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biomom gone mad...

bonusmom's picture

Recently my sd told me that she wanted to join a soccer team, Her wonderful mother told her that she couldn't because they live in the city and it is mostly african american kids on the team and she does not want her to play with "BLACKS" What the hell is wrong with this woman??? I can't figure out for the life of me why someone would teach their child to have such hate in their heart...Its very hard for hubby and I as his best friend is african american and his wife is latino...and sd grew up with our friends nieces and they still live down the street from biomom and she will not allow sd to play with them because they are "BLACK" this woman is off her rocker...biomom grew up with our friend thats how my hubby met him, and now she has this unusal hate for him and his family just b/c his skin color is different??? I told my sd that she can play with who ever she wants to play with...and she shouldn't listen to anyone who is that ridiculous..Im sure she ran home and told mommy but I don't care thats crazy...I usually don't say anything negative about biomom but this situation is really crossing the line...what do you all think???

Bonusmom

Comments

lovin-life's picture

I will admit...although many wouldn't..that I have bought into stereo-types. If I see a group of black youths with baggy pants & do rags....my brain thinks 'GANG'...that's the rap/gang culture "image"...they seem to be trying to represent. ..so that's how I react. (Maybe I'm just getting old...and that's how old people react to youth...period..skin color matching mine or not because I'd be wary of the same group if they were white, too..)

Overall.....I do treat individuals as just that, individuals!! I had friends of all races growing up...some good & some bad in all colors. One of my daughters best friends is black....she's a great kid..!!!

There are neighborhoods that I wouldn't want my daughter "hanging out in"...some predominatley white..some predominately black..some mixed...but it has to do with the roughness of the area (the character of the people in it), crime, drugs, etc.....not the skin color of those who live their. There were some pretty mean characters in the neighborhood I grew up in...

Talk to your SD....let her know the difference.. It comes down to character .. not race.

Nise's picture

I think that as a practice, it is BAD to say something to SD against biomom…HOWEVER in this case…I believe that there is an obligation to speak up and be the voice of reason! Good JOB!

Make a GREAT Day!

Nise's picture

It is very big of you to admit that you have bought into sterotypes…I think that it is nearly impossible to grow up in AMERICA and not buy into them to some degree…Dateline NBC did a report on race the other night and they set up a “video game” type test and in the course of the game there were pictures of a black man with a gun and a white man with a gun to people of all races …they found that in EVERY CASE people did not hesitate to “fire” at the black man with the gun but did hesitate before “shooting” at the white man with the gun…even black people did this…they have also scanned brain activity and found that the brain of most people (black and white) associates “minorities” with negative things and whites with positive things…so basically we have ALL been brainwashed to some degree when it comes to race even if it is only subconsciously…sad but true…the only way to undue it is one step at a time like bonusmom did…I want to have a son one day and as an African-American woman it saddens me that people will see my son and see “danger” when I have every intention to raise him to be a productive, compassionate, intelligent member of society…but hey, such is life….I could tell you stories! I remember being in the grocery store, buying a bottle of wine and having my bank card mistaken for a “food stamp” card…just b/c I am black and it was the first of the month…I and 27, own my own home, and have a Master’s degree from a Private School and at times people will still mistake me for a “welfare mom”…not to say that there is something wrong with government assistance but…don’t “type” the people who receive it as just being young black women! Okay…that turned into a VENT! LOL….

Make a GREAT Day!

lovin-life's picture

It's not just race stereo types... I've been out shoppng and looking scruffy....I couldn't get one those snotty bitches who worked there to give me the time of day.

(I used to work for a engineering consulting firm and was often on location on construction sites and I popped in on my lunch hour)

And when I'm dressed fine in my office clothes....I get a completely different reaction......

It drives me crazy!!!! I'm the same on the inside..regardless of my appearace..that day or any other!!! I can only imagine how insulted you felt!! I guess that was a socio-economic stereotype that i was subjected to, also...they figured by looking at me...I had no money to spend in their store. Wrong!!

You right...I think everyone is guilty of stereotyping at some point..about something... Often people are afraid to admit it or it's taboo to discuss it.

Smile

Nise's picture

Yeah I usually try to figure out….is there ANY OTHER REASON that this person could be treating me this way…other than race…something I said/did/etc…but that day, when I was buying the wine, I was coming home from work…dressed professionally…so I knew right away what the deal was! It sucks to be treated as if you don’t belong even when you “dress the part”…and I often find myself making sure that I’m always dressed well...both me and my husband only own two pairs of jeans…95% of the time we wear slacks/khaki’s …I think a lot of it has to do with wanting to make sure that we are taken seriously...then there are little things too that are just different like when we got married in the Smokey Mountains, I called about 10-15 hair salons and NOT ONE had a person who knew how to do my hair I had to have my hairdresser do my hair 2 days before the wedding…every bride wants a fresh hair do before getting married…some stuff that we have to think about that doesn’t even cross other peoples mind…like “flesh” colored band-aids NEVER WORK and crayola has a “flesh” colored crayon…also buying dolls for the girls, it is always hard to find one that they can identify with…I had tons of white dolls growing up…none of my white friends had black dolls…and don’t get me started on those DAMN Disney Princesses…Ariel, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, etc…for minorities growing up, playing dress up and becoming a “princess” means you have to become something you are not b/c who and what you are doesnt not fit the standard….but I am rambling…so yeah…stereotypes and “ideal types” are tuff!

Make a GREAT Day!

skye22's picture

Wow... never though about any of that stuff before. I have however gotten negative responses from people - especially elderly- becasue I am white and my husband is mexican. I have wondered how this will affect our kids. My son has my husbands features but inheretid my light skin tone. Yet our last name is Sanchez. I ALWAYS get id' when people see my name. For instance at blockbuster- i had my actual blockbuster card, the lady read the name and asked to see some id.

Nise's picture

It is a lot worse with older people b/c of the “times” that they came up in…the perceptions about Hispanics are also very damaging…I translate Spanish/English for the clients at my job and some of the things that my co-workers say/feel about Hispanics is sickening…especially given the fact that we are in the social-service industry!

Make a GREAT Day!

mamaceta's picture

I think that what a person thinks about stereotypes has a lot to do with their upbringing. I was brought up in the city in a very racially mixed neighborhood. Because of this I was exposed to all different kinds of people. Also most of my friends growing up were of other races. I'm not perfect though and racial stereotypes (and racism)were rampant among many people I was close to while growing up. I am Cherokee Indian so I heard both sides of it,blacks talking about white people and the whites talking about black people. I was once even called an "Indian ni**** bit**" by a kid I went to high school with. While most of my people are thought of as alcoholic, pot smokers who live off the government on reservations...I haven't had too much experience with others putting this stereotype on me.

The people I feel the worst for right now are those from the Middle East and muslims. I would hate to walk around with everyone treating me like I am a terrorist. I hear a lot about them being treated badly ever since the attacks.

happy mom's picture

You go girl! I'm w/you 100%. Ex is just the type of person we don't want to poison our children with. She needs to GROW UP! I'm glad you told SD what you said.

-happy mom