Call his bluff.  Don't do a mediator.  Just get the best attorney in town, consult with all of the top 10 since most will do free initial consults, which should take them off of the board for STBXH, and nail him for everything. 

He mentioned the D word. Rub his nose in it hard.

Good luck on your new life adventure.  With STBXH and his spawn having their incestuous emotional affair for the rest of their lives.

As I posted on your other thread.   There is no reason just to follow because he is dictating what HE wants.

Tell him you are not going to discuss anything about your marriage or divorce next week.  You are on vacation then go away even if it is to family.  Do not contact him, let him stew with his choices.

I hope he gives you back any money you paid towards the vacation or is going to tell you the night/morning before you are due to go that him and his child are going to use your holiday.  And he does I would remove half the cost of the holiday from any joint account.

Use the time you have next weelk to get all the legal/financial advice you can, but do not discuss anything with him.  Do not go to the mediator, do not let him rush you into divorce with preparing yourself.  He hoping by rushing you into doing this you do not get a chance to make sure you are not being short changed.

Late last year hubby told me all 3 skids frustrated him and were a major disappointment and failure for him in life with their behaviour and attitudes but he says they’ve been wronged because they had a neglectful bad mum (whom hubby stayed married to for 14 years before divorcing her) and hubby was so focussed on work as the sole income earner their whole marriage

boohoo my parents divorced and my mum was a high conflict narcissist and guess what? I never use it as an excuse to treat others like shit. I wanted to be a better person. Treat others how you want to be treated is something alot of skids don’t understand

yesterday hubby had amnesia and conveniently his kids have no issues with me and love me and don’t think of me and our kids as strangers. Really? Is that why your 21 yr old son who lives at home with us hasn’t spoken to me in 2 years and told you i was a stranger and made him uncomfortable to day a basic hello or acknowledge me when i’m here? Is this why your daughters have been 10 months no contact, not even ask about us but conveniently when hubby messages them every 3-4 months they are busy but conveniently ask hubby for gifts from our holiday overseas to visit my elderly dad?

my husband is in major denial and doesn’t like his sisters catching him up on it. They had to talk to me and were in shock at the 2 things i told them about skids...

oh and hubby has this 1 happy family thing in his mind, refers to me as his daughters mummy... ummm no i will never be their mummy... hubby has justified and excused their behaviour. 4 more weeks till i fly back with my kids to my country permanently to finish my university studies and send our kids to school.

i’m hanging by a thread until the day i fly out and am friggin jumping for joy i don’t have to put up with skids

Girl! Don’t let him control you! You take a vacation for yourself and let him know that you will meet with a counselor when you get back. Ugh! I hate when people try to control situations instead of working together. I’m so sorry hon

My DH was in denial of how his 2 kids treated me, for many years, and allowed them to disrespect me in my own home.  Had a bit of an epiphany about 5 yrs ago and is now genuinely sorry for how he behaved and sees where I was coming from.  If this had not been the case, I definitely would not be still with him now. I disengaged in 2004 or so - many years before knowing there was a name for it, and years before I found StepTalk.  DH accepted my disengagement because I think on one level he realised I had good cause - although occasionally he'd still try and convince me I was in the wrong and his kids were the best thing since sliced bread. 

I don't think that you should allow DH to rush you into a divorce - get it done NEXT WEEK? give me a break.  Divorce takes a lot longer than that. I imagine it will take you a few weeks to get your financials in order and find a good lawyer.  He is just trying to bully you.   If it were me, I'd go away somewhere nice and relaxing next week, on my own, maybe a spa, have a bit of me-time and pampering.  God knows you deserve it.  

And you're letting him dictate your vacation time because...?

"DH, have your attorney send any requests to mine. I'll be unreachable about this topic next week while I'm on vacation. I'll meet with my attorney when I get back to finalize things with them."

Don't let him dictate this process! He wants a mediator versus a cutthroat attorney because he's going to go in asking for the moon and stars, "but if you'd *just* let SS come over, we could scrap this whole thing".

Nope. My XH pushed me to the brink of asking for divorce. It wasn't until I moved out and started dating again that it FINALLY clicked that I was done and over it. He begged and bought me flowers, everything he thought would win me back. Too little too late.

My new motto is if I am ever pushed to the point of having to use the threat of divorce to instill change OR my partner threatens divorce to instill change that I'll just leave. It's unfair to throw out the nuclear bomb of marriage threats as a plow. If they are serious, then let's be serious and end this.

So go with DH on vacation, Do not talk about SS and see what happens. SS was to contact you five months ago, you are still waiting for that contact and “ his sorry “.   Not saying this is going to make thing right, but it still SS having to do something he did not do yet. 

If SS actually saids he sorry. Most likely he wii because DH will insists on it .  Then move slowly with SS. As no money, no overnight in your home, no free Vacations.  Just come over for a holiday,

Your husband not being invested in your marriage is what will end your marriage.  Putting his spawn before you, not holding them accountable for reasonable behavior, repeatedly re-engaging with his toxic spawn without requiring compliance with standards of reasonable behavior from his spawn.

Of course he does not need to disown his children. But he does need to be an adult, hold them accountable for being adults and he needs to put you and the marriage he has with you first.

The first thing I did was separate for a period of time.  I moved DH to SD'S house.  They wanted to spend time together without me, BINGO, there you two go!

Then I drew up a financial statement of what it was going to cost my DH.  Keep in mind, I figured 50/50 square out.  I had a career, he had a career, fair.  Now that got his attention!

I refused and still refuse to discuss my grown SD or her family with him.  No discussion on disengagement, I just moved forward as if she is not on the face of this earth.  I have now cleansed my life of my SD.  She doesn't effect my life.  She visits DH, I ignore her completely.  My DH has finally accepted our change.  I always stay civil, SD got the message also, without any harsh words.  I stepped up and took control away from both DH and SD.

With all this said, it is very difficult.  You lose respect, trust, and your marriage changes forever.  Please don't think I take this lightly.

It has been 5 years since I went thru the stage of disengagement you are experiencing now.  It is heartbreaking.  

Everyone has different reasons for sticking it out, or walking away.  Time away from each other opens up the truth, thought process, and you are able to make a plan on the direction you need to do for yourself.

Hugs and give yourself space.