about to have first bio baby
I have 11ss and my dw has custody of 16 year old niece. We just found out my wife is pregnant.
My first child. I'm so scared and nervous. Do I have to be hyper aware of equality when
It comes to attention and stuff like that? Am I gonna have a larger bond with bio kid? What may be typical challenges with Dw and/or family. I'm crazy excited. We have been trying six months. I know the family dynamics will change? Will she treat 1st son better? He's the baby now.
Will her ex man get annoyed or be cruel? How do I make this as smooth as I can.
YAY, I'M HAVING A BABY. The one challenge so far is comparing this pregnancy to the last.
I don't want the same obgyn or even hospital. Luckily in Boston we have a lot of choices. But hearing this happened that happened the last time just reminds me of her old relationship. I try to ignore it.
Congratulations! First off,
Congratulations!
First off, yes, there will be a bigger bond with your child because... well, it's your child (unless you've adopted your ss and have always been his father) but you don't have to be hyper aware for equality because a baby has different and far more needs from an almost-teen. Likewise, even children with the same bioparents aren't treated equal (I don't believe I've ever seen a case of all children in a family being treated the exact same, unless they were identical twins in which case, due to age and gender, they tend to be given the same things at the same time.)
I'm sorry your wife is bringing up those memories, I don't think she means anything like that but if this is her second pregnancy, she'll want to compare because your body goes through some crazy changes and sometimes having a comparison eases our minds. Maybe you can ask her to be a bit sensitive about it, as you feel these things, which is totally normal. I don't know how well it will be received (not sure how good you and your wife are at communication) so you need to be prepared that to bring it up can open a whole new can of worms and possibly a huge fight (especially if she's hormonal.)
The family dynamic will change, your wife may want to do some things to show your SS he's not being replaced so you might think she's being unfair or favoring him. I think talking out your fears with her would be good. I hope Draco would chime in because he's got a few little ones and his ss is a bit older than yours.
Thanks. I will keep that in
Thanks. I will keep that in mind. And no where would I find the kids are f I've?
im a custodial stepmom,
im a custodial stepmom, expecting my first in a few weeks (!) so my perspective is opposite of yours. I think the above posters are right, that yes there will be some differences... but with the comparisons- have you talked to her about it? My DH knew up front that I did not want to hear a WORD about EXWife and her pregnancies with sks. Even if I ask him a question, he avoids answering or says he doesnt remember--- which is fine by me. It is hurtful in a weird way, so I totally get that.
I think the fact that you are worried shows enough that you will keep an eye on yourself and your actions. Congratulations!