What is the deal with MILS?
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What the hell is it with MILS when it comes to their grandkids and overstepping in their son's marriage? How do they think they can be rude? To just make these rediculous plans and decisions and expect everyone to be all happy and go along with them? I swear my MIL would walk over hot coals for BM. How is it that MILS will throw their own offspring to the wolves to be in good graces with the grandchild?
I don’t think there’s
I don’t think there’s blanket statement that can cover the complicated issue of MIL’s and their (seeming) favoritism with the BM’s… every case is different just as every person and situation is different… but I have some ideas about this from personal experience.
My MIL is a dear, loving, OLD SCHOOL family woman… though she seems to be understanding when it comes to divorce (DH went through a divorce in his 20’s that she was very supportive of) she had absolutely NO understanding of divorce involving “children”. It’s unthinkable in her world… you just put your head down, shoulder to the marriage grindstone and make it work… and keep the dirty little secrets behind closed doors. Period.
When DH divorced Mother Russia his mother almost disowned him.
And when I came around she could barely stomach the sight of me…
It took many conversations with DH about how Mother Russia REALLY WAS (he hid her abuse for years… “for the kids”… so his family never even knew there were any problems) and many months of seeing how well the kids responded to me, and how genuinely HAPPY their son was for the first time in his life for them to come around.
She is still completely kissing Mother Russia’s ass though… and here’s why: 1) she’s terrified that she’ll try to take the kids back to Russia, and she knows that she has the money and the power to do so. So she tries to be the “family” MR needs to pretend she has in this country to keep her here. 2) Deep down I think as a “mother”, my MIL feels bad for that Russian immigrant… I think that she thinks, “how would I feel as a woman, as a MOTHER, to have my husband leave me, marry another woman, and have to watch that woman “mother” my own children!!!” So she bends over backwards to make her feel better about the situation… but ultimately I know it’s only for the grandkids… so I try not to let it break my heart.
It still hurts though…
I agree with Moon Child
I agree with Moon Child Stepmom, I don't think the ILs are doing this to get more face time with BM. They are doing it for the grandkids. Why should the grandkids have to spend less time with their grandparents? Why punish the kids like that? My ILs did the same thing...I know it hurts, but they're doing it for their grandchildren.