Do they ever go behind your back?
I've tried stepping back for awhile and letting DH do some of the parenting. I am always the mean one enforcing rules, he's the fun one who buys presents. Well I thought it was going pretty well, until I found out that they are actually sneaking around, breaking the house rules. Tonight she asked him for cash to go to the movies with. We had all just had a family discussion 2 hours before about how the next month, no extra spending $ for any of the kids so we can save for a vacation. He gives her $50. (This of course is just a minor example, and one of many, many others. Like last week when she asked us if she could drop her 4th year of French for a study hall and dad and I both said NO way. Next day, daddy signs it.) she just whines, cries or argues until he gives in. It's irritating that all the kids have to follow the rules (he enforces!) except her.
Another question- how far do I let disengagement go? Her car is now so full of fast food wrappers and papers that it's up to the windows. Seriously, it's just like on Hoarders. Nasty. DH just doesn't seem to notice! It's a safety issue, and honestly I'm embarrassed to have it parked in front of my house :/ I'm really not sure what to do about these things though.
She sounds like a
She sounds like a narsassistic person...manipulation tactics are working for her. He needs to learn to say no before she ends up screwing up her life in her adult years and calling him to bail her out of jail.
I always told my kids when they were teens...if you end up in jail I will not bail you out. They believed me. They did not need to be bailed out of jail.
My DH always told his girls yes, and you are doing great and I'm so proud of you (even when he should have been correcting their behaviour)....his MD with the doctorate in her profession ended up in jail for all kinds of fraud and cheating and lying. He bailed her out and let her come into our peaceful home and all but destroy our marriage.
Whatever happens with you...You both need to be on the same page. United you stand...divided you will fall. And divided is what the skids what you to be.
My STBXH always went behind
My STBXH always went behind my back. We would come up with a fair compromise on what the kid was expecting and what STBXH 'wanted' to give (which was always way more than the Skid/adult Skid deserved or attempted to work towards) and then STBXH would do whatever the hell the Skid expected. Of course, I didn't know most of this at the time. That's why 9 yrs. later, he is my STBXH.
If this does not get
If this does not get straightened out now, it will not change. I can tell you from experience. I mean here I am with my DH with a SD who is almost 36 and has 2 children and a lowlife husband in prison and she has a "boyfriend" who cannot keep a job because of too many DWI's....need I go on.....anyway, my husband is an enabler. He does not see it, cause he thinks he is doing things for his grandsons. SD is a manipulator and narsassistic person. I have been married for 31 years. My husband is the most wonderful, giving, loving man I know and she takes full advantage of that. Our three children together do not do that. Breaks my heart. I promise I do not say this just because she is a SD - I only speak the truth.