Why does every fight become about SS?
DH and I have not been getting along for a few days. As the tension hit the fan yesterday, he wrote down his thoughts as it seems to be easier sometimes to express ourselves that way. Anyway, our fighting has NOTHING to do with the kids. It's purely outside circumstances and us in general. The VERY FIRST THING on his list was "You have always hated my custody arrangement for SS, etc." Beyond all the mean things that were said, it bothers me the most that his first thought was SS when we weren't even arguing about children. Especially since I spent HOURS of my life doing the legal research for HIS case to get MORE custody just 2 days prior. Yes, I hate your custody. It takes you away from home 3 days one week and 4 the next to drive all around town to pick up SS. I hate that you come home late for dinner or have to leave midway through the evening to take him whereever BM decides she wants to be that night. I do hate it. I don't say I hate SS, but I hate losing my husband and the father of my son so much for BM's convenience. DH ALWAYS MAKES THE FIGHTS ABOUT SS. It's like his golden ticket to change the subject off of the real problem to fighting a never ending battle about the disagreements we have regarding the children. Anyone else's DH do this?
I'm confused because it
I'm confused because it sounds like you ARE upset about the very thing he said you were upset about. Is it possible that the tension causes you to act a certain way, which he is picking up on, while you are more upset about something else that he is clueless about? I know how you feel...and it's hard to be the bigger person constantly. Perhaps he is not appreciating everything you do/ have done for him, and it's like a slap in the face. I don't think they ever get it, even when they try.
My DH accuses me of blaming
My DH accuses me of blaming our arguments on his SD15. My reality is that we get along really well except when his SD15 is here and in her aftermath. Sounds allot like your situation reversed. Maybe that is his reality?
DH and I argue often. USUALLY
DH and I argue often. USUALLY it has something to do with the kids. This had nothing to do with the kids. It was actually about my mother bringing her dog to our house when DH is highly allergic. I will always be upset about his custody bc I dislike it. The only time I really complain is when he goes WAY out of his way to pick up SS wherever the heck BM decides to be. He puts HER convenience about ME. DH and I do fight a lot more when SS is around bc he is the golden child from the golden uterus, IMO but he does not see it that way. Either way, I just really hate that he avoids our issues by using SS as a scapegoat. I actually wish I had the strength to just walk away bc as time goes own, DH is changing...and the more he changes, the harder this entire situation becomes.
I'm LOL at the golden uterus.
I'm LOL at the golden uterus. At some point you need to consider your own peace and figure out if it can be attainable in your current situation. Fighting all the time will decrease your life span, literally, and it just isn't worth it. There are no easy answers, but I wish you the best!