battles with BD17
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I have three kids BD19 BD17 BS15.
separated in 2011. divorced in 2012.
I have one, currently EX GF, which I hope to regain to GF status.
She has two. BD21 and BS18.
Been with GF for 2+ years.
and BD17 still won't talk to her. won't look at her. She has been angry since my separation. all other kids are fine with me and GF. and supportive of our relationship.
We are only asking for civility. and once in a while having normal blended family occasions. christmas, thanksgiving, vacations.
every interaction ends with fighting. even had a near physical altercation.
BD17 is really angry at everyone, including my ex.
I'll take any advice, read any book, see a counselor, take meds.
anyone who has been through this please share.
There is a theory that if one
There is a theory that if one partner leaves the other at around the time the kids are getting ready to be leaving - that is uber hard for them. I left my exH when my younger daughter was in her first year at college - she found it very hard - much worse than her sister, who was 2 years older. It's like they need a stable base to launch from.
My advice would be - don't pander to her - don't make special arrangements to take into account her refusal to see/speak to your GF. Be uncompromising on this, if she is actively rude to your GF, then say, OK , come around when you get a better attitude. If your relationship has been OK before now, then it will survive this and she will come around eventually.
The question really is, are
The question really is, are you going to let your 17 year old daughter control your life?
If you are not, then you demand respect or don't include her. It is very simple. She is far too old to act like anything other than a proper young adult. She doesn't have to like your GF, but she does have to respect her position in your life as your partner. The end.
She needs therapy. Not once
She needs therapy. Not once in awhile therapy. Weekly consistent therapy. Clearly they are problems if she is having problems with everyone.
17 year olds are a lot of work...But, she can not control your life with her misery. Get her help. I have done therapy on and off (widowed at 34) and can tell you that it has to happen consistently to get results. My SD17 is one that goes for a week and is fine and then maybe three months later. No consistency and now she is not welcome here for trying to hit me when she was having rage issues.
You are just steps away from your GF banning her. I would.
She's angry at everyone.
She's angry at everyone. Life has stabbed her in the back. There are no unwounded children of a divorce but others are wounded worse than others. A few don't make it.
I'd get professional counseling for her - with luck you can find someone who specializes on children of divorced parents. Then leave it up to the counselor to guide your actions not us bunch of (experienced) amateurs.
I think you'll be quite amazed with what can be accomplished and if you're not within about 4 to 6 weeks you should find a different one and start over. This should not be a long term effort - 2, 3 maybe 4 months at most should see all that can be had delivered to your daughter.
^^^^ He pretty nailed it.
^^^^
He pretty nailed it. Your teen is acting out like a wounded animal and lashing out at everyone. Being 17 is hard to begin with and parents divorce at that age is all the more difficult.
Thank you all very much for
Thank you all very much for your help. I know I haven't done things right but I was just hoping that it was a phase or grow out of it. the only change has been my status back to single. not really whati wanted.