My parents treated ss very well-always did for him just as well as the other kids-but I know they loved their biograndkids more. Just natural I think. If they wanted to do something special with just their grandkids then they waited until ss was with his bm. Now, ss refers to them by their given name and has no interest in them because they are related to me and therefore tainted by my evilness.

Every time I see him, the first thing out of my dad's mouth is "How is BF's son?" Then, last week when I was staying at my parents cause I got my tonsils out, my mom told me my dad is hoping that if BF and I get married that he can get involved in Boyscouts again with BF's son. He loved doing that with my brother. I'm not even married and they are all over BF's son, who btw doesn't need anymore grandparents spoiling him. Although, it could be because they don't have any grandkids yet, and I'm the only one of three kids in the same state....

How long have you been married? I've been married 6 years and ss is 12 we also have 3 bios. My parents don't treat ss the same. Not badly, just not the same. He has his own grandparents that he sees daily and spoil him rotten. He knows my parents are our kids grandparents. He calls my parents bytheir first name and doesn't consider them step-grandparents really. They buy him a gift for Christmas, when he comes. But it hasn't been an issue in years. They hardly see him unless we happen to visit them when we have visitation. I guess the difference is that we are ncp and it sounds like your dh is custodial. Does it bother your skid? It may not eVen be an issue with her. Idk I kinda feel like you shouldn't have to force relationships onto anyone. Ifyour parets want to treat the skid as their own great. If not, we can't blame them- they aren't the ones who married dh and chose to have 'step'-grandkids.

My entire family treats my SD4 great! They all adore her. We don't have any bios yet, we have only been married for a month, together for 3 1/2 years though. She, SD4 will even tell you that she has 2 moms, 1 dad, 3 grandmas and 3 grandpas. How is your relationship with your SS? Do you have a good bond with him as well? Maybe you can talk to your family about how you feel. Maybe they don't even realize what they are doing.

I think this is a really difficult issue. I kind of feel that just because I opted to be a stepmum doesn't mean I have the right to oblige my parents to hurl themselves into being step-grandparents with the same level of committment as me. Any more than I would expect them to treat my husband like their own son just because I chose to marry him. I do not love my SK's the way I love my own children, and they do not love me the way they love their BM and BF. I love them, but not the same way. We have a great relationship and a happy home (they don't live with us, but we have them every week) but that's because we all accept our roles. So I can hardly expect my parents to love their step-grandchildren as much as the grandchildren they have known since birth and treat them accordingly.

There's lots of other issues to bear in mind too. The children frequently have enough trouble accepting a step-parent, without having a whole extended step-family pushed on them. Do they WANT attentive step-grandparents fussing over them? And as stepmums we have to suffer enough hurt feelings as we try to find a place in their lives without putting the rest of our family through the same trauma. I think the grandparent issue depends on a lot of factors including:

-how close your relationship is with your SKs
-whether they live with you and are there all the time so see a lot of your parents
-the age of the children
-whether there are BD and BS's as well
-the age gap between the SK's and BK's
-the feelings and behaviour of the SKs
-the personality of the grandparents and characteristics of your family

At our wedding my Dad made a speech saying they weren't just welcoming my husband into our family they were welcoming the children too. That was important to me. But I have 5 SK's, the oldest was 16 when I entered their lives, and 19 when DH and I got married and our families were formally joined. She did not want or need two new grandparents, and the other children take her lead. I am absolutely certain that it would have made both my SK's and my parents very uncomfortable if I had tried to engineer a close relationship and insisted on equivalent treatement of all 7 children.

They like my parents, everything is perfectly nice when they are together, but the SK's do not live with us full time, so they do not see all that much of them. They see them at some seasonal and family events, my parents give my children and SK's a similar gift at Easter, they give each of the SK's a gift or voucher of equivalent worth for birthdays and small thoughtful gifts at Christmas. This shows they care and consider them part of the family. They do spend more on my BD and BS, but there is a 9 year gap between my youngest SK (SS12)and my oldest BK (BD3). They know this is the next generation of children with a different family structure and accept my parents right to buy nice presents for their birth grandchildren. They have their own grandparents and don't expect their grandparents to give their half brother and sister gifts!

So I know with absolute certainty that my SK's are not looking on at Christmas and feeling hurt because my parents have bought larger gifts for their birth grandchildren than for them. If I did detect any hurt or resentment I would have done something about it. But I don't think I would have told my parents that they have to spend the same amount on the SK's as the BK's, or see them all together.

So the way I see it, it is not your parents fault that SS's grandparents aren't offering the same level of attention. It may be that your SS is not actually that bothered and does not want to be taken off to the mall by a step-grandmother he hardly knows! But there should be some tact involved because SS doesn't deserve to have his feelings hurt. Personally I discourage spoiling in general. I don't want my BD and BS to end up taking things for granted, so I do discourage my parents from spending an excessive amount on my BD and BS. There is no constant succession of shopping trips and gifts. Maybe you could try a dual approach and try to discourage your mother from spoiling your daughter quite so much, without making it about the SS comparison, and help your mother get to know SS a bit more by organising some family events or activities? And what is your Dad's role in this? Is there potential for a better relationship between SS and him? A 13 year old boy might find it easier to relate to a step-grandad than and step-grandmother?

Don't know if any of this helps but good luck working things out.