My skids, who live with us FT, have a very tenuious relationship with their BM. She was custodial for 7 years after divorce, from about ages 7-14 for SS and 5-12 for SD. Skids finally asked DH last spring to get them out of there. Turned out that BM was neglectful and abusive and her house was an episode of Hoarders. Court took kids from her and gave her 10 hours a week visitation and made HER pay CS.

She has never said sorry to the kids and continues to blame DH and me for "Stealing" the skids from her - the "poor single mother" who was only trying to make it in this hard, cold world. BLAH, spare me. We had the skids more often than not and she was a flat out LAZY parent and person.

To this day, her visitations with the kids are pretty bad. She doesn't know how to talk to them. SSstb15 and SDstb13 are growing up and are typical teenagers … moody and don't really like to "chat" with adults. She gets mad at them for not sharing their every innermost thought and feeling with her. Her visitation times are spent driving them around in her car. Sometimes she will take them to eat, sometimes not. They might walk around at the mall. Mostly they are bored and miserable and don't want to go. It is especially bad with SD. SS has figured out to say just enough to BM to keep her off of his back, but SD can't figure out how to play the game, so she just doesn't talk at all. That is her way of dealing with it. Well, this infuriates BM.

This past weekend, skids were supposed to go for their 4 hour visit. SS had spent a long day with friends and was tired and did not want to go, had to pretty much be forced out the door. SD went, with headphones in. Five minutes later, they were back in the house, pissed off and slamming into their rooms. DH's phone rang - oh great, BM. SS had been rude because he was tired and SD ignored BM with the headphones so BM kicked them both out of her car.

BM proceeds to light into DH about the skids behavior and general attitude when they visit with her. She "excused" SS because she understood that he was tired. (Oh please, he wouldn't have been tired at all had he been allowed to stay out with his friends instead of having to come home to go with BM and admitted as much.) But BM said she had had quite enough of SD's rotten, snotty attitude and how she never talks to her. Oh and BM just KNOWS where SD has learned to act like that towards her. Meaning from GoinCrazy40!

UH, hello? First of all, BM, I have ZERO to do with your relationship with DH, SS, or SD. Secondly - look in the mirror lady. YOU are responsible for your relationships. NOT ME. Thirdly - did my numbskull DH defend me against that accusation? NOPE. I don't have to talk to, like or look at that woman. I was never married to her. GEEZ.

But, tying to be the bigger person, I talked to SD and said that I hoped that she didn't choose to not speak to her mother because of me. That while I didn't appreciate the way their BM had treated them over the years, that I didn't hate her and wished her no ill will (YEAH RIGHT Evil ) SD said, well BM hates your guts!! I sad yes I know SD, but that doesnt bother me. She is and will always be your mother. You need to figure out some way to get along with her so your visiting time isn't so uncomfortable.

Oh good grief. Being a stepparent is JUST SO HARD. I just want to go punch that woman. I DONT WANT TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON! Know what I mean? Puzzled