I can't get it right
I've been a sm for about 5 years now. My sd lost her mom to breast cancer when she was just 9 years old. She had been sick since the child was 5. She did and gave EVERYTHING to this kid. Not realizing that after she was gone, no mother figure would ever live up to sd's expectations of what a mother is suppposed to be.
I've just come to realize that I will never do anything right in this kid's eyes. EVER. and to top that off her father is too busy feeling sorry for her loss, and wants to be her friend. He's not worried about protecting his teenage daughter. He doesn't see anything wrong with her walking into her 17 year old boyfriend's house when there are no parents home, but a 19 year old male cousin is. He thinks I would rather accuse her of being a bad kid, when in fact I'm more worried about her safety.
Just in the last weekend this realization has slapped me in the face pretty hard.
I share a 6 year old daughter with this man. And I love him very much, but I don't want my daughter to grow up hating me, and I don't want to live the rest of my life being the bad guy. I will always be the bad guy as long as they have their father fighting me on doing what is right.
Stuck in a really hard place.....
it's hard, it really is, my
it's hard, it really is, my middle sd threw one on me this weekend. she said she decided to come clean about an e-mail account (didn't believe me and her dad when we told her it would be monitored-bm doesn't/wont). i went into an e-mail addy that dh and i had set up for her and saw that she had seceretly set up a google account (e-mail verification e-mail in her inbox) so i printed a copy of the e-mail and dh and i took it to bm when she asked sd while on the phone, and bm asked her during convo sd lied lied lied so bm asked us to bring the print out i had made (we did) sd STILL lied her a$$ off and played the pitty me i'm innocent card even let bm go through with filing a police report :jawdrop: in between now and then she had been giving dh and i bogus user id and password information (probably to give her time to delete messages she didnt want us to see).
so between now and then i blew it off and followed through with rewards i promised her (dunno why) and she revealed and gave us the login info and admited lying
i was livid :sick:
yeah i'm disengaging....
btw does anyone know how to set up for sent and received e-mails to get cc'd directly to a different account so they can be monitored even if deleted? dh decided not to delete it since she'll probably go make another one again but this kid needs monitored and bm wont do it
The truth is I'm not only
The truth is I'm not only worried about what she may be sneaking around to do, but I'm also worried about her safety and quality of life. I mean that's what I do for my own kids because I love them! I feel like there is no happy ending here. DH doesn't look at as his job to keep her safe or keep her from making life changing mistakes. "That's her problem" he says. Until I have a Police Officer knocking on my door telling me that she's dead or in the hospital??!! I will still be the one carrying that around on my heart. But according to SD and DH, I'm being too hard on her. Now what's life going to be like in another 10 years when my BD is 15??? Same story, different day?
stepmonstervega - Ummm hmmm
stepmonstervega - Ummm hmmm got a guilty Daddy on your hands.
He thinks you are being "too hard" on his bayh bee because you dare to criticize his parenting.
"He wants to be her friend instead of her parent."
Tell you what Google "Billy Ray Cyrus" and print out the news article from yesterday/today. He talks about being a "friend" instead of a parent to Miley and how very much he regrets it now and how worried he is about her.
In a less sarcastic and more serious vein, it is time to either:
a. disengage and focus your efforts on your own daughter; or
b. seek counseling for all of you.
Sorry, sweetie, but that is the best advice I can give you. It breaks your heart to see this, doesn't it? Big ole Texas sized virtual hug headed your way!!!!
How does he parent your dd
How does he parent your dd now? I've noticed my dh parents ss differently than our bios. He has higher standards for our kids than he does for ss. I think part of it has to do with the fact he has no control over what ss does at bm's house. He is parttime dad to ss in a way. But with our bios he is their dad eery day, can enforce rules every day, etc. Then the guilt plays in. dh feels bad for ss because he knows what it's like to have parents who aren't together. In your situations, your dh prob carries so much guilt and pity for his dd whereas he doesn't have that with your dd. Just because he does one thing with sd doesn't necessarily mean he'll repeat the same mistakes. With your dd, she will have her mother (you) to also speak up for her life choices and BOTH of you will decide what is appropriate or not for dd. While your sd does have you, the decision making falls more toward your dh than both of you. My point is things might be different when your dd is older. In he meantime I would use sd's situations as talking points about dd's future. "hon, are you ok with sd being home alone with her bf?" no... "oh, well when dd is 17, I think we should make it a rule that she can't be with her bf without adults in the house. (state your reason why.)" Eventually he might get the hint or ask you about the discussions so you can discuss with him your fears.