The background of the situation is that SO has been a single custodial dad since SS was 3-years-old. SO works long hours outside the home, and sleeps in many mornings because of it; as a result, SS was often unsupervised from 8th grade on. SS is now 18 and awful to my kids (BS11 and BD13 and one on the way). He is also awful to me, and awful in general. Been in trouble with alcohol, pot, leaving in the middle of the night and currently charged with assaulting someone. We came home from an overnight roadtrip one night to find our house full of alcohol, pot, vomit all over my bathroom and on my kitchen walls, and teenagers having sex in my children's beds! The "guests" at this party also went through my desk, my children's dressers and tried to open our safe. I was six weeks pregnant at the time and was so upset that I started spotting that night, and could have lost the baby. Thankfully, I did not - 14 weeks and all is well.

BM is schizophrenic and has not been in the picture for about 4 years. SS and I used to have a close relationship, and his falling out with his mom was actually over her insulting me. Right around the time I moved in, however, he started to hate me.

I've given up on wanting a relationship with SS, but SO keeps asking me to try, so we are going to the therapist together tonight (SS and me) and I'm very nervous about it. At this point, all I want is some kind of agreement about living together in the same house. The rule is that there is no smoking in our house but he does it in his room downstairs thinking I won't notice. I ask his dad to enforce this rule, but apparently it's not working. I text him when I smell cigarettes upstairs and he ignores me. He doesn't do his chores around the house (only loading/unloading the dishwasher and taking out the garbage twice a week), yet my son gets in trouble with SO if he doesn't feed the dogs in the morning.

We will also have to discuss those things we are forced to do as a "family" -- this kid ruined my Christmas. First, my kids got a Kinnect, which attaches to xBox. While SO was taking a nap, SS told them that they couldn't hook it up to "his" xbox unless they played with him, and played the games he wanted to play. He has pulled this routine about 4 times since Xmas morning. In addition, his 24-year-old half brother (not SO's BS) showed up at 4:30 on Christmas eve, totally unannounced and unexpected. He came to church with us, which resulted in both him and SS wandering around the building while we four sat in church, slept over and stayed for Xmas morning. At 2:00 we were supposed to leave for dinner with my family, and he was not invited. I wish they had included him, as I would have done for one of them if I were hosting Xmas dinner (I usually do), but that was out of my control. SS had an attitude all day and texted his father the entire time that it was the "first circle of hell" to have to spend "6 hours - a whole school day! - with [my] family full of drunk bitches and obnoxious brats." SO responded that he should stop being so "moody" but promised we would leave by 8:15. Dinner was at 6:00 and we hadn't even opened gifts yet!!! So the Xmas I had planned for weeks with my family was ruined by the brooding of a teenager and the presence of his uninvited half brother! Who was still there when we got home. I cried myself to sleep that night as SS and half-brother played my kids video game, loudly, until 1am, and resolved with SO that we needed to set some boundaries with half-brother. He was gone in the morning before anyone was up, so we never got to speak to him. I am thinking of contacting him on Facebook.

Now my family is upset with me and SO and SS are upset - and I'm the only one who did nothing wrong!

Any advice is appreciated, I can't keep this up and take care of a new baby, too. Not to mention, my blood pressure is high enough that my midwife is concerned -- this is not fair.