BM and SS first
DH and I have been fighting alot lately. The stress is really taking a toll on me. DH told me we would discuss everything last night. I saw his cell phone where he sent a text to BM asking her if she was available to discuss somethings last night. I go to put DS1 to bed and DH says he has to go to the store. He leaves the house for almost 2 hours. He comes home and tells me about the convo he had with her, but didn't mention that it was planned. He complains about her and the situation with them. I tell him my opinion only after he asks for it. Even his parents are now on her side. I reminded him I'm on his side and he has done nothing wrong. But he is so caught up in her crap, that will never change, that he doesn't want to discuss anything with me. I ask him to come to bed with me, and he says no. He leaves for work this morning and doesn't even say good bye to me. I sent him a text message letting him know that I'm tired of coming last and clearly he chose BM and SS last night over me. Am I wrong for thinking that he should pay attention to his marriage FIRST?! If he keeps going like this, he is going to have 2 BM's to deal with. Keeping our family in tact seems to be the last priority. It was more important to argue with BM about things that will never change than to have a constructive conversation with me to better our marriage, at least try to. So I'm last. As always...I thought it would change one day but I guess it won't.
Why was he sketchy about
Why was he sketchy about where he was going and why? He isn't only putting you last, he's not trustworthy. I don't know if it ever changes, and I'm not sure why. The BM has some sort of power over these men. Makes them stupid. Sorry this is happening. I hope you find whatever it takes to make him see the light!
Leaving the phone where you
Leaving the phone where you could see the message, saying he was at the store etc. sounds like he's too much of a coward to actually speak to you on the issues.
Classic trick of a passive coward, also designed to lower your self esteem and make you feel worse and worse as time goes by...recognize this and do NOT let it happen to you...you are the woman he fell in love with and married!
First thing is STOP fighting with him, bear with me here, and act 'as usual' while saving up as much as you can. You are not stealing since it's YOUR money too.
If he's being so controlled by BM then there's nothing you can do until he sees the light.
He will not see the light as long as you are fighting, right? You have at least one child together, by virtue of you saying 'he'll have two BM's'
You need to also consider protecting your child/ren from all the fighting, you need to be the STRONG one and refuse to be baited by whatever he says or does. It's hard, I know it, I live with manipulative people too.
You need to be on top of your game, so to speak, and eat right, stay hydrated, laugh A LOT and find solace in hobbies, or vent frustrations on here...you know we'll listen! Even those who do not respond are still reading and feeling for you.
DO NOT give him the coward's way out, whatever you do!! BM could even give up trying if she sees it's not getting to you and he's not making any progress that she lays out for him. His parents, well, they'll take the path of least resistance and please everyone. Let them be for now, they'll go with the flow and when it flows back your way then you can deal with them accordingly.
Not knowing the details, financial or who owns or pays rent etc. I cannot advise you anything about that, other than to filter some off for YOU! Label it 'retirement fund' or something innoccuous. Shop at thrift stores (lots of designer stuff there) to 'assist' LOL just because I am not a bitch does not mean I do not know how! You could go out in the evenings and come home all smiles and happy...get him paranoid! Lure him into a state of frenzy thinking you might have someone and he might think 'gotcha' but he'd be dissapointed. Get YOU back girl!
Now, I'd like you to re start your computer (brain) and follow a program laid out by YOU.
Have at it girl and good luck!