stepson hurts my feelings
I have 2 stepsons. The oldest is 11 and will be 12 in June. The youngest is 9. I also have a 6 month old daughter. My stepson asks me if my daughter is going to look just like me. He ask will she have my nose and then goes on to say my nose is wide and has a really huge point on the end of it. Then he says she has your double chin and tells me I have a really big double chin and ask why. He does this at some point at least once every other weekend.
hen he says these things to me he does not use a mean or nasty tone of voice. He is just kind of matter of fact like he is asking a genuine question. I don't know how to handle it. I can't figure out if he is really that ignorant of people's feelings or if he is just trying to hurt me and playing dumb. Both of the boys are homeschooled and don't have much interaction with other kids or people so I suppose it's possible that he really does not know better but it seems kind of hard to believe. He is very book smart but very immature emotionally/socially. My initial reaction is to scream something really mean back to him but I know I can't do that so I just sort of ignore him, act like I'm distracted and walk away. I feel like it needs to be adressed in some way but I'm not sure what is the best response. My husband says to point out something about him and hurt his feelings to show him how it feels. Anyone ever dealt with this or have any ideas?
Also, their mom does not like me at all and both boys know this. I wonder if maybe she in some way encourages him to say things to me but I'm not sure.
It is the 11 almost 12 year
It is the 11 almost 12 year old who says this stuff not the 9 year old. Do you still think it's possible that he doesn't know better?
Some kids that are very book
Some kids that are very book smart have very poor social skills. Add to that, these boys are homeschooled, so I think it MAY be he really doesn't know any better.
"He ask will she have my nose and then goes on to say my nose is wide and has a really huge point on the end of it."
I could see him thinking that he is just being honest. He didn't say your nose is ugly, he's just describing what your nose looks like. My daughter once said to me "Mommy, that man is fat!" She was telling the truth, the man was fat, but she didn't understand that saying things like that are hurtful. I explained to her that saying someone is fat hurts their feelings.
"Then he says she has your double chin and tells me I have a really big double chin and ask why."
The fact that he asks WHY you have a double chin tells me he is clueless. Help him understand that people can't control what they look like. Help him understand that it's not nice to point out people's flaws. Give him examples of what is rude and hurtful and what compliments are.
It is a myth that
It is a myth that homeschooled kids are unsocialized. MOST of them are even more socialized than traditionally schooled kids because they interact with people of all ages, not just kids their own age. My kids were homeschooled and they ALL knew not to say hurtful things to people. I tend to think he knows what he is doing and is playing innocent.
My sd11 says stuff that starts out like this..."No offense, but..." She has commented on all kinds of things about my appearance and such. But I have bigger fish to fry with her right now. I'll work on the rudeness later.
"It is a myth that
"It is a myth that homeschooled kids are unsocialized. MOST of them are even more socialized than traditionally schooled kids because they interact with people of all ages, not just kids their own age."
True, just because a kid is homeschooled does not mean he's socially challeneged, but the OP did say that in addition to being homeschooled, these boys "don't have much interaction with other kids or people."
Adding to that the way the kid is wording his questions and I think it's a case of him just being clueless and socially inexperienced.