Thoughts???

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One thing that I have to deal with besides BM crazy temper tantrums is that last year she decided that she wanted to take a lower paying job, when she was capable of making more hence raising DH child support payment, so that she could work from home and take care of dh kids when they get out of school and over breaks while dh and I are still at work. She said that she wanted to be able to be home with them, but wanted us to compensate her for her "time, resources, and food" on our days by paying her what we were paying to a daycare. She wants to be compensated to be a parent?!?!?! Isnt that what child support is for? I told her that was unreasonable to expect us to pay her to take care of her own kids on top of what we already pay her for child support. She wasnt happy about it, but agreed to take them during the day on breaks and after school and we pack their lunch and snacks to "compensate" her for food on our days, while we work.

So during the school year she complained a few times when one of the kids was sick and needed to be home from school, and said she felt taken advantage of. This is what she wanted!! Just before summer break said that it was going to be too much for her to keep them during summer. DH reminded her of her agreement to take them and so she signed them up for VBS camps and such to give her time to work during the day. It has only been two weeks since they got out of school and she has gotten so angry at dh a few times for unrealated things and then thrown back in his face how much money she is saving us in day care costs. She does so much for us and we dont do anything for her blah blah (long story, but we have re-arranged our life around numerous times to accomidate what she wants). THEN, she emails dh yesterday and says "My after school care will be closed on XXX due to me going on vacation." Her after school care to take care of her OWN kids?!?!?!?! Why couldnt she say "I will be on vaca this day and so you'll need to get the kids or make other arrangements". I cannot believe how she talks about her own kids!!

She continually acts as if her children are a bourden to her. She complains about going to their sports games, complains that she has to take them during the day, complains complains. I dont even know why she is a mom of THREE kids! and married a man with TWO so now has FIVE!

Agree with Cat!

I agree, and told DH that

I agree, and told DH that last night. She is using this as a form of control over us and if we take that power away, she has no power over us. It just sucks because child care is so expensive so it would be better if she could act like a mom instead of treating it like a daycare, but obviously we cant control that. And you're right, sometimes its better to pay instead of deal with her crap.

Oh, and I forgot to mention

Oh, and I forgot to mention that they wrote their own parenting plan. Attorneys were never involved, they have always submitted their own paperwork so it's very generic.

Shes manipulating your life

Shes manipulating your life and enjoying it.
Shes trying to push how far she can control DH, and you and it seems like DH lets too many things go.
Unfortunately, thats probably due to him not wanting to create an uncomfortable atmosphere for himself/ kids because BM is super sensitive to emotion.
Look up http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Up-on-Manipulative-Behavior

totally agree...thanks!

update My DH wrote her an

*update*
My DH wrote her an email and told her that her behavior was unacceptable and that if she does that again, he will leave and if they are on the phone, he will hang up. He told her that he will only continue conversations with her when she is calm and respectful. He also told her that he wont accept the negative things and accusations that she has made about me and our finances. I am so proud of him!!!!

She hasnt responded and he doenst think that she will. We know that there will be a time when she goes off the handle again, and he will have to be consistent with what he said he would do.

I wish that we could afford to take away the power she has by finding child care on our days, though. I think that in reality she wants to have them, but it is something that she can use to control and manipulate us with to get her way when it's convenient for her. If we told her... "ok BM, since you believe that you are doing us a favor by getting your kids after school and over summer (rather than look at it that you are doing THEM a favor by not having to be with a daycare), dont worry about it anymore. We will take care of it ourselves, and they can go to daycare on our day instead of be with you", I think that she would be angry because that is taking her control away.

Should have never agreed to

Should have never agreed to letting her watch the kids in the first place. As far as her taking a lesser paying job, that does not sound right. I am in the same situation where bm is not working to her capabilities since her parents are fairly wealthy and she works for the family co. I am in the process of getting evaluation of bm's education and skills and hopefully imputed income in court so she can no longer use family money and claim min wage.

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