Help
I hate my step son. It gets worse and worse as the years go by. I used to be able to handle things but I'm losing now. He is 13, in 7th grade. His grades are straight F's and one D. Yesterday he was suspended from school because he was caught with a cigarette. That was my cigarrete he stole.
I told his mommy, my wife, that I thought I had been missing a lot of cigarettes lately. I'm sure he's been stealing them from me. I know how much I smoke and I have been missing a lot. His mommy doesn't believe me. She loves her little boy, and she believes him when he says he only took the one he got busted with.
He is a liar and a thief and I can't stand living in the same house with him. I have really been thinking a lot about moving out lately. I would have been gone now, but I have two babies I would have to leave behind (6 month old and a 2 year old). I wish I could take them with me, but I'm sure there is a slim chance of me getting custody.
Mommy is always so defensive of her little asshole of a son. Every time I get mad about something he does, mommy always turns it around on me like it's my problem.
I was so mad when I found out he was suspended and stole from me. I grabbed his chin (lightly, not hard at all), and yelled in his face. Trust me, I am not stupid and would never go so far as to hurt him or strike him, although I really wished I could. Mommy came rushing to his defense and yanked me away from him. Then mommy and I started yelling at each other in front of the little boy. I'm sure the little boy was glad mommy came to his rescue.
The little boy is the laziest human being I have ever met. He has no ambition for anything and never wants to take responsibility. His room is the messiest, most unorganized, disgusting place I never want to go.
Mommy and I have been together for 6 years now and I'm nearing the end. She would rather believe his word over mine. She thinks he is the most darling little boy, but she doesn't realize she's got a monster that is only going to get worse. She wants me there to be a good father figure for him, but I just can't do it anymore. I realize I'm setting a bad example by smoking in front of him, but he knows it's wrong because everyone (including me) keep telling him how bad it is. I wished I could quit smoking now, but unfortunately the nicotine has got ahold of me. Hopefully someday I can stop. The boy never listens to anything I say, so how am I being a good father figure anyway? I think he hates me. All I have ever done is try to set a good example and try to help him.
Now mommy wants to go see a marriage counselor because she thinks I am being inappropriate by grabbing his chin and yelling in his face. I don't want to go to the counselor because I don't think I did anything wrong. It would have been wrong if I had hurt him, but I did no such thing. I think she needs to stop worrying about how I deal with him, and seek counseling for her dirtbag son. He has never ever done well in school in all the six years that I have known him. He has lied to me many times before. Now he's stealing from me, and I know what's coming next for him. Drugs. I wished I could take my babies away from this rotten little bastard forever.
Thanks for reading. It's nice to vent, and I'd be appreciative of feedback.
I woulda knocked your ass out
I woulda knocked your ass out if you'd physically assaulted my kid.
I'm sorry he's stealing from you... sounds like he needs some parenting.
i totally get the feelings
i totally get the feelings you have. i get that way with my skids. i've had them steal from me before, call me names, rude to me, etc etc etc. it takes everything i have to not go off on them. i think you showed great restraint by only touching his chin. i don't consider that physical assault.
A thought on the cigarettes. A friend of mine is a huge smoker and he just tried those smokeless cigarettes -- cost nearly the same, but they have a water vapor. So basically you have one cigarette until its done -- so you wouldn't have a bunch of cigarettes laying around for him to be able to steal. You still get the satisfaction of smoking, you get the nicotine, the cost is the same, but you don't have little mister sticky fingers latching on! Win Win! Good luck!
I won't comment on the chin
I won't comment on the chin thing ( although, personally I wouldn't have done that) but; look at the counseling thing this way. If you are able to find a good counselor that has experience with blended families, maybe they will be able to help with the guilty parenting being done by your wife. It may actually be beneficial for you to go.
Oops, double post
Oops, double post
You have better self control
You have better self control than me, because I would have introduced him to the belt if he stole from me.
You have one hell of an issue on your hands, and I'd draw the line at stealing. With him stealing and getting in trouble, I'd almost think you'd have a good chance at getting custody of your kids because it would be more of an unsafe environment with your SS around. I'd look into it, because she obviously cares about coddling her son more than your marriage and making sure her son doesn't turn into a delinquent and future prison resident.
