed to smooth over.
By Dh letting SD go to him
By Dh letting SD go to him and tattle on you for any reason is wrong. He should stop SD from doing that. Dh should not have taken her home either. If there are problems in your home they need to be addressed in your home.
DH needs to sit down with you and SD and talk things through. Explain to SD that ya'll are a family now and that everyone is to respect each other. DH should tell SD that her tattling and repeating things and listening in on your conversations are wrong and that you should be entitled to your feeling and privacy regardless of what anyone else feels. SD should be made to apologize and you should also apologize.
As adults you and DH have to demand respect. SD will only try to get away with what you let her. Next time she tries to talk about you to DH he should call you into the room and then tell SD to say what she was going to say. Stop this behavior before it gets worst.
Nip this in the bud now
Nip this in the bud now because it will only get worse. Your husband is at fault for listening to this crap. Kgore Smom is right, he should agree that his daughter relay her comments to the both of you. By listening to his daughter he is giving her power. She will eventually take it too far and you will feel betrayed to the point of no return. That is where I am now from the exact same scenario. My husbands daughter, (I avoid using the term SD as she has been no daughter to me) does it for attention first and foremost. Self centered would be another. He's never made her be held accountable for much so she is still playing this game.