Announcement of new baby girl--did not go well
Back story: Two months ago, we told SS9 we were going to have a new baby, and he was thrilled! He loved the thought about having a new sibling in our house (the house he prefers) and he was talking about it with everyone and excited about it all the time. He hates his other house, and even though he has a half-brother there, he always talks about how upset he that his brother is growing up to be like the family he doesn't like so much.
Yesterday, we learned the sex of our baby (we are having a girl--my husband and i are so excited) so we sat SS9 down to tell him, and his faced dropped. He was upset. He said "Great" through clenched teeth and walked out of the room. I was totally floored. I know kids have their own agenda and emotions and that's fine, I just didn't expect this after all his talk about being excited.
Maybe all this time he was picturing another baby brother and is just trying to adjust now? I talked with him about it this morning and he still just seems...extremely disappointed. He thinks--what's the point of having a sibling if you don't get to do things like play bball and race cars with them.
I'm trying to be the adult about this, but am having a hard time controlling my emotions--This is my first bio child, and I just don't want anybody around who's going to not be happy for me!
He could've had a bad day as
He could've had a bad day as well. I know practically NOTHING thrills my daughter when she's had a bad day.
He also could've been dreaming of having a baby brother. Boys that age have a hard time relating to girls, picturing them in all pink and playing with tea sets and dolls. He probably thought he'd have an instant "buddy" he could play trucks or superheros with. I think he'll get over his disappointment with time. Especially when lil sis needs her big brother to protect her Try not to make a big deal out of it and he'll get over it.
Trust me, I was NOT thrilled at age 4 to find out my mom was having a boy, either. I wanted a little sister! What I didn't realize was that since I wasn't the typical girl playing house and dolls, my brother was an excellent companion. We had race tracks and hot wheels and played catch.
Oh and when my 1st husband found out our only child was a girl, to see the look of disappointment on HIS face was far worse than it would've been on a child's face...that STILL bugs me and daughter is 14 now.
Congratulations on your baby girl and I hope labor and delivery go well and she's born healthy and happy!
1) Congratulations! How
1) Congratulations! How exciting!
2) He's 9 & he's a boy. I think it's normal for a 9-year old boy to be less than tickled at the thought of a baby girl. He likely did imagine a baby boy he could play with.
It will probably be challenging after she's born & she's getting the attention & everyone will be wanting to hold her & he will be in her shadow for the first little while. He'll be less than happy with her then too.
He isn't old enough to understand the importance of you having his support. Don't count on him for that. Don't expect him to be "happy for you".
Also, even a little girl will want to play. She'll play with cars, trucks, balls, etc. And there's a good chance that she'll look to him wanting to play & he won't want to. He'll get upset when she touches his toys & when he has to share with her.
Don't let yourself get offended by his lack of enthusiasm.
I don't think I'm offended, I
I don't think I'm offended, I just think I'm frustrated--it's just another thing in our life that becomes about SS9 and his issues. I just want this to be pure joy for both me and my husband. Now, husband has to deal with his family's emotions being split...again...
Congrats!! Anytime a child is
Congrats!!
Anytime a child is expecting a younger sibling, there are emotions to work through, and even more so in a case where there's a blended family.
Questions of how do I fit in, will they still love me as much, etc. all wreak havoc on a little mind.
Because he's 9, it may not have even occurred to him that it could be a girl. Maybe he thought if it was a boy he'd still be the "first boy" and now there's going to be a "first girl."
Try not to take it too personally. Be excited, and your excitement will rub off on him...especially since he's been excited since he found out!
I'd look for some books about being a big brother to a little sister... my older son was 5 when DD was born, and almost immediately he "fell in love." Called her his little bumblebee and said he'd take care of her. <3 Your SS will likely be ready to be the big, protective brother when she's born.
Good point--he may be having
Good point--he may be having feelings of jealous over it being the "first girl." He and his dad are very close and maybe he's afraid our first baby girl will take away from that...
I think I'm more upset at the
I think I'm more upset at the situation rather than my SS9's emotions specifically. I'm just sick of SS9's issues being a part of everything!
I think what I'm most upset
I think what I'm most upset about is that this seems like another SS-related thing that drives a wedge between me and my husband. I'm just so sick of stepfamily issues!
This is my first child and I just want this one thing to be just plain joyous and don't want any part of it to be about the SS9's issues!
Yeah--all i want to do is
Yeah--all i want to do is ignore the skid. But, I fear my husband will resent me for backing away. And then I resent them both for adding to my preg anxiety..
I think whether he's a step
I think whether he's a step or bio , a boy would probably be disappointed about that. Boys just don't like girls.
Don't let it get to you! Congrats on the lovely little girl you are expecting
I was 7 when my brother was
I was 7 when my brother was born. When my dad told me it was a boy I cried. I wanted a sister. No happy warm fuzzies for him either. 30 years later, he's alright