I wouldn't necessarily say
I wouldn't necessarily say onto the counseling...but tell her you'll go to joint counseling for blended family issues, and you'll pick the counselor. Call around to different places, ask for a phone interview of the counselors. Go to one that seems fair to you. Maybe counselor can get wife to see HER issues.
counseling. I have been to
counseling. I have been to blended family counseling. It only works IF ALL PARTIES are open and accepting to it. Sounds like right now your only care is for your two children. Do you not "love" mommy anymore? Because if that is gone there really is no reason to stay. Kids are smart they can see those kinds of things. Go for joint custody. Dads have a lot more rights then what you think. My ex husband and I go 7 days on 7 days off now that the kids are older. Clearly you are angry at her and that doesn't sound like it will change. But if you want to be able to have your 2 boys I would rethink putting your hands on her son again. I know that people see that type of behavior as abuse even if you do not think it is. Screaming at a child and grabbing his chin would catch my attention if I was walking by etc. Not saying you did anything wrong but it could be taken that way if you were wanting time with your younger children.
Thanks everyone, We are going
Thanks everyone,
We are going to the counselor tomorrow. I'll be back to talk about this. We are going to see the counselor we've seen in the past. He knows us well since we've been there many times before... maybe 7-8 times. I haven't seen him in more than a year now. He seems like a good guy and doesn't really take sides. We've both been the blame on issues.
The biggest issue we've ever had is her dumbass son. I can't remember even talking to the counselor much about anything else. The problem is always how each other deals with the little shithead. She coddles him too much, and apparently I'm too hard on him. It's like a snowball that keeps rolling and getting bigger because mommy and I try to compensate for each others behavior in dealing with him. Too bad he has nowhere else to go, because with him out here I would be perfectly content.
I love mommy and she's got some faults otherwise, but I can deal with those and still feel lucky to be with her. She's also got a daughter from her previous marriage who is the creep son's sister. She's 2 years younger and she's a great kid. I get along with her just fine.
I yell and get in his face obviously because I'm frustrated. I also do it because it was done to me in basic military training. I just remember how scared of those guys I was, and I never wanted to screw up to get their attention. Yes I hope to scare the kid to correct his behavior. It's not like I go right to screaming and yelling when the kids screw up. They get about 3 chances before they see the drill instructor. Does every parent have to tell their kids to do something (or not to do something) over and over and over?
It's not like he's only seen the drill instructor constantly. I have rewarded the kid with fun activities and items he's wanted when he does well besides school. He knows me pretty good after six years now. We've had fun, and laughed together. So it's not like he's getting yelled at constantly. He takes streaks. One month he has done good, next one he is a little shit. One week good, next week bad. And now he's taken a real bad streak. I have to correct my previous post. He HAS done well in school. Only twice... Once for a week, and the next for a month.
Wished I could use the belt. That's what I got when I was a bad kid, and my dad actually was an Air Force training instructor.
The belt will get you
The belt will get you nowhere. And if I were the father to that child and you took the belt to my kid. You would meet my fist. I can't STAND my SD16 but I don't think about physically harming her. I hope you discuss your anger with this counselor.
*sigh* It's not so much about
*sigh*
It's not so much about the anger as it is doing what was done to me when I was a bad kid. I know I was terrified of the belt. I didn't get it often, but damn was I scared of that thing and never wanted to do anything to warrant me receiving the belt.
Maybe I wouldn't think about that if his daddy were here.
I'm the closest thing to a biological father he has.
His daddy's dead.
If you are all he has. I hope
If you are all he has. I hope counseling works for you both. Maybe he is struggling with that? That his dad is dead and now he has a substitute dad? I am not a child of divorce but my kids are. And they struggled and still do. And I am a SM of 4 kids and it is HARD work. I have to work at it every day. I have to swallow alot of shit. I am not happy about all that goes on. In fact in makes my skin CRAWL. And when he tells me they are coming I get all sick in my stomach. Mostly because of the SD17. The boys are great. No issues there. This girl isn't afraid of anything. She will come at me or him or her brothers with no fear of anything. There is no control except the control I have of telling her she can't come into our home and treat us that way any longer. I have kids too and they will not be subjected to her BS. She made a choice. She hasn't been back since I put my foot down. You don't have that as an option. You have two choices. Get that counseling and give it 100% or bail. And I know that is my option as well. Not very good odds most of the time. Being afraid of a parent isn't always something I thought was good. Having respect is much better. My SO took in a nephew of his and there were big issues. IN order to have better control.... ( he was smoking pot, lying, stealing etc) they took everything away from him. Had a bed and a dresser in his room. Didn't even have a door to shut. Came home from school did homework and that was it. No phone, no games, no nothing. After a long year doing that his grades finally came up he got involved in one sport and started earning back items. And had a lot more respect for his parents my SO and things that he took for granted. Strip the kid down to nothing and work up from there. And hopefully mom realizes that he needs some direction.