I take it you reacted that way because of all the other things that she has put you and your DH through. What I would have done was ignored her when she called her BM and once she got home I would have told DH to TAKE away her phone. It is your house and you get to make ALL the rules.

She NEEDS to be told off by an adult. Unfortunately that person was you. It should have been your DH but it was you......ALL teenagers need to be told off! I can't stand them. I have a SD that is 15. She lives with us full time and has not seen her BM in over 4 years. SD15 latest thing to say to me when she has pissed me off is to tell me that I am acting crazy. No I am not its called taking action!

Let me see.....a pair of dirty underwear that DOES NOT belong to me is laying on the stairs. I tell SD15 to pick them up. She has the nerve to tell me that they belong to me and they are not hers. THEY ARE HERS! Pick them up SD15! They are not mine they are yours or maybe they are one of my friends! Okay, SD15 has been told numerous that she is not to be borrowing clothes from her friends. I go into her room and start going through her drawers to make sure she does not have ANY underwear that do not belong to her. As I am checking her drawers I find a bowl with some nasty junk all dried up. SD15 has been told (once again) numerous times to NOT be taking any food up to her room. So after seeing that bowl I loudly shut her drawers. No big deal. I come downstairs and tell her what I found and she has the nerve to tell me that I am acting crazy. I am nowhere near acting crazy. Get your definition of crazy right!

Latest incident with her which WILL be the last time she EVER dares to say that I am crazy. SD15 majorly disrespected me twice in less than an hour. The second time I had it with her. The best punishment for SD15 is to take away her makeup. We were out of town visiting my parents. My younger brother was home. After we had gotten over our first "tiff" I had to move my car so my mom could get into her driveway. I didn't have any shoes on and didn't want to go outside barefoot. The first pair of shoes that I saw were a pair of sandals that belong to my SD15 (that I bought for her) so I put them on. SD15 is standing right in front of me and since I was still trying to get over her major disrespect I din't ask or tell her that I was going to wear to move my car. SD15 asks me what I am doing and I tell her that I am going to move my truck. She then tells me with this tone (you know what tone I am talking about) that "it would be nice if you ask" OH HELL NO! Technically speaking jack shit belongs to her. At that point I had it with her. I go straight into the bathroom grab her makeup bag and tell her she is done. She comes after me and she is standing in my moms driveway and she tells me "Your crazy!" Right then and there SD15 needed a well deserved spanking! I was livid.

SD15 tells my brother that all she told me was "it would be CUTE if you'd ask" WTF! I heard "it would be NICE if you'd ask" And what makes her think that she is allowed to talk to an adult that way.....? I asked my mom in front of SD15 what she would have done if I would have said that to her and my mom said "slapped you across the mouth" I told SD15 that is exactly what she needed. My brother told her that she needs to know her place and she doesn't disrespect adults that way and it is NOT okay for her to be a smartass and think she can get away with it.

To make a long story short SD15 apologized to me. I told her that the next time she ever dares to tell me that I am acting crazy that I will be removing EVERYTHING from her room including her clothes. I asked her were she got that it was okay that she can tell me that I am being crazy and she said probably from her BM. Uhm, SD15 your dad and I have been the ONLY ones raising you for the past 5 years so that is NOT an excuse.

So far this week SD15 has been on her BEST behavior. Part of it has to do with her wanting to hang with her friend this week but the other part according to her is her wanting to change her ways. She is not a bad kid because we DO NOT allow the attitude and the throwing of the tantrums when she is not getting her way. I tell SD15 that she is no longer considered to be acting like a brat but a BITCH. That if we allow her to act the way that she does she will be a Bitch as an adult and nobody likes bitches.

Sorry this is so long.....Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. My best advice to you is to apologize to her (you don't have to if she deserves whatever you told her) and she needs to apologize back. If she doesn't and chooses to continue acting that way DISENGAGE! Ignore her when she is there. Don't pay any attention to her. She is being taught that it is okay to act the way she does in order to get what she wants. Do not give in to her! Disengage and ignore her.

I agree with the previous post's conclusion ie, disengage is the best advice. I have had a situation recently where BM and SD16 are at each other's throats constantly - and BM has been threatening to throw her out - ie we have to take her on. I said to DH (as I don't communicate with BM at all) that it was totally inappropriate for the BM to expect us to take on a problem which was completely of her own making. She has taught SD16 the only way to communicate is by shouting and name calling.
This girl sounds a nightmare, and I would have nothing more to do with her. Let her bio parents deal with her - this should not be too difficult as she is not resident with you, but EOW like us. The rest of the summer will be challenging, but hang in there, school begins soon.

