I think my DH has flipped his noodle
Holy crap..just when I think my DH has all his crazy out of his system, he pulls a good one out of the fire.
SD15 is a brat...spoiled, entitled, manipulative and untrustworthy. I'm being nice in my description of her. I have tried and tried to have a positive, healthy relationship with her (which DH has thankfully acknowledged) but every time I think I let down my guard, I'm shit on again. So I've disengaged and spend our monthly visits being as civil to her as I can without having a stroke.
We had her last weekend and quite honestly it wasn't too bad. She and I hardly talked, but there was no fighting so I will take that as a win. Now we are into March Break. I work for a school so I'm off. DH is on afternoon shift (3-11pm). He just asked me how I would feel about SD coming for a couple days during the week. I reminded him he was on afternoons and because of his sleeping schedule he wouldn't see her too much. Then he said "Yeah, but I figured you guys could use the time to work on your relationship." I'm glad he wasn't facing me when he said it because my facial expression would have caused a fight. (Funny how 95% of our fights involve her). Before I could come up with a reply, he texts BM to ask. My only saving grace is that BM doesn't like to give up her precious perfect unless it's our visitation weekend. So the likelihood of this happening is small. I told DH that I have tried to fix things with her and it is her job to make things right with me. He agrees. I'm done doing all the work just to be shit on again...and again...and again...
We had her last March break and I ended up babysitting her when he was at work. It was one of the worst visits ever and almost ended my marriage. Just the thought of her raises my blood pressure.
I refuse to be stuck at home on my vacation watching her lazy ass.
Agreed! Incredibly
Agreed! Incredibly inconsiderate...but yes he does tell her all the time she needs to put an effort in. She tells him what he wants to hear and nothing changes. I'm thankful that he's not blind to it, but in denial of how emotionally distant I am from her.
Oh...I so feel your pain!
Oh...I so feel your pain! With us, it is the opposite. I work from home, DH works all day outside of the home. SD14 lives with us full time. SD14 will be with us all week, because DH does want her spending multiple nights at BM's, because SD14 always does something stupid (like drink or smoke pot) when she does. So I'm stuck with her at the house the WHOLE week! And since she is on a binge, ugh...constantly in the fridge, constantly in the cupboard...doors keep slamming when she can't find any junk food (because I'm not buying her any for the week). I'm already drained thinking about it!
Oh god I can relate to the
Oh god I can relate to the food thing...the first weekend we had her after DH moved in between the 2 of them they went through a week's worth of groceries. She never stopped eating. Now I don't have anything 'good' in the house when she comes. When DH complains, I tell him to do the groceries. Never goes any further then that.
I'm confused why a 15 year
I'm confused why a 15 year old requires babysitting at all. Aren't they the babysitters? Seriously, if it were me, I'd call a girlfriend with much younger children, and volunteer his precious baby to watch her kids while you go out and pamper yourselves for the afternoon. Great way to put her in your shoes
Hey...there are some that
Hey...there are some that need watching! I know that I wouldn't want SD14 alone in this house for 8+ hours a day! Questionable friends and all? I can't put my entire house in my room! Risk things stolen or broken...and the sure aren't lighting up on my house!
Sounds like someone needs a
Sounds like someone needs a part-time job for the week...is all I'm saying
Get her out of the house, and make her do something productive.
Unfortunately she has to be
Unfortunately she has to be watched. She has gotten in trouble with her antics on the computer more than once. (sex chat with men, sending naked pictures of herself to strangers, just to name a few). The last time we left her alone for a couple of hours she left the stove element on. The only life skills she's learned are from her dad and I. BM is more concerned with being her friend than a parent. While I understand that she was raised this way, she's also old enough to know better. Her mom wouldn't even let her take a school bus to school because she felt she 'wasn't ready'. And she's 'not allowed' to have a job until she can show she's mature enough to handle it. Everything is done for her at her mom's house and when she comes here it's maddening how lazy she is.
We heard back from SD...she doesn't want to come for march break...yay me, but DH is hurt again by her.
The problem with that
The problem with that conversation is that you reminded him of his work schedule instead of saying "NO". Look you've told him you've done your best. You should have disengaged (see link below). Remind him if this happens again that the purpose of visitation is to see Daddy not you and straightforward you're not interested.
When you dislike something this badly you should not beat around the bush. Many women do that I think because they're not confrontational.
http://steptogether.org/help.html
Oh my gosh, it's your job to
Oh my gosh, it's your job to work on the relationship, really?!? Don't men get that their kids, for the most part, couldn't care less about their step parents at best and the last thing that they seem to want is a relationship with them. Yes, still they go on, telling us how we need to try. Why? Why do we need to try?
The more you pander the more they abuse, or go out of their way not to be moved at all by your overtures. If your husband wants time with his daughter, fine, let it happen when he is around to actually spend time with her.