D-O-N-E.
I tried to “bury the hatchet.” I texted BM to ask her about taking the kids to VBS. Instead of texting me back, she calls DH (which I figured she’d do). BM told DH that her sister is coming into town next week, and that she would need more than a week’s notice if we wanted the skids (which she’s never said before). I understand that her sister is coming into town, but seriously? Is said sister going to want to spent every waking moment with the kids? Is BM taking the entire week off? Is BM’s DH? VBS is from 9a-12p. The kids would have loved it. The entire rest of the afternoon/evening could be spent with them. DH hasn’t seen the kids overnight in about three weeks because he has been giving up his days for everyone else. I guarantee you that BM will call DH sometime next week, asking us to keep the kids overnight. If her sister is in town, I’m sure she will want to add more “drinking pictures” to Facebook. I told DH that if she pulled that crap, he’d better tell her that he needed more than a week’s notice.
I also told DH that I was finished with trying to get skids involved in wholesome activities, etc. because it did nothing but backfire on me. It would have been some other excuse, if it was her sister (if she’s even coming down at all). I told him that I was done being a taxi cab and a babysitter. I am done inconviencing myself to pick them up from school or anything else. I will not attend anymore of SS6’s baseball games in 90+ degree weather. Because the fact of the matter is, I am “nothing” to skids. I am not a mother, aunt, whatever. I am the first one to be told that my opinion doesn’t matter or that I have no say. Then guess what? I am DONE parenting YOUR children. DH was extremely supportive of my decision. He knows that it hurt my feelings. I was very exciting about getting to take them. I offered to volunteer, which I still plan to do. I’m not sure if DH just thinks I was venting and will get over it, but I’m not. I’m washing my hands of all of it, and I most certainly will not EVER attempt any type of civility with BM again.
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Comments
Why cant the kids just
Why cant the kids just participate in a church activity when they are at there dads? Why must they participate in something during BM's time? I understand it is frustrating when you make a request and it is denied...but really to be done with the children because she said no? It's not there fault. I also would find family visiting more significant, especially if this is family that SKIDS dont get to see regularly/often. I would have said no to honestly. It doesn't matter what BM has planned and if her and her sister party while she is visiting...they can do what they want....when they want....and if she wants to spend the early part of her days (mornings and afternoons which is during your VBS) with her kids visiting her sister and party with her later why cant she? Why should she change her plans to accommodate your wants? Playing advocate ask yourself these questions. I think you had your hopes up and high expectations for the enjoyment of this event...and they have been squashed and it hurts...but really you have not been wronged in any way. The kids would have liked it...but I'm sure they will love visiting with there aunt also. (and they should) Sorry that your unhappy. I hope it gets better for you very soon.
This is not the first time
This is not the first time that BM has thrust her "birth mother" sword. I've been considering disengaging for a while (see previous posts). This was the icing on the cake. It wouldn't have mattered what *I* wanted to do with the skids. It's *me*, and I am not their mother. Plain and simple. DH has done nothing but give up his days and try to accomodate her, as have I. BM wants to bitch about EVERYTHING that involves me and HER children. Therefore, I am done PARENTING HER children.
Your heart is in the right
Your heart is in the right place and that would have hurt my feelings too.
My kids have had lots of stepmoms, girlfriends and live ins over the years, some great, some not so great.
I know if my kids had a stepmama that cared enough about them to take them to VBS, I would be so thankful and appreciate her so much!
If a BM ever had to deal with an awlful stepmom, then she would really appreciate a good stepmom.
Take care.
Let me also mention this -- I
Let me also mention this -- I am NEVER going to be able to have the kind of relationship that I would like to have with skids. I will never be respected as or have the authority of a mother-type figure. That is not enforced with BM, and it will never be. BM is an 'I gave birth to them, screw you' parent. She doesn't even think that DH "knows what it's like to be a parent", so why on Earth would she ever consider me to be one? I don't see it as though I'm giving up on skids, etc. However, I do see it as saving myself the heartache and frustration of a failed relationship with them. In the mean time, I'm also saving my time, money and sanity.
You might be surprised
You might be surprised (although I give it slim odds)
BM hates my guts, has forbidden the word 'stepmom' to come out of SD15's mouth because I'm "only (her) father's wife!" and thinks DH is a deadbeat loser.
SD15, on the other hand, thinks we hung the moon.