Hubby and Step Daughter Fight
Hey Guys,
This is my first time posting and I am glad there is a place like this for us.
I am 28 and hubby is 35. We got custody of his 14 year old daughter a year and a half ago. She's over all an ok kid and her and I get along good. She has her moments (like every teenager) but it's nothing a good talk won't fix.
My problem is that her and dad bicker constantly... He is a former Marine and though on discipline. What I think he fails to realize is that we got a teenager whose opinions and character are already formed and it is gonna be almost impossible to get her to what he wants her to "be."
He argues with her about small little things like lip gloss and shoes not in the right place. Am i being unreasonable by thinking that those are not the fights he wants to fight with her? Let's worry abt school, language, boys... I mean major stuff! Not how she didn't fold her shirt right...
It is driving me to the point of tears and i don't even want to be around them if we are all in the house at the same time.
I ask her to do something, she does it... She tells me stuff and i tell her how I feel... I am not trying to replace her mom and she is ok with that.
What do you guys think???
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Comments
I think her dad needs to
I think her dad needs to take the same approach. Maybe if they sat down and talked instead of fighting maybe that would get somewhere. However, she is a teenager and it's typical rebellion stuff.
As a mom of a very
As a mom of a very difficult, almost 15 year-old daughter, I have learned this lesson well: Pick Your Battles! If he picks on stupid little things, she won't listen to him when she starts needing discipline on the BIG things.
I feel for you. There's not much you can do but guide him in the right direction here, and continue to be present for your SD.
He needs to loosen up on
He needs to loosen up on those things. Is she his only daughter?
My SO has a 14 yr old daughter and she lives with us full time. I'm the one that does most of the disciplining but her dad in the past few months has now stepped in and done some major disciplining.
Like all other teenaged girls her age we get the attitude, back talk and the bad looks. We are slowly nipping that in the bud. SO had to step in big time when SD14 got caught being sneaky, got caught talking bad about us behind our backs and just yesterday he laid down the law with her because she got caught lying big time.
I'm actually the one that had to learn how to "Pick and Choose your Battles" I'm still learning. I had to explain to SO that we are now dealing with teenagers that are surrounded by spoiled bratty friends that believe the world revolves around them. SD14 can be easily influenced by her friends. She has a friend that SO absolutely does not want her to hang out with. He can't control what goes on at school but at home SD14 is not to call her from the house phone or cell phone. Come to find out she has been communicating with this friend through her cell phone. The Cell phone bill does not lie and neither does the contacts on her old phone lie.
Lip glosses and shoes not being in the correct place for us are no big deal. Your right your DH should concentrate on her grades, school work, making sure she is not out and about with boys behind your back. It's tough. I don't think he wants to push her away and maybe it is just the "military man" in him but he does need to loosen up.
Maybe your SD can write a letter to her dad explaining to him how she feels about things between them. I have had SD14 do that for her dad. It doesn't make things perfect right away but dads need to understand that being a teenager especially for a girl is not that easy.
CP
Thanks for the comments. I
Thanks for the comments. I appreciate it. confused68: i think it's awesome that your kids have a lot of respect fpr their dad and i think that my SD has some for her father. where the problem is is that he didn't raise her for 12 years of her life and her BM was always talking crap about her dad. I am scared to say it, but "his" way is really gonna push her away... Right now, it's flippin help at home. I just don't know why he does not face the fact that THIS IS NOT WORKING!!! She listens to me and i hardly ever yell. I just let her know what is acceptable and what isn't...
I def. use to undermine is authority and I learned that was really bad on my part... Now, if i disagree, i wait until we are alone to talk abt it. Even then, he takes it in and does good then reverts back to old behavior. You would think the source of frustration would be the teenager in my life, not my hubby! It is so bad guys, when i say i don't want to be there, i am not lying. she bites her tongue e lot but when someone is on your butt ALL DAY LONG about little stuff, how long will it take for her to react... Seriously
She is the only child we have at home. We had a son together in 2006 but he passed away at 3 months old. So our parenting experience never went very far if you know what I mean...
Ami