Don't feel bad that you lost it and cussed. You are human and it would have caused any one of us to do the same thing. I've done the same thing. Except I said the "f" word. I hardly ever cuss, except my skids bring out the worst in me!

One day my SD22 came to the house screaming and slamming the doors, and I'd been in bed all day with a migraine. I could hear her upstairs having a cow. I got out of bed to listen at the bottom of the stairs to hear what in the world had happened. Her sister (SD16) had listened in to a conversation that I'd had with my sister, and heard the conversation wrong and told SD22 a bunch of stuff that she thought that I'd said and SD22 blew a gasket.

I came up and admitted to what I did say, which was "it has to be her way or no way" -- when it came to watching the tv and the rest of us (6 others) didn't want to watch it. I said that I went back to my room for peace and quiet. That was all that I said. My sister and I ended up talking about other stuff having nothing to do with SD22, but because SD16 was listening through the wall she thought it was all about SD22 and told her the same.

I could hear my husband say "I'll talk to wife and see what is up." So I came upstairs and said "what's up?" And that was when SD22 began screaming at me. I blew and began screaming. I asked SD16 if she was happy that she now did what she did. Told her that she overheard only part of the conversation. Told them I was "f"ing done. Told my husband I was done -- that I couldn't take it anymore ---

I came downstairs and was crying so hard. I called my parents and drove 3 hours to be with them. It was night time, and to top it off I had a migraine. I was ready to walk. It took me an hour to quit shaking I was so upset. I eventually came back home ---

So again, don't be hard on yourself. What I did was to apologize to the other kids for cussing. I didn't apologize to SD22 or SD16. I think that skids push and push and push until we break. My SD22 calls me crazy all the time -- to my face and behind my back. Oh well! All the best to you!! And don't feel bad!!

I can relate my SS acted very simialarlly I lost it called him an A hole. I felt awful and wrote a letter of apology, spent a whole day trying to do what ever he wanted but gues what he really is an a hole and hasnt been back for 6 months my husband goes to play ball with him once a week but most of the time he gets blown off. good luck Teenagers with out rules are bad news.

I have learned that living with teenagers, even if only part time is one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I have three skids. One, our eldest son is 20 and in college in a neighboring town, then we have twin 15 year old girls. Yes....two of them! They are good kids, but they are teenagers and at times push us to our limits as well. Acting disespectfful, speaking to us as if they are peers not kids....in other words not knowing their place at times, thinking they know it all and we know nothing, that I'll get to it when I get to it attitude, not cleaning up after themselves, the entitlement mentality...it's all there at tiimes. While I have been able to not curse at them, I have spoken pretty harshly to them at times....when I think they need to be knocked down a peg or two. Probably many of us have never said anythiing to them that wasn't provoked and that they don't need to hear. At those times though, when I walk away and cool off and think maybe I should have said that differently or maybe I shouldn't have said that...I agree with our friend who wrote earlier. Just go and apologize. I think you get a lot of mileage out of that. Be ready that your apology may not be accepted or may not be at first....nothing you can do about that. But I think if you go ahead and say you're sorry for what you said, you release some pressure off the situation, you'll feel better that you got back on the high road and you also will be modeling mature adult behavior. None of us knows everything and the right thing to do when you say something you regret is to apologize. Good luck with everything. We'll all get through these years. I just try to remember, when I go comparing how I was with how our kids are that the situations were different, the times are different, their childhood has been different....but still try to help stear them through so that they know that things like kindness, humility, good manners, acting respectful are timeless, need to be part of who they are and will help them all througout their lives.

Goodstpmom.com

All too familiar for me.

I have sworn at full time SD15 once. You swore at her for a reason, because of the way her actions/words made you feel.
Explain that to her.
Maybe something like this:

"I am sorry for swearing at you, it was not the right thing to do. When I am called crazy it makes me feel (insert your feelings here). I would really appreciate it if you stop doing it, so we can move on and start to feel move comfortable around each other.

I must admit even though I did apologise to mine, I felt so much better getting something off my chest I had secretly thought to myself for a long time. As the adult, yes, take the high road. Apologise for what you said, not for how you feel.

Hope that helps,
Good